elise | jjk ✓

dix-huit

📼 good stuff
griff
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for a moment, however small it is, it feels as though no time has passed and the jeongguk and elise that was a thing back in korea, was a thing now, still flourishing. it was weird, both of them sitting on a bed, civilly and not at each other's throats as one might think.

it's white sheets, and fluffy duvets that smell like roses and champagne—it's jeongguk and elise, backs flush against the bed as they giggle about god knows what, and god knows everything.

it's time, and how none of it has passed, because this moment is theirs. they own it and nothing else. not their feelings, not their words, not their hearts, because all of that is in the open now and who's to say they can't be free?

but paris... it's different. in paris, lives are one masked ball.

so the laughter stops. it was bound to, inevitable even. and jeongguk sits up, the smile fading from his face as elise's contorts in confusion.

"what's wrong?" she asks.

jeongguk sighs, because she should know this. "everything, elise. can't you see it?"

she frowns and diverts her eyes from jeongguk's magnetic stare.

"we fell back into this routine of pretending everything's okay," he pauses. "it's not."

"jeongguk..."

"no," he gets up from the bed, the remnants of a playful smile no longer on his face, "you know we can't keep on like this, elise." there's hurt in his eyes and fire in his words. "you know, elise. that's why you came, isn't it?"

she's silent because he's right. he usually is. there would be no point in arguing any further when they're sitting in a hotel room in paris because she flew halfway across the world to see him.

"you have to let it all out," jeongguk begs. "please, talk to me."

like a water fountain, the tears well up in her eyes before she even has time to control them. elise's lip starts to tremble like a little girl who's lost her mother, and she watches as jeongguk instantly turns soft again.

"i couldn't do it anymore, jeongguk," she whispers, the tears falling in hot, hard streams. "i needed you by my side, but i ruined everything, and so you left, and a part of me left when you did," she pauses as jeongguk listens. "i was absolutely miserable. and i deserved to be, i really did. i ruined the best thing i had ever had, and this was just karma coming to get me. i thought i was doing the best thing for you—but i was broken. so broken, i didn't think i could carry on this way much longer."

the last confession shatters jeongguk's heart a fraction. he moves closer to elise on the bed, but she still stays guarded by her own emotions.

"it was either stay in seoul... and possibly not be there for much longer..." she sniffles, "or fly halfway across the world in an attempt to salvage a relationship with the best person i was fortunate to have loved."

elise looks up and meets her lover's hazel eyes. she smiles faintly, and brings a nimble hand up to caress his cheek.

"i loved you, jeongguk. i really did. harder and more passionately than i had ever loved someone before...

"and it scared me. to death. so i ran, like i usually do, and i fucked you up. i fucked everything up," she smiles sadly, aware at how cowardly this all sounds. "i got scared of my own emotions and i let that minuscule fact dictate my life."

"and i am so sorry."