Not Really There | FILLIE

seventeen - fade

song - Fade by Lewis Capaldi 

~"Guess that I'm a fool for the way that you caught me
Girl, you make my heart break more every day
But don't fade away"~

Her cheekbones glowed under the moonlight, soft planes that he could never get tired of running his fingers over, the skin so soft and vulnerable to him. Her eyelashes were so long and thick that they could have been wings, gliding over her skin with such gentle movements that he wanted to watch them take flight off his finger like little butterflies in the wind. Her features had dulled slightly, her skin paler like the camera lens was losing focus on her, the final image coming out blurry. As beautiful as she was, every single second of looking at her was torture for him. Because he knew it was only a matter of time. 

He only cried when she was asleep, waiting for her to disappear in his arms like she always did. The sobs racked his body, his throat choking out mumbles about how unfair it was to have something that finally made his life worth living, to be snatched away. He had a sudden understanding at the hardships that families went through when dealing with illness, watching the person you know fade away day by day until they are no longer someone that you can recognize. He had to watch her skin fade second by second, her eyes losing the usual warmth that oozed from them when she smiled up at him. Every time they touched, the electricity dulled and he had become almost scared to touch her, worried that he could rupture the atmosphere and cause her to melt away somehow. Life had dangled the most perfect gift in front of him, someone who listened and understood him without making him feel weak like his family did. She lit up the stars in his sky, painting the clouds until it felt like he had something to stay for, something to fight for. But now his reason for existing was fading away into non-existence. 

If he strained his ears far enough after she had disappeared, he could still hear her steady breaths. The sound made him sob harder, knowing that as much as he wanted her to stay, every moment was more painful  because it brought him closer to her. Every minute that they spent together, he fell more in love with her just to know that she would be gone within possible days, hours, seconds. 

Millie's eyes fluttered open and she frowned when she saw the image in front of her. Instead of eating breakfast like a normal morning, Finn was skipping school and he had a strange look in his eyes, a determined glint that made her sigh. He turned around and his shoulders sagged with relief when he saw her, a smile lighting up his face as he showed her the scribbles that he had noted down on paper. 

"W-What are you doing?" she asked hesitantly. 

Finn's breathing was erratic. "So I have been thinking of several ideas and what they could mean...listen to me for a second, okay?"

She closed her eyes in exasperation. "Finn..."

"So we know that every time we touch, our bond gets stronger somehow...l-like you are more connected to me. So perhaps if we touch more often, like if you constantly hold my hand when I am sleeping or something, I could transfer some of my energy to you! I watched a film like that once and the man in the coma got stronger l-like their souls were connecting, you know? Or we could try doing the opposite where we don't touch because it makes you turn paler and maybe it is even taking away your strength...I'm not sure. We could try both ways and-"

Millie's voice turned softer. "Finn."

He ignored her. "Have you ever heard any voices in your head when you disappear? I was reading this book on the afterlife one day last year and there was like an a-afterlife council who decided everything, who decided who was going where and when their souls were free! Maybe it is real, especially seeing as ghosts are real I wouldn't  be surprised if-"