Not Really There | FILLIE

nineteen - ghost

song - Ghost by Mark Diamond

~"You are the shadow in my mind,
And just go, I know it's time,
To say goodbye.
I held you close,
Since you said hello,
But now you're just a ghost"~

Millie wasn't afraid of what was coming next. She had thought about it for a long time, how her life could continue and what would happen after she disappeared. Nobody knew what existed beyond the universe and it surprised her enough when she woke up as a ghost, connected to a mysterious boy with dark hair and freckles. It was something that ran through her mind often, whether a bright light would come and pull her away from the house slowly, or whether she would just wake up and be alone to wander the sky. She wasn't afraid of fading into oblivion or to become another soul wandering around in the atmosphere, but she was afraid to lose him. She was terrified to wake up one day without the sound of his steady breaths beside her, his hands caressing her skin with such care like he was handling a butterfly. She didn't know if she would meet another soul in need of company or whether someone would make her feel alive again, but she never wanted to feel another person's skin on hers. She was afraid of forgetting how he made her feel. 

He shook her awake that morning, placing gentle kisses all over her face. Millie looked around for a moment, her eyes filled with panic until they settled on his face, a sigh of relief escaping her when she realized that today would not be the day that she left him. Finn's face was shining above her even brighter than the sun and for a moment she felt like perhaps life would not last forever, but some moments make it feel possible. His eyes were lit up with hope, dark eyes shining like stars as he smiled at her, such softness in his face that Millie wanted to pull him even closer to her. For a moment they greedily looked at each other, as if trying to calm down their insistent heart beats, grabbing each other's hands as if to say yes, I'm here. 

"Come with me" he mumbled softly, grabbing her hands. 

Millie frowned in confusion, letting him pull her out of the bed. "Where are we going?"

He shushed her gently, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek before grabbing a jacket for himself. They walked out into the chilly morning air, the sun just beginning to rise as Finn let her down an unfamiliar path. There was a rocky trail that led them from his house out to the garden, where they perched on a tall rock, Finn helping Millie to climb up gently. Although she was a ghost and probably couldn't get injured, her heart warmed at the panic on his face when she nearly slipped, his arms immediately pulling her upright. 

The view from the platform was indescribable. The birds were chirping quietly, a sound that Millie could have happily listened to the rest of her life as she woke up, kissing Finn's cheek beside her before she got up to make breakfast. The early morning sky faded from a pale grey into the most beautiful sunshine yellow, the frost covering the grass in front of them in a way that made it look like diamonds. Millie's breath caught at the beautiful sight but after a while she closed her eyes, the feeling washing over her being even more beautiful. The landscape was incredible, but it made her imagine the way that her life could have been. If she closed her eyes and felt the warm sunshine on her face, she could picture herself waking up and drawing the curtains until Finn pleaded with her to let him sleep in. She could hear the faint sound of water dripping in the background, imagining washing the dishes while swatting Finn with a kitchen towel, both of them dancing around the kitchen in the early morning with too much energy to sleep. She could picture a world that she wanted to live in, a world that would make room for her to stay forever. 

After a while a weight settled on her chest, a feeling which had her frowning. She shook Finn's shoulder and spoke in a quiet voice. "Finn?"

"Yeah?" he mumbled distractedly.