Burned

9

           Alfie informed the driver about the change of plans before returning inside.

Louise let him in and turned the lock behind him. She suddenly became extremely nervous. It was the first time Alfie had actually been to her flat. And now she felt like she was on the cusp of revealing her feelings if she hadn't hinted at them enough.

"Can I get you a cup of tea?" She reverted to the days when she was brought up to be the perfect hostess.

"No, thank you." Alfie was at a loss. He felt like he was standing on a ledge with a raging ocean below. Either he turned, walked away from it all, protected Louise and himself, remained the ruthless gangster who was void of feelings. Or he took that leap and confessed everything to her. He couldn't judge how high the fall was, how deep the water below was, or whether he'd land right on a rock.

"Alfie..." Louise chewed on her lip. "Perhaps we should talk."

"S'late, love." He tensed up. "Should get you some rest."

"But I," She paused and searched his eyes for any prompts. "I need to tell you a few things-"

"Nothing that can't wait 'til morning." He shied away from the ledge. His stomach twisted up in nauseating knots.

"Actually I don't think it can, I've been wanting-"

"S'bit drafty in here, yeah, want someone to look at the windows?"

"Would you stop inter-"

"Could be the vents."

"Alfie, I think I love you." Louise blurted out.

The two stared at each other in stunned silence as the words stuck in the air, hovering between them. The clock ticked on and a few drunk men hollered down the street outside.

Alfie fought every urge to blindly profess his love back to her. Even if it felt right, maybe it wasn't the right thing to do. He never got cold feet about killing a man, never questioned the morality of his actions. But this was majorly different. How could he subject Louise to his life, his sins? Was his greed finally catching up to him?

"Say something, please." She begged in a broken whisper. Her hands wrung together anxiously.

He took a shaky breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I am truly the wrong fucking man to love." He spoke slowly as n to give away his internal struggle.

"Well, I can't help it now, can I?" Honestly, she had been expecting a different response. Maybe she was being naïve. "That's how I feel."

"I killed your fucking husband, Louise!" He exclaimed. Perhaps a stern reminder of his murderous tendencies would push her away. She'd seen a weaker side of him but that didn't mean he still wasn't the fierce man the rest of the world saw.

Her mouth popped open in disbelief. "I said I forgave you!" She retorted, her voice rising in pitch.

"I'm not some fucking saint."

"I never wanted you to be."

"I'll ruin your life."

She jabbed a finger at him. "Don't, don't do this. Not after everything you've done for me!" She accused. Her hazel eyes overflowing with confusion. "Alfie, I told you how happy you make me."

The man ran a hand over his face. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't've..."

"Stop. Listen to me." She demanded and stepped closer to him. "Look at me."

Alfie felt like he was two feet smaller. He couldn't even raise his head to look at her. He was crushing her and in turn, was harming himself. But he couldn't shake off the nightmares he'd had about her. If she was his, she would be in constant danger.