Not Really There | FILLIE

seven - breathe me

song - Breathe Me by Sia

~"I have lost myself again
 Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
  Yeah, I think that I might break
  Lost myself again and I feel unsafe , Be my friend, hold me
    Wrap me up, unfold me
  I am small, I'm needy
   Warm me up and breathe me"~

Millie watched Finn with nervous eyes, chewing on her lip as he opened the file slowly. It was thin, something which scared her even more, as if even the life that she once had was short. Finn's eyes greedily scanned over the first page, mumbling out random details about her age and her date of birth, a strange feeling passing over her as she learnt all of the information. It was like getting to know someone, but entirely different because she was not getting to know somebody else, she was having to get to know herself. 

"Damn it" Finn muttered angrily, "There's no address for your old house."

Millie urged him on nervously. "W-Well, what does it say?"

His voice was quiet, as if all of the information was useless to him, although to her it was something so precious and unexpected. She sat with shaking legs in front of her, watching Finn scan the paper as if it was something without any value, not understanding that this was something that would mean everything to her. 

"You were in the choir..." Finn smiled softly to himself, looking up at her innocently, "You can sing? Can you sing something for me?"

She sent him a stern look. "Finn, that isn't important right now."

"S-Sorry" he mumbled distractedly, going back to the paper, "Uh...your grades were good, damn...I think you were a nerd. You won two science fare trophies and a creative writing competition when you were thirteen. There isn't much else..."

Her face fell, a disappointed look coming into her eyes. "That's it?"

"Yeah" he mumbled quietly, looking up at her with sad eyes. "I-I'm sorry. It doesn't say anything about where you used to live or about your family. There isn't any contact information, I think the office must keep them in another storage unit or something for privacy laws. I mean, let me see if I can find out who your teacher was and then-"

She snatched the folder, slamming it shut. "What's the point?"

Finn's eyes widened as snatched the folder, his mouth opening to speak without knowing what he could say to make her feel better. He watched her with sympathetic eyes for a few moments as she paced the room, her fists clenched and eyes dark with anger. She had been setting herself up for disappointment but it still hurt to know that they were so far from helping her, a deep dark fear coming across her at the idea of never escaping the loop she was stuck in, watching Finn grow up and built a life without her. 

"Millie..." he called softly, "Tell me what I can do to help."

She shook her head, fighting back tears. "Nothing. You've done all that you can."

Finn stood up, walking over to her with pleading eyes. "No, there is so much more we can try! We can talk to your teacher and see if they know anything about why you left or something like that...we can look around the school to see if you recognize anyone..I can ask my friends if they know you! Maybe they-"

"Your friends?" she scoffed. "I hope I didn't know them."

He sighed. "That's not fair, Millie."

"Oh, it isn't fair to hate the people who walk all over you like you're a fucking doormat? The people who let you get hurt so that they could sell their drugs, remember? Or have the bruises really faded that quickly?" she snapped.