Out in the Wind

Chapter 19

"I'm okay. Really," I say as I accept the bottle of water Patrick is giving to me.

"No you're not. You fucking fainted. I really think you should go and see the school nurse," he says as he again pulls his fingers through my hair, which in turn doesn't make me feel like he is comforting me at all. It actually just makes me feel highly irritated.

"No really. I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired, that's all. I haven't been sleeping well," I tell Patrick through gritted teeth. The last thing I need is a nurse telling me what I already know – I need some serious sleep.

"Why? What's been going on? You've been totally ghosting me again as well," Patrick says. "Does it have something to do with the family drama that went on?"

I look at him trying to figure out how he would know about my situation, but then it hits me. I was the one who sent him a text that I was feeling scared. It just seems like my brain isn't with the system at the moment. Everything takes longer to process, or doesn't process at all. I'm pretty sure if someone had to test me on everything I have learned in school in the past few days I wouldn't be able to answer one single question.

"It's something like that. Look, like I said, I'm just really tired," I repeat myself before getting a bright idea. "Would you mind if I maybe have a nap in the back of your car for a few hours? Just till the end of the school day."

"You want to sleep in a car?"

I can hear the disbelief in his voice, and I can fully understand that. Who would want to actually opt for sleeping in a car? I wouldn't in my wildest dreams, but at this point I am doing that in any case, and it would be way better doing so on school grounds, in daytime where I know I am safe, without not being able to go to sleep because I am scared of every single light of a car or person that walks past our car. It's already happened twice that someone working at a gas station has asked us to please move the car because we can't sleep there, and I am sure I would have had an even bigger fright if I wasn't awake to see them coming towards us.

"Yeah. Anywhere actually. Just a while. I'm sure I will feel better once I've had some sleep," I answer and I can't think but wondering how my mom gets to fall asleep so easily in the car. It must be because of Chloe. Keeping her busy in a car, walking around parks, using restrooms in malls, and still trying to find a job with a baby on the arm must be really difficult. In the afternoons she tries to keep Chloe just as busy while I sit in the car trying to do some homework that just doesn't seem to stick. The only thing I have been useful at has been to try and read Chloe to sleep with the book that Mr. Graham has given me.

"You can't sleep in the car," Patrick says as he takes my hand and pulls me up into a hug. Two seniors walk past us and one must make a comment about us because the other one looks back to us and laughs.

"Why not?" I ask. I can feel my eyelids slipping again. The tiredness is really overwhelming at this stage. I am sure I could actually fall asleep while standing upright, and actually if it wasn't for Patrick holding me, I'm not sure I would be able to stay upright in one position and not fall over at this point.

"Because someone might catch you and then you will be in even bigger trouble than making comments about Hamburgh's hair on her legs," Patrick answers. I can hear that he is trying to be stern, but I have no idea if he is actually giving me a stern look since I am resting my head on his shoulder, trying my best to stay upright.

"I don't care. I just really need some sleep," I whisper into Patrick's ear.

"Then I'll take you home rather. You can sleep and be fresh again for school tomorrow," he says.

It takes me a moment to take in what he is saying. When it finally hits my brain I can feel my entire body going into overdrive. The last thing I need is for him to try and take me home. I can't have him know that I don't have a home. What do I say to him? Drop me off at Wallmart since my mom is picking me up there in the car we sleep in? No ways!