elise | jjk ✓

quinze

📼 out of love
alessia cara
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jeongguk woke up on thursday morning with the feeling of a jackhammer hitting his head. he had to admit, it surprisingly felt better than the day before, even though he couldn't remember much of it. it was all like a hazy blur. he knew that it happened, he knew what he did, but every time he tried to think about it, it'd slip his mind and leave him.

"hey, you're up," a small voice came and jeongguk opened his eyes to see adriana, perched on the side of his bed with a cup of something in her small hands. "how're you feeling?"

jeongguk rustled in his bed, his hands coming to cover up his eyes in the pain of him not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment—especially adriana.

he didn't know why. he knew he was being hostile and he didn't like it, he just didn't know how to stop it.

"hey," adriana cooed softly, setting the cup down on his nightstand, and prying his hands away from his tired looking face. "what's wrong, love?"

jeongguk couldn't help but stare into her worried eyes. they were dark brown and so soft, just like adriana herself. he had fallen for her eyes, the first time he saw her, the way they melt and flourish with every word that she says. and now, they were sad and hesitant, like the next thing she would say could break him.

"i'm just—" jeongguk sighed and then pursed his lips, not wanting to give adriana haste any longer, "—tired. i'm just tired, i guess."

"jeongguk," adriana pleaded him as he rustled in the bed to get up, "i need you to talk to me. tell me what's going on."

jeongguk sat up, bringing his knees into tiny mountains on the bed. a sigh left his lips as he watched adriana's mind work into overdrive. "i think we need a break."

adriana paused. "did i do something?" she asked in a low voice. everything she had dreamt about, was coming true. the distance, the ignorance, they had all meant something.

jeongguk looked to her with hardened eyes. he knew that if he gave in to her, her charms, her eyes, her everything—he would cry and he would break down, because he did truly care for adriana. but he knew he didn't love her. he didn't think he ever would. and he knew she deserved better than that.

"you didn't do anything," he said softly. "it's me. i need to... figure some shit out, and you deserve more than that."

adriana nodded sadly. "okay," she answered quietly. getting up from the bed, a foreign look on her face, she gazed at him one last time. "keep me in the loop, jeongguk. we can sort this out, i know we can."

"i will—adriana," he said, "—don't think i'm doing this out of haste—"

"please, jeongguk," she pleaded as she reached the doorway. "don't make it worse."

and so he didn't. he watched as she walked out of his room, and sunk back into the pillows when he heard the door to his apartment close with a click.

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i'm sorry for this lame chapter, you guys deserve so much better