Out in the Wind

Chapter 37

Sometimes you don't need to know where you're going. You just need to trust that you are going forward and not backward. That's exactly what went through my mind when I climbed into the car next to Mister Watson. For all I knew he could have been taking me somewhere to rape me. Gosh, with the kinks he was into he might have even opted to kill me, but anything was better than what I had this morning. I would gladly take death at this point. I am tired of fighting. Tired of wanting everything to change and being willing to sell my body and soul to change it. At this point I just can't relive the past few months. I can't anymore.

"How are you feeling?" Mister Watson asks as we turn yet another corner. We are driving into a part of town I can't recall ever having visited in the past.

"Tired," I mutter, examining my finger nails for something to do. They aren't nearly as neat as they used to be at a stage before everything started happening and falling apart, but at least they were clean.

"Didn't sleep well last night?" he asks. There's a little bit of a smile on his face. Maybe he sees himself as some awesome hero, having saved me from a terrible fate, but then again, he doesn't understand that he can't really save me. Nobody can. This was just today. Tomorrow I might be willing to do even more. I could be even more desperate to try and help my mom and little sister.

"Not that. Just tired in general," I answer. I have no idea why I said that. I don't usually just spill all my emotions, but it's the truth. I am tired. Tired of everything mainly.

"I'm sorry about what happened between us. If I had any idea... Well, let's just say... There was no way I would have enjoyed it if I knew..."

I can hear the words make him nervous. Maybe he is really feeling guilty, but it doesn't matter to me. I don't judge him for what he did to me. He didn't really even do anything wrong at all I guess. He never knew, and I trust him that he would not have gone through with it if he knew it was me.

"It's okay. I got really turned on as well. You have a really good body for your age," I answer trying my very best to make a little light of the situation. I could have told him that I really like the fact that he has a six pack, or that I think he has a great looking dick, but I guess that would make things too awkward.

"Still. It's not something I am proud off," he answers. "And I would really like to help you Cory, if you'd let me."

"Don't make offers you can't keep," I answer, going back to studying my nails. If there is one thing I have learned is that nobody just wants to help with nothing in return. And sure, he might want to help me, but what about my family. We are a package deal for the most of it.

"I wouldn't make the offer if I didn't believe I could see it through."

I stop looking at my nails and turn my body to face him.

"Please pull over," I ask calmly.

"Why?" he replies, but he starts slowing down the car almost immediately.

"I want to talk to you and I want you to look me in the eye," I answer. I have no idea where I am getting the guts to do this, but I can't help myself.

When we stop, he turns off the car and turns toward me, looking me dead in the eyes.

"Yes Cory?" he asks. He doesn't move a muscle and as usually in his presence I feel the shrink in him stepping forward.

"What do you want in return? Want me to suck you off every now and again? Maybe even allow you to fuck me or something?"

I know I am being rude. I know he could probably ask me to get the hell out of his car immediately, but I need to know the truth. Sure, if he's willing to help my family it would probably not be the worst thing in the world to become his personal toy. His little gay bitch. But he won't make this decision for me. I will not be forced into it. If that's what I need to do, I will probably do it. But I need to make the decision. I need to be in control. I need to be the one to accept some kind of offer he makes me.