Not Really There | FILLIE

one - stay

song - Stay by Mayday Parade

~"If you believe that everything's alright
You won't be all alone tonight
And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,
Slowly lifting me to somewhere new"~

Millie watches him with a curious gaze, tilting her head slightly as he runs his hands through his dark curls. He was sat at his desk doing homework, groaning impatiently as he struggled with the equation, Millie wanting to giggle at his furrowed eyebrows. He looked like he was concentrating so hard, but from what she had seen of him so far, he seemed to be a natural in school. From what she had noticed so far, he came home from school every day at 3:27 pm and automatically went to his desk to do more homework. If he had no work to do, he would write in a strange notebook that she could never get close enough to read, while strumming along softly to an old fashioned guitar.

His freckles were scattered over his cheeks like a new constellation that she had never seen before, and although she had never been into astrology, she had never been so interested in the stars in her entire life. He had unruly black curls that flopped into his dark eyes, and she was glad that he couldn't see her because if he looked into her eyes, she was worried about how it would make her feel.

His name was Finn, the name frequently yelled up the stairs by his parents when asking him to come for dinner. He would roll his eyes and sigh, burying his head in his hands until they banged on his door for him to hurry up. She had noticed that every day the pull towards him got stronger, now she could follow him around the house instead of just being bound to his bedroom or bathroom. She hoped that she would eventually be able to leave the house with him, constantly bored of looking at his walls, trying to remember something.

Millie did not remember dying or even becoming a ghost, only remembering waking up one day in Finn's bedroom. She yelled at him for a while, worried that she had been kidnapped but as soon as he ignored her for weeks, not even flinching when she waved a hand in front of his face, she had realized what had happened. She wasn't sure who he was, not recognizing him from anywhere or deeming him as special, he was just a regular sixteen year old that she seemed to have an undeniable pull towards. It had been a few weeks and Millie knew that every day she got closer to Finn, always wanting to speak to him or reach out and touch his curls. She worried that she would never be able to leave, that she would be forced to watch his life grow and change, knowing that hers stopped before she could do everything that she had planned.

Her eyes flickered over to his groaning figure, banging his head down in frustration. She laughed softly, wishing that he could hear her. "You should take a break every once in a while, you know. I bet you get so bored of studying all of the time."

Finn continued on without blinking.

"Really..." she spoke to herself, lying down on his bed tiredly, "I think that if you could hear me, I would try and convince you to have some fun once in a while."

He walked over to his bed as if he could hear her, but he simply grabbed an extra sweater. Millie watched the pale line of skin on his waist reveal itself as he lifted the sweater over his head, his curls getting stuck in the scratchy material. She felt her cheeks heat up, remembering the time that she accidentally wandered into the bathroom when he was getting undressed for a shower, she learned to only watch him when he was dressed. Millie watched him run a hand through his curls tiredly before shutting his book, finally getting ready to go to bed. She giggled as he laid down beside her, unaware of the other presence of the room.

"You know if you could see me..." she whispered to herself, "this would make me stalker."

As he continued sleeping, Millie sighed disappointed. Every so often she really wished that he could speak to her, that he could give her some company. Despite being so close to him, he had no idea that she was there and it made her feel lonelier than she could have ever imagined. Millie wished that she remembered her family or her life before becoming a ghost, wishing that perhaps she could have even met Finn.

She laid awake watching him some nights, wondering what it would be like to still have a life to live. All of the time in the world to grow up and build a family with somebody else. She had figured out what she wanted to do in life from a young age, where she wanted to go and who she wanted to spend her time with. Now she didn't have anything apart from restless hours to watch this strange boy with freckles on his cheeks and dark ebony curls. She felt slight jealousy swirl in her gut knowing that he could enjoy his life, he would grow up and have a family and see his life taken apart and rebuilt.

She didn't even remember the life that she used to have.

...

"So Finn, what did you learn today?" his mother asked.

Millie snorted at his bored expression as he slumped down into his chair further, poking his chicken with a silver fork. They had a weird tradition of family dinner every night with his parents asking stupid questions, a missing place at the end of the table from where Finn's older brother used to sit, lucky enough to escape to uni. Finn looked as if he belonged anywhere other than that table, with boring business focused parents who never took an interest in what he really liked.

"Son, do you want to come along to the meeting this Thursday?" his father asked with raised eyebrows as he chewed his food. "You should get a head start in learning how the company works, meet some of the team...what do you say?"

Finn winced. "I-I don't know, Dad. I'm not sure on what I want to do."

"Well you want to continue on the family legacy, don't you?" his father chuckled like it was something that they had all decided on.

He tried to find his words. "I m-mean, yeah- uh sure, but-"

"I'm telling you, it is the perfect jump start into the world, Finn. You can expand the business in whichever area you are interested in, as long as it fits in with our plans. You will always have us if you need a bit of guidance, but you will have a healthy job to fall back on. Remember what I always say?"

Finn's voice was flat. "You need to work hard to provide for others."

Millie nibbled on her lower lip as he excused himself from the table, immediately shutting himself upstairs into his bedroom. It seemed as if it was own little sanctuary, somewhere where he would escape to after every dinner time, always looking like he didn't know whether to punch a wall or cry himself to sleep. Her face filled with worry as he laid down on his bed, tugging on his curls angrily as if stopping himself from yelling out.

She knelt down beside him on the bed, wishing that she could reach out and touch him as he struggled not to cry. She hesitantly lifted her hand so that it hovered over his cheek, almost able to feel the warmth that she knew it would provide to her chilling body. Her fear got the best of her as she put her hand back down by her side, wishing that there was someway that he would know she was there.

Finn was too tired to cry that night, wishing that he could be anywhere else in the world. He dreamed of being in another world, somewhere where he didn't have anyone breathing down on his neck so that he didn't disappoint his family or end up like his brother, practically disowned for not following the family business. He felt so alone, like there was no one there to let him know that everything would be okay or that they would make things better. He felt so alone, like there was no one that understood him.

Millie wished that he knew that he was never truly alone.

xxx

What do you think so far? Scroll over to next chapter because it should be up by now! I am so excited to continue this book as my other Mileven book has finished. I have a lot of spare time in the next week so expect many updates and a good portion of this book will be completed this week.

Please leave a comment about what you like and what you are expecting to happen in this book! If you stick with it, I can't wait for you to see what will happen<3

~Jodie