Little Dark Secrets

Life of Gianni Giordano

Gianni sipped his scotch slowly letting the smooth sounds of Elvis Presley try to lullaby him. It was the only way he was able to sleep as of late.

As a Don a lot is expected of him. The pressure of being as powerful but also a better person than his father, overwhelmed him. He sighed running a hand through his messy hair.

Gianni got up from the bed happy that Catalina was still sleeping. He wasn't in the mood for her antics.

He walked to the window and looked out over the city of Boston. It was his now ever since Vincent Madden turned himself in 10 years ago. But is that what Gianni really wanted?

He sat against the glass staring out at the bright lights. He often thought of his mother. Wondered where she ran off too. Why she never came back for him. Was he not enough?

Of course he wasn't enough. He was never enough. He sighed scratching his head. He hated thinking of the past. The past made him think about his pain. He went through so much pain that it ruined his mental health.

Gianni was a disturbed person. Everyone knew this. His innocence stripped from him at 5 years old. Through his hard facade he was extremely sensitive. Women from all over had desired to be the one to change him. Be his angel and peace in through his  storm. He was a beautiful man so it wasn't out of the ordinary for women to want to be around him.

But no one could save him. He thought a pretty Italian woman with a kind heart would heal him and he would settle down. Hence the presence of his fiancé Catelina.

However, those feelings crept back. He thought he could love Cat but he felt nothing. It sucked for both of them. But Cat was determined to keep his love. She would be the one to change the "cold-hearted" Gianni Giordano. She wanted to be the most envied woman and she was.

That's what Gianni noticed and it did nothing but make it harder to want her in his life. Everyone just wanted to be on his good side. No one was a challenge, no friendship was earned.

Everything was superficial and that was fine for Gianni. At least he wouldn't get hung up on the idea of something being real when it was a waste of time. He wouldn't get hurt.

He was so used to be hurt he hardly expected much good anymore.

The only person who understood him died 13 years ago. It was all his fault. He handed his father the gun, aiding in killing the one person he could trust.

He wanted to believe his father wouldn't do that to her. But he had to have.

He was so heartbroken seeing her in that door way. The look in her eyes has haunted him for years. He couldn't sleep...hell he still can't. He saw the desperation, the cry for help that he denied to please his father.

Now she and her mother are dead, and his father is dead. So who was the real winner? Gianni cried for weeks for her death more so than his father's death.

He was tempted to ask Madden about her grave site but knew better than to be an idiot with a death wish. Madden killed half of the famiglia by himself.

Gianni will never understand why he spared him that night. He felt him hovering over him with the gun pointed at him. But cursed and walked away. Gianni was so prepared to die, Madden leaving caught him off guard.

"Gianni?" Cat's voice whispered. Gianni clenched his jaw but turned around. "Sí Catelina?"

She slid out of the bed revealing her naked body. "Come back to bed my love."

She slid her arms around his bare torso. "Ho bisogno di te accanto a me." She mumbled against his neck.

(I need you next to me to sleep)

Gianni smirked pulling her on his lap. She giggled wrapping her arms around him. She moaned as he rubbed her breasts. "Gianni I want a baby." Cat straddled him.

Gianni sighed. "When we are married." Cat pouted. She grinded against him sensually with a teasing smile on her face. "Non si desidera terminare all'interno di me?"

(Don't you want to finish inside of me?)

Gianni rolled his eyes. "No Cat I said what I said and I stand by it."

She heavily sighed before getting off of him. "Gianni do you love me?" She asked. "I don't love myself, how could I ever love you Catelina." He answered honestly.

Still the same answer! Catelina was so frustrated with him. They've been together for 3 years. One full year as his fiancé and he still has never said he loved her.

'I can change him! I'll be the one to do it.'

She was determined to be the woman every female wanted to be. The one that changed the bad man.

She didn't know what the hell more he could want from her to change!

"Gianni one day you'll have to open up to me." She rubbed his shoulders.

Gianni just chuckled kissing her legs. Who was she kidding. Gianni was confused as to why she didn't just give up yet. He was in this for an heir and Donna and if she left he would definitely not put up a fight.

"That day isn't anytime soon bella." He mumbled against her leg. She huffed and pulled him to his feet so they could walk back to bed.

"You're going to love me one day Gianni I know it. I'm yours forever." She kissed his abs lightly. Gianni had to respect her persistence. But he didn't think he was capable of the picket fence love a beautiful girl like her needed.

"You're a remarkable woman Cat." He kissed her neck pulling her body against his. Catelina blushed. The longer they were together the more touchy he got and he even asked her about her day.

She smiled thinking about all the big possibilities for the future. Mean while Gianni frowned at her expectations of the future.

She was bound to be disappointed. He thought she was different because she didn't expect love at first. She just wanted to be there, but now she's attached. He knew he shouldn't have f*cked her but he's a man and she was offering.

Sex meant nothing to him. He never got the chance to lose his virginity. It was taken from him. Gianni never saw sex as scared. He saw it as a torture before and now just a filler to a void in him...there was no value.

Once he was old enough he slept with multiple women in attempt to heal the scars of his past. It felt good at the moment but after it was done it felt like nothing happened.

Every now and then he would feel shame after the act. He didn't know what he was missing but it made it less satisfying.

He listened to her heart beat slow and breaths steady as Cat drifted to sleep after prolonged silence between the two of them. Gianni knew tonight would just be another sleepless night.

He wished he could love Catelina. Maybe with time he could. But right now it seemed d*mn near impossible.