Not Really There | FILLIE

five - turning page

song - Turning Page by Sleeping At Last

~"If I had only felt the warmth within your touch
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough
Well I would have known
What I was living for all along"~

Finn woke up in the middle of the night to a strange sound. He looked around for a few moments, wishing that he could see where Millie was so that he could convince himself that this was more than just a weird dream. After rubbing the sleep from his tired eyes and feeling his brain catch up to speed, he realized that he could hear someone crying. He hesitantly looked down the hallway, hearing nothing but silence from the rest of the house, a small sigh leaving his lips when he realized where the sounds must have been coming from. 

They were soft sobs that echoed through his mind, small whimpers and hiccups escaping every few seconds. He looked around the room, a sick feeling swelling in his gut at the realization that he could not comfort her. Her cries were weak, like she was trying not to let him hear her and it made him feel worse. 

"Millie?" he whispered out gently. 

She held her hand over her mouth, trying to stop crying but failing miserably. She ignored his worried tone, feeling terrible for waking him up unintentionally. She didn't want to put a burden on him, her soul was already too heavy with the guilt and confusion that she had carried for so long, and it was too much for him to take off her. She was so used to dealing with her own pain that now she didn't know how to let others help her. 

"Millie, please" he almost begged. "Are you okay?"

She stayed silent, squeezing her eyes shut when he walked forward, trying to find her through the darkness of the room. As soon as his hand accidentally brushed hers, he sucked in a breath and pulled her hand closer when she tried to pull her skin away from his. Without knowing it, her presence and touch soothed him just as much as it helped her through all of the darkness drifting through her heavy soul. Just by brushing his skin, she felt a certain type of light calming sensation pass over her, like he really was the light through the dark, the stars in his eyes lighting up her darkest night. 

"S-Sorry for waking you.." she whimpered hesitantly. "G-Go back to sleep."

He frowned, shaking his head. "I can't go back to sleep with you like this. I-I know that this is difficult for us both, but do you want to talk? Tell me about what is bothering you, then it won't just be your problem...it will be our problem."

She was quiet for a long time and he almost gave up, trying to leave soothing touches on her hand. It was like holding something alive and moving, like a butterfly or moth that he couldn't keep hold of, she felt so real to him even though she didn't even have a beating heart. He sighed, about to give up when she spoke up in a shaky hoarse voice. 

"I-I don't even remember it..." she cried softly. 

He swallowed heavily. "Dying?"

"Everything" she sobbed. "I don't remember how it all ended and I don't even remember my family..what they looked like or their names. I don't remember if I had two sisters or if I had a brother...I can't remember anything. It feels like I was never alive in the first place."

He didn't know what else to say, "I'm sorry."

"W-What if I never leave, Finn? What if I am s-stuck here forever?" she wailed, bursting into more sobs and the sound broke his heart. 

"Hey.." he babbled on panicked, "...don't think like that! We will work something out, I promise, okay? I will do everything that I can to help you, perhaps finding out how you.." he winced. "...died..will help us? Maybe that is what is keeping you here?"