Out in the Wind

Chapter 29

"I love you, but I can't stay longer. It may be a while before I speak to you again. I'm so happy you were my first, Theo, and you were worth all the heartache. I hope I wasn't living in some alternate universe where I wasn't actually your first love, too. But this universe is the only one that matters, and I have one last question for you: I didn't get our history wrong, did I?" I read, glancing up at Dumbledore, sitting there with his eyes closed, nodding his head up and down.

"So that's it?" he asks as I close the book and push it into my backpack, trying my best to still control the tears burning behind my eyes because of the book's ending.

"Yeah," I answer. "It kinda got to me, but I think I will read it again."

"Books are like mistakes. You shouldn't revisit them," Dumbledore says as he pulls the blanket that's over his knees up to his chin to try and ward off the cold in the air.

"I don't understand," I say, cocking my head before picking up my can again that I didn't finish eating earlier. I think the prospect of knowing how the story ends was more exciting and a bigger priority to me than what the hunger pains were.

"What do you think about when you read those words?" Dumbledore asks, looking me in the eyes.

"My dad..." I say thinking about the day he gave me the book. I was excited to get it, and until today I still can't understand why I didn't start reading it right away.

"And what else? What would it remind you off when you read it again in the future?" he asks again, giving me a moment to think as he rummages through his trolley for a minute before bringing out a small brown paper bag.

"Probably this. Us sitting here. Where I've ended up," I answer thinking deeply.

"Exactly boy. This book will always remind you that you were homeless. Every word in every book that we read carries a part of our history; our soul. It goes with us, and sometimes it's nice to revisit an old memory, but sometimes it is better if the history is left between the cover and in the pages never to be opened again. You will be back on this bench when you read it again, and you aren't made for this. You shouldn' be sleeping in the park. You should be in a bed," the old man says as he exhales deeply. "Tell me, why do you keep comin' back here? I've seen the boy who comes and drops you off here. He kisses you. You can sleep where he sleeps."

"It's complicated," I answer, but I know it isn't complicated at all. I have thought about this every single night for the past week as I fell asleep underneath the bench with Dumbledore snoring above me.

I don't have to be here. I could go to Mandy. I could even go to Patrick. It doesn't matter. I could have a roof over my head with only one message that I send. I mean, Patrick has asked me over and over again to rather sleep at his place. His parents are off again, his mom busy with her Kent house and his dad is somewhere in LA busy with some film. The only person home apart from Patrick is the butler and Patrick's nanny something who doesn't really care that much about Patrick at all unless he needs something. I could stay there for a month, and maybe even months without anyone ever knowing on his side. That is how far removed that family is from one another. I never thought for a moment that I would be sitting here, and sleep outside – being homeless by choice. For no reason at all, except that an old man was nice to me and I wanted him to know the rest of the story.

"It's not kid. It's not. You just repeat stories. That's what you do. You repeat. But you don't belong here no more. You didn' belong here in the first place. You need to go back to school. You still have a chance to make somethin' off yourself," he says with a sigh.

"I can't go back to school," I answer, thinking about the things that Jaycee has said, the things keeping me away from my education.

"You can and you will. You are holdin' on to that book as if this homeless business is the start. You're not meant to be a bum like me. Got it kid? I am tellin' you now. This is not the start. Tonight is the end. From tomorrow you are sleepin' in a bed. You do what you must. You keep your head high and you provide. This is the start for you, you hear me?"