Jahseh
I walked into my room and flopped on my bed. I went to the store to get soap and stuff but I ended up buying clothes and something to eat. Which I didn't even eat cause I took one bite and my body rejected it. I haven't been able to keep down any food but I've been tying to drink smoothies. And then I have been trying to avoid Stokeley cause that kiss was a mistake and I don't need to get attached. I dont need him getting attached to me either. That won't end well. Cause I'm too emotional for a relationship and I'm not doing it. Period.
I left my new clothes in the bags cause I'm moving so there's no reason to unpack. When I was done I decided to get in the shower cause it's been a long day and I'm tired. I turned the shower on and connected my phone to the new speaker I just bought and played a beat I'm trying to write a song to. (Beat to train food)
I stripped of my clothes and refused to look in the mirror and my bruised skin and perfectly "toned" body. I stepped into the shower and lay the warm water run down my body as I washed myself.
When I got out the shower I dried myself off and then slid on some boxers. I threw the towel over my shoulder and walked into my room. I jumped when I saw Stokeley sitting on my bed.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"I was waiting for you to get out so we could Uh talk," he said.
"We don't have anything to talk about," I stood in the doorway of the bathroom. I held the towel over my myself to hide my body.
"I think we do," he said. "You need to stop using your gay powers on me. I don't need no one seeing that. I have a career to maintain."
I chuckled, "you kissed me and then tried to take my shirt off. I didn't make any moves on you and I won't so don't worry. That's the second time you kissed me so maybe you're the one with the gay powers," I rolled my eyes.
"I would have never done it if you weren't biting your lip," he argued.
"I bite my lip when I get anxiety or something, so I don't know what you got going on but don't blame that on me. No one made you kiss me," I shook my head. "And that's all it was cause it won't happen ever again."
"Jahseh I want us to be friends but not if this is going to keep happening," he sighed.
"Honey I don't want to be with you," I chuckled. "I was just a kiss. Bet over it," I shook my head as my towel fell to the ground.
"What that on your arm?" He stood up from my bed and started walking towards me. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I'm not doing this today.
"Jahseh what's on your arms?" He asked.
"Nothing," I sighed.
I mean there isn't anymore. They are all scabbed. I haven't cut in three days and I'm trying to stop cause I'm a public figure now so I have to set an example.
"Why are you tryna keep me out?" He sighed.
"You change up so much you know that. One minute your yelling at me about something and then all of a suddenly you care. You act like some one I used to know. I don't want those vibes." I told him.
"I don't mean to, I just, I care about you and sometimes I look at you in a way that I shouldn't and I don't like it. I don't like that I don't have control," he said.
"Well im not trying to make you uncomfortable. I can leave if you want,"I suggested.
"Why do you want to leave so bad?" He asked.
"Cause I don't feel emotionally safe here," I said.
"I want you to feel safe here. I want you to stay here."
"I'll visit," I chuckled.
"My bed?" He asked. I couldn't tell if he was serious or not but I was at a loss of words.
"Your bed?"
"Yeah," he said. "Be mine." He said.
"I barely know you." I said.
"Well then get to know me," he chuckled.
"And I told you I didn't want to be in a relationship," I said.
"Okay we'll visit my guest room," he chuckled. "Be my friend."
"I'll think about it," I sighed.
