Out in the Wind

Chapter 14

"Hey dude," Patrick says as winds down the window after he stops next to me.

"Hi," I answer. "Thanks for doing this. Really."

"No problem. I completely understand what you're going through," Patrick says, eyeing the three boxes on the parking lot of the mall next to me. "I really could have picked it up at your house you know."

"Nope. Here is fine. I needed to kinda say my goodbyes. It just didn't feel right any other way," I answer as he climbs out and opens the trunk of his car.

I help him to load the three boxes of book into his car and he closes the trunk.

"So... Wanna tell me about it? I'm here if you need to talk you know," he says. It almost looks like he tries to touch me but then his hand moves to his hair, pushing it out of his face again.

"It's just I can't stand to look at any of the books. It was my thing with my dad. He gave all of them to me, but I just can't have them in the house," I lie with my best poker face on. My lie is justified. If this is how I get to keep the only things worth something great to me, then it must be justified. Sure... I could tell Patrick the truth, but then I stand losing it.

"It's kinda weird that you asked me to keep something so special safe for you and not Mandy?" Patrick says, his one eyebrow reaching into his hair that's already fallen back into his face. I don't even get why he keeps pushing it out of his face if it just falls back every time.

"Mandy doesn't understand the book thing. And she's done a lot for me since my dad died," I answer as I look away. I wonder what my dad would say about all my lies. Not that he can say anything at all. As we have found out he was the master of lies.

"I get that too. Don't want to put all your eggs into one basket."

I look at Patrick, not even sure I am getting what he is saying, but for what he is doing for me he can say whatever he likes.

"I really thought you were texting me to set up another date," Patrick continues. "I felt kinda ghosted after you didn't text back. I didn't do something wrong, did I?"

The awkward conversation that I hoped would not arise has crept up on me, and now there is no way out. I need to face it now.

"You didn't do anything wrong Patrick. I'm just not sure I fit into your world. Not like that in any case," I answer. I can feel his eyes piercing me, waiting for a better explanation than this, but it is all I can suffer to say to him.

"It's about money, isn't it?" he asks. There's a vein popping a bit in his forehead.

"No," I answer, looking down at my shoes. I'll need new ones soon by the looks of it. Not that there will be money for it. What we got yesterday for almost everything we own will barely be enough to keep us going as it is. Soon I will be the guy with duct tape around his shoes.

"Then what Cory? Are you playing hard to get or something? Because I can tell you that I'm not a fan on games. I like to know where I stand with someone. If you tell me that we'll be friends only, then we call it a day and just be friends. It's this not knowing what the hell you're thinking that's getting to me," Patrick says. His voice sounds harsh, almost a bit mean, but I can't blame him. I get exactly where he is coming from.

"I don't know," I say still avoiding his eyes at all cost. "I just need some space for the moment, okay?"

I look up and meet his eyes. He looks hurt, but he controls himself so well.

"Maybe we should just be friends for the moment?" I ask. I don't want to lose him. Dating him means I would lose him. I would rather just be a friend and keep him for as long as I can.