Burned

33

           Alfie couldn't ignore it any longer. He had started to avoid looking at mirrors. He really didn't mind what he looked like, as long as he appeared intimidating to his foes. But he didn't want to worry Louise and he didn't want his son growing up and seeing him in such a state. It wasn't fair to either of them. Still, Teddy was a good distraction. Caring for him was never ending and Louise was hesitant to hire a nanny. Taking care of the newborn kept him in the present moment and allowed him to forget about what was ahead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

One morning, he found Louise burping Teddy in the parlor. "Morning, love." Alfie kissed his wife and let Teddy grab a hold of his thumb. "Hello there, Teddy. You alright?" He murmured softly.

Louise smiled but it faded when she looked up at him. The progression of cancer was gradual but sometimes seeing it made her want to cry. It looked terribly painful and there was nothing she could do.

"Want me to take him?"

She nodded and handed the baby to Alfie. "How are you feeling today?"

"Can't complain, living in paradise aren't I?" He sat down near his wife and let Teddy rest on his chest. The baby looked so tiny compared to his broad shoulders.

Louise knew better than to press the matter. Her husband never liked to talk about his cancer. In fact, he was content to go weeks without speaking about it, if possible. Instead, he liked to focus on her and Teddy. It wasn't awful, but she didn't want him to ignore his own health.

"Can't believe he only woke us up once last night." Alfie chuckled and smoothed back his son's feathery hair. Teddy curled his fists around Alfie's shirt and rested his cheek down. "Must be a new record for him, innit?"

"It might be." She agreed softly with a smile. Alfie embraced fatherhood as if it were the best position he could ever hold. He never once complained about Teddy crying or fussing, even if it were in the middle of the night. He remarked on every little stepping-stone. How Teddy's hair grew, how he started to recognize faces or the tiny smile he gave one afternoon.

But it still didn't cancel out the worries he had for his future. What if Teddy's first and only memory of Alfie was him wasting away? Being eaten alive by horrendous skin cancer? What sort of mental image was that for a young boy to have? Teddy reached up and placed a tiny hand over Alfie's cheek. The man smiled sadly. "Yeah, mate, I know." He sighed quietly. "Turning into a monster."

Louise frowned. "Alfie..."

"S'alright, love." He feigned an amused look. "Becoming the monsters everyone else sees, ain't I?"

She stood and walked over to him. "That's not true at all. You're still the man I fell in love with." She knelt in front of him and took the hand that wasn't supporting Teddy. Her thumb brushed over some of the marks on his skin. "These don't define you. Look." She smiled at their son. "That defines you. Our son. You're not a monster, you're my husband, the man I love, and a perfect father."

Alfie looked at Teddy who had dozed off. "Think it's time to retire." He said quietly and tugged her close.

Louise picked up Teddy and curled up on Alfie's lap. He wrapped his arms around them both. "Do you want to or do you feel like you have to?" It made her happy to think about Alfie finally retiring. But she didn't want him to feel forced into it.

"Nah." He shook his head and glanced down at the tattoo on his hand. The one he'd gotten so many years ago after the War. A stupid boy who wanted power and reputation. Riches and luxury he never had growing up. How far he'd come from that man. "Getting too old for it, ain't I?" He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Not the young man I used to be."