Not Really There | FILLIE

thirteen - wings

song - Wings by Birdy 

~"Oh lights go down
In the moment we're lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
For the rest of our lives"~

Finn woke up to the sight of an angel before him, Millie's back turned to him as she scribbled on a piece of paper. He watched her for a moment, a smile automatically melting across his face as he watched her, pink tongue poked out in concentration as she changed colored pencils. He rested his chin on his hand for a moment, feeling every piece of adoration that he had for her burst out of every pore, and if she would have looked at him in that moment, she would have known everything. The more he observed her, the more a settling feeling of disappointment felt heavy in his heart. She looked so real, so beautiful sitting there at his desk drawing a tulip like she had always been there, and always would be. It hurt him because it reminded him of how she wouldn't always be there and that one day he would be alone again. 

He wanted more time with her. 

Millie noticed his staring eventually and he plastered a smile on his face although it was tired, "Good morning..." she mumbled gently, her face filled with a slight red blush. 

He wanted to stand up, to kiss her forehead and hear her ramble on about flowers or drawing. He would ask how she felt, how everything was going and if she had fallen as deep for him as he had for her. He wanted to kiss her again, to feel her soft lips against his and feel her in his arms, feeling too real to just be a ghost. But he couldn't do any of that without remembering that it couldn't last forever, and it broke his heart. 

"What are you doing?" he ruffled his hair. 

She shrugged sadly. "Trying to keep myself busy, you know?"

Finn frowned. "You could have woken me up."

"I didn't want to..." she smiled shyly, "you looked so peaceful...I feel like you have had a big burden on your life the past few weeks. 

He sent her a cold look. "You are not a burden."

Millie was silent for a while, looking down at the purple tulip she had been drawing. She had started drawing flowers because they were easier, something that felt natural to her but after pushing the boundaries with touch, she wanted to explore other ideas. She looked over at the boy watching her with adoration in his eyes, a look that she wanted to capture forever and the words flowed out of her mouth before she could stop them. 

"C-Can I try drawing you?" she blurted out. 

He looked flustered for a moment, running a hand through his hair self-consciously before glancing at her awkwardly. "Me? Why?"

"You're beautiful" she shrugged carelessly before coughing, "Uh, I mean-"

"Okay" Finn smiled slightly. 

A buzz of excitement tore through her body, Millie instantly letting out a happy laugh before grabbing a piece of paper. She grabbed several colored pencils despite his dark eyes, hair and clothing. She knew that despite his dark features, he had so much light and color inside of him which made him the best person she had ever known. She fumbled for a moment, instructing him to sit naturally with his knees pulled up to his chest, his head looking down at his ankles slightly so that his eyes were hidden under his mop of hair. She sat staring for a moment, admiring the curve of his sharp cheekbones and the curls bundled by his ears, before he glanced up at her with a raised eyebrows. Millie's cheeks burned with embarrassment and soon her pencil hit paper, each stroke creating the boy that she had fallen in love with. 

His body was tall and slim, his legs taking up most of the room on the bed. His dark hair contrasted against his pale skin, light meeting darkness as the sunlight almost made his skin sparkle as it soaked his form through the open window. Although he was in pajamas, he looked like a model, like he was naturally able to express all of his beauty and pain in a single look. He was so full of pain at the same time as never letting any of it show. Millie held back her tears as she continued to draw him, sniffing and reassuring him that she just had a cold. She had told him that she wanted to draw him to keep the passion alive, for her to always look at his beautiful features if he wasn't at home. But deep down, she knew that there was more to it than that, something that had forced her to draw him.