One Month (Camren FanFic)

Day 9

Camila's POV:

I can't.

I've tried to be her friend, but it's so damn hard. Honestly, I never thought I'd go through such an emotionally exhausting experience just by spending a couple of days by her side. I guess Lauren is one of those people who can either make you or break you.

When we were best friends while our band was still together she definitely made me. I was too scared to even sing in front of my family, but she made me believe in myself. When I was about to give up or felt worthless, she told me I was beautiful. She encouraged me to follow my dreams no matter what, and thanks to her I got to live the most wonderful years of my life. There's no doubt that Lauren Jauregui made me the woman I am today, and for that I'll be forever grateful.

But she could just as easily break me, and she did a couple of times. Even though she never stopped being my rock and shoulder to cry on, there were moments when my heart was unconsolably broken because of her, and she couldn't do anything to help me. Right now, I'm going through one of those moments. Lauren had tried to talk to me about the kisses, and for a long time I wanted her to, but when the words started coming out of her mouth, the sad realization that even if she remembered about the special moments we had shared, they hadn't meant anything to her, hit me painfully in the face. I treasured those remarkable memories as the best days of my life, while she only wanted to put those mistakes behind us before her wedding day.

I can't keep pretending that seeing how perfect her life is without me isn't killing me. I know I'm sounding like a jealous freak, but I promise it's nothing like that. Even though I want to spend the rest of my life with the green eyed girl and I'd be more than happy to have the honor of marrying her, I also want her to be happy. If anyone in this world deserves a happily ever after it's her. Lauren is one of the most selfless and kindhearted people I've met. She cares so much about everyone around her, and even though she has made some mistakes, I can honestly say she never meant to hurt anyone. Maybe that's why it pisses me off so much that Luis gets to marry her instead of someone worthy of Lauren's time. He has been lying to her for more than a year, and doesn't seem to care about it. He took advantage of Lauren's popularity, and used her to gain fame. I hated him so much because of that, but I honestly didn't expect him to lie to her face for so long.

I promised to help her though. Even if my heart aches every time I see Lauren holding Luis's hand, I'm in New York because I told her I'd help out with the wedding. Was it a horrible mistake? Maybe. Should I have listened to Austin's suggestion and go back home? Absolutely. But somehow, I'm still here, in this empty apartment, wasting my time, thinking about what would've been if I had never told Lauren how I feel. If I had continued with my tour instead, I'd be in Alabama performing the same old catchy pop songs in front of a bunch of obnoxious thirteen year old girls I could care less about, and dreading waking up to the same crap, but I'm pretty sure even that would be better than what I'm going through right now.

Maybe it was less painful to think Lauren had been too drunk to remember about kissing me. That way, she hadn't been conscious of doing it. But, if she hadn't been as drunk as I thought she had been, then she knew exactly what she was doing. Lauren kissed me because she wanted to. The kisses hadn't been impulsive and uncontrollable instincts. The desirable lips had met mine three times because Lauren wanted to and didn't care about the consequences of her actions. At first I thought the kisses hadn't meant anything to her because she was too drunk to remember, but the more I think about this whole thing, the more I realize the kisses hadn't meant anything to her because I don't mean anything to her. She didn't care about my feelings before deciding to kiss me. Lauren had shamelessly played with the deepest and most personal part of me, and didn't even seem to regret doing so.