One Month (Camren FanFic)

Day 7

Camila's POV:

I decided to give her some space, but I haven't stopped thinking about what happened. I just can't, no matter how hard I've tried to distract myself, my mind always goes directly back to our last kiss. I don't think there's a right way to talk to your best friend about how she once again drunk kissed you while having a boyfriend, and actually being engaged this time.

I've been thinking about what I'm going to tell her all day, and I've come up with nothing at all. The kiss was a horrible mistake I should've prevented. It had been my fault as much as hers, and it was an immature decision not to stop her. But, Lauren's lips were dangerously close to mine, her eyes seemed even brighter than usual, and it felt like the day of the concert again. I was weak, and she wanted to kiss me, even if she had been drunk off her ass, somewhere in her subconscious she wanted of feel my lips against hers again.

That's what I've kept telling myself trying to somehow justify I had allowed Lauren to kiss me. I've failed though, and it only makes me feel guiltier to think about how I knew she was extremely vulnerable that night and I took advantage of that. Lauren and Luis were in the middle of a fight, because of me I might add, and she needed me by her sider, but I know she'd never act that way being sober. I just couldn't deny her the dangerous touch of my lips. Just thinking about the disappointed look on her face if I had moved my face breaks my heart. I know I should've her anyway, but once again I let my emotions take over my judgment. I had the chance to do it, I could've stopped her if I wanted to, but who the hell am I kidding? I had been dreaming about kissing Lauren again for way too long.

I craved to taste the lips I had already kissed twice before. I know the circumstances weren't the best, but that hadn't stopped her before. Lauren clearly didn't care about cheating on Luis. She had already done that twice and then acted like nothing happened at all. But, every single touch meant a lot to me.

I just don't understand how she can just go on with her life acting like nothing happened. As much as I don't like Luis at all, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on three times now. Lauren doesn't deserve to be used by his skinny Brazilian ass either though, which really makes me wonder how they're getting married in less than a month when they can't even be honest with each other.

What am I supposed to do now anyways? Do I just pretend nothing happened like Lauren always does or do I confront her? I chose the first option the first two times we kissed and those were probably the most overwhelming months of my life. Knowing I had given her such a private and important part of me, and that hadn't meant nothing but a drunk mistake she didn't even remember made me feel worthless. I felt used and broken, but I never had the guts to confront her about it. I was too damn scared to upset her and end up driving her away from me completely. The thought of losing my best friend terrified me to death, and it still does, which is why maybe I should just pretend nothing happened.

After our first kiss, we didn't mention anything about it, at all. Lauren clearly seemed to have forgotten, and talking about it would've only made things worse. If one of the most important moments of my life had been so insignificant to her, then I didn't want to seem desperate by bringing it up. My life changed completely though. After the blissful feeling of Lauren's full lips pressed against mine skillfully, I finally accepted I was hopelessly in love with her. Everything I had been feeling for a relatively long time made sense, those were the only pair of lips I wanted to kiss again and I convinced myself no one would ever make me feel like she did. Surprisingly, I was right. I've kissed other people since that day, but no one compares to Lauren. Nothing has even come close to the indescribable feeling of her impulsive kisses, and now I know for sure I won't be able to find someone who can match up to her.

I guess I'm just doomed to live the rest of my life alone. If I can't have her, then I don't want anyone else. I don't want to waste my time with someone who won't be able to fulfill me like she does. It's pointless to pretend I can love someone else, when I can't. I just can't stop thinking about her stupidly pretty green eyes and flawless beautiful lips and perfect dumb hair and an eyebrow game stronger than God. I don't want anyone else, I just want her to be by side forever.