Not Really There | FILLIE

twelve - not about angels

song - Not About Angels by Birdy 

~"How unfair, it's just our love
Found something real that's out of touch
But if you'd searched the whole wide world
Would you dare to let it go?"~

Millie didn't feel any change, no strange feelings or numbing sensations over her body as she disappeared. She opened her eyes again, feeling like she had just fell asleep, as if everything was normal. She looked down at her body and found that she was wearing the same clothes, that she looked the same and that her skin was still as bright as normal. She could still feel the sharp pain of Finn's words and the looks that he gave her, as if he didn't have time for her anymore. Part of her wished that she could fall asleep again, so that everything felt numb instead of the piercing agony striking her at the thought of all hope being lost. 

But when she opened her eyes, Finn was sat on the bed in tears. 

She frowned instantly and Finn could almost hear her whisper in the air, her calling his name out softly, the thought making his body stiffen. He looked up at locked eyes with her, his red and watery as he clutched a pillow like a little boy, his eyes wide and full of pain. Millie opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong, but he came rushing towards her, pulling her into his arms once more with urgency. Millie froze in his embrace, feeling his warm tears hitting her neck as he held onto her shakily. He no longer held her with such care, as if he was afraid to harm her, he wrapped his arms around her firmer than ever before as if he was afraid she would fade away. 

"F-Finn..." Millie stuttered. 

He pulled away, cupping her cheeks and searching her eyes desperately. "W-Where have you been? I-I didn't know where and you have been gone so long and I..."

"What do you mean?" she frowned in confusion, holding him away from her as he tried to compose himself, his cheeks red and blotchy from crying. 

His voice was weak. "Y-You disappeared for days...I didn't know what happened or where you had gone. I-I tried calling for you and looking all around but you weren't there, every morning I looked but you were just-"

"W-What?" Millie's voice broke. "I d-disappeared?"

He nodded, sniffling lightly as he pulled away from her. She watched him run a hand through his wild curls, his mouth parting as if he wanted to say something but like he didn't have the words. She tilted her head, not understanding why he seemed to care so much after he told her to leave him alone, how he told her that he didn't want to help anymore. His face was harsh and although it seemed like he was holding something back, his words were serious and said with such certainty that it made her face crumple. But here he was, looking terrified at the thought of not knowing where she was or how to speak to her, and Millie had no clue what to think. 

"W-Why are you so upset?" she asked hesitantly. 

He looked down, huffing lightly. "Millie I-"

She continued on, her voice firm although her chin wobbled. "Why do you care about me not being here when you told me to leave? You told me that you didn't want to help and that you wanted to live your life...aren't I just doing what you asked? You didn't seem to worry about me when Sadie was here."

Finn clenched his eyes shut, shaking his head slightly. "You don't get it, Millie."

"You're right" she persisted, "I don't."

He let out a deep breath, clutching onto the desk as he refused to look at her. "You don't know what it is like to have someone there all of the time...to talk to someone and form a bond until you can't imagine them not being there anymore. You don't understand how it feels to feel this way about someone who isn't real, knowing that any moment they could just disappear right in front of your fucking eyes!"