Not Really There | FILLIE

eighteen - i don't want to miss a thing

song - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith 

~"Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing"~

There was this thing called the last good day. A day that was ordinary, where nothing went wrong and where everything seemed like it was going to fix itself. Doctors and psychologists had theories that whoever was in charge of what was happening, granted everyone one last good day before things would end. It happened to cancer patients or Alzheimer patients before their bodies finally gave up on them, being able to remember their loved ones or eat all of their breakfast. It was like everything had changed, like they believed that they could finally get better and that the worst was over.  A day where they would open their eyes with a smile, feeling like perhaps everything could last forever before it ended.

Neither of them knew that this was the last good day. 

Finn woke up to Millie asleep on his chest, her breathing deep and serene as if everything really was going to be okay. A smile melted over his face and he pulled her closer, realizing that she had not faded anymore overnight, like perhaps the universe really had decided that she should stay. Her golden brown curls were spilled across the pillow, her outfit still as it was the day that he first saw her, and he had a flashback to how magical it all felt. Part of him would have turned back the clock and pretended that he never heard her voice or felt her touch, like it would have hurt less if he never fell in love with the sunshine leaking from her soul, the small dusting of hope that scattered out with her words when she spoke. But he could never turn back the clock  because it would mean regretting meeting her, and he could never regret that. He rested his head on hers as her eyes fluttered open, such softness in them when she looked at him that he was glad that he was not standing, for it would have made him weak in the knees. Millie was looking at him pleadingly, as if asking him to pretend for a moment that everything would be okay, like they weren't counting down the moments until they had to say goodbye. He could give it to her, he could give her one day of pretending. 

"You're staring" she reprimanded him gently. 

"You're beautiful" he breathed, "like so, so beautiful."

Millie looked down for a moment, a thoughtful look in her eyes as she hesitated slightly. Finn grabbed her hand gently, lacing their fingers together to encourage her as she bit her lip, clearly holding something back. 

"What is it?" 

She searched his eyes. "Do you think that if we met in a normal way...like if I was just some girl you met at school, that you would like me? That you would have wanted to be around me without me being...the opposite of normal."

Finn looked down and shrugged. "I never really pay any attention to anyone at school if I'm honest. I'm sure I would still find you beautiful, I'm not blind...but I mainly stick with the guys, you know?"

Millie kept her voice gentle. "Why did you become friends with them?"

He let out a small breath, thinking back to when they first met. Finn had always been lanky and tall, with many footballers picking on him and calling him a string bean. Caleb and the other guys would hang around the bleachers, experimenting with drugs or sneaking alcohol into school and one day, they stood up for him. Caleb scared the team off, wrapping an arm around Finn's arm like he belonged with them, and for a while he believed them. Although they were different to him, constantly pulling faces at studying and the things that were important to him, they were the first people to take in him like he was their own. Sometimes it was better to have someone there who didn't understand you, then nobody at all.