Not Really There | FILLIE

ten - don't give up on me

song- Don't Give Up On Me by Andy Grammer 

~"I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No, not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me And I will hold
I'll hold onto you
No matter what this world'll throw
It won't shake me loose"~

For the first time, Millie had a dream that night instead of disappearing. She could feel her mother's breath kissing her goodnight, and hear her father's voice taunting her until she giggled happily. She could hear her brother and sister singing along with her in the car to the radio, telling her how talented she was at art and singing. 

"Millie, I told you it's time for dinner!" her brother knocked on the door with an eye roll, looking over at her desk full of papers. 

She smiled apologetically, "Sorry, new drawing."

"Why did I even ask?" he teased. 

When Millie walked down the stairs, her family were waiting there for her with smiles, discussing the special dessert that her mother had planned. She didn't catch anyone's names but it didn't matter, their smiles warmer than candlelight as they passed her the peas, laughing at her face full of disgust. Millie felt warmth rush over her like one of the hugs that her mother used to give her, the feeling of love swelling in her heart as if she still belonged at that table with her family. She expected to wake up with a heavy sadness in her heart, but if anything, it only gave her a clear reason to continue trying. 

Millie woke up with a new purpose, feeling like she finally had something left to fight for in this world if she ever wanted to be free. She couldn't shake the feeling that the longer she kept giving up on any sense of hope, she would have no chance whatsoever at turning things around. She got to work as soon as she reappeared in the morning, her hands grasping the colored pencils and paper that she had found in the bottom of Finn's draw. She didn't wake for Finn to get up, spending no time basking in the glow of the sunrise spreading across his pale skin, turning it golden in beautiful stripes. She couldn't focus on anything other than the hope fluttering in her chest like butterfly wings ready to take flight. 

Finn woke up to the sound of scribbling, seeing Millie's tongue poking out as she made gentle strokes on paper with a red pencil. He frowned, rubbing a hand over his eyes as his vision cleared, her eyes alight with some sort of determination. 

"What are you doing?" he asked softly. 

Millie jumped slightly, turning around to look at sleepy-eyed Finn who was slowly getting up to look at what she had been working on. A smile beamed across her face, her caramel eyes sparkling with hope. "Look, I've been practicing! I am getting really good again and I thought that if I keep trying, it could bring some memories back..."

Finn smiled gently as he looked over the pictures that she was holding up in front of him, swirls of colors brushing over the paper. He was in awe of her talent, several different beautiful flowers like roses, carnations and peonies in every color that he could imagine. They had started off sloppy but each one was more precise and held more beauty, as if her confidence grew until it was like she had never stopped drawing. He wanted to tell her how talented she was and how he wanted her to draw him, so that she could draw the beauty within his darkness, but he was too panicked. He frowned instantly, making her face fall with confusion. 

He stumbled over his words. "Well-uh, w-why are you doing that?"

Millie frowned slightly. "If I keep trying, then maybe we can work out why I liked flowers so much or I can find other memories..."

"What's brought this on?" he smiled but it was unsure. 

"I had a dream last night" she beamed proudly, "about my family and it made me feel silly for giving up. I-I can still find a way to be free, and maybe I will find out about them too, maybe I could even leave here and visit them. Hey, do you think that we could bring these to your school and see if the art teacher recognizes my work? I think that speaking to the teachers could help, even if they just recognize my name and what happened...right?"

She felt her hope falter at his frown, his voice coming out in stutters as if he was unsure. "Uh, I-I don't know if that is a good idea anymore, Millie."

She slowly put down her drawing, her eyes filling with hurt. "You said that you would help, you promised that you would help in whatever way you could..."

"I just don't see the point in it anymore" Finn sighed in exasperation, searching her disappointed eyes, "l-look, like you said...they probably won't remember anyway. I don't want to waste time on this when-"

"Waste time?" Millie's lip wobbled. 

He sighed, running a hand over his hair. "I know that you can't understand, especially with your situation...but I still have a life. I need to take care of my own life too and I don't think that this is going to help when I could be doing something else. I-I have pop quizzes this week and studying to do, my future needs to start coming first, you know? I can't keep running around and doing wild goose chases with drawings and school teachers..."

Millie swallowed heavily, turning quiet for a long moment. She could feel his gaze and could feel the waves of guilt rolling off him, but she refused to meet his gaze. Deep down, she thought that he was different. She thought that he would believe in her and that he was willing to help her, because she had nobody else. She really thought that he cared about her, but she must have gotten it all very wrong. 

"I-I'm sorry" her voice cracked, "I won't bother you from now on."

Finn sighed. "It's just that I have other things I need to-"

"I get it..." she shrugged harshly, her voice cold as she turned away from him. "You have more important things on your plate and I don't matter. I'll stop bothering you for answers and help now, don't worry. I'm sure I can work out how to solve this alone and then I'll be gone for good, not around to cause you problems. I'm sure you want to go to the charity fair this weekend after all, so go and make cupcakes!"

He frowned in confusion, "The charity fair?"

Millie's voice turned quiet. "With Sadie, right? Maybe she can come around and keep you company instead, since I bother you so much."

Finn's voice turned angry. "Maybe I will."

She stared at him for a long moment, seeing his clenched fists and hurt eyes, wondering how he was finding it so easy to be so selfish. His words were harsh, hurting her more than it did to go to her old home and feel no connection, because Finn was her last resort. She really thought that he was going to be by her side every step of the way, helping to make sure that they worked together to free her soul. She hoped deep down that he cared about her just like she cared about him, but now she was filled with nothing but disappointment. She looked for the person who desperately tried to help her, saying that he hated seeing her upset and who held her until she stopped crying at the sight of his family dinner. But she only saw cold eyes looking back at her, his expression guarded as if he was hiding something. 

Millie winced as he slammed the door behind him, this time not expecting her to follow. 

xxx

This was so depressing :( don't worry, we will eventually discover what is causing him to act so cruel and selfish and it will all start to make some sense. I hope you aren't too angry at me, you may hate me a lot for the next chapter....it will be coming later tonight so look out and beware. 

Leave a comment, I hope you liked it anyway and don't worry, I will mend your hearts EVENTUALLY...but it will be a bumpy ride like always. 

~Jodie