I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 9

The morning after Cammie's twenty-first birthday, she woke to faded image of a brunette with soft, rounded features. The dream girl had drifted through her unconscious mind, free to travel where it desired without the restrain of Cammie's conscious will. This dream was vivid, showing what would be a future with this girl if Cammie allowed the Dream come to fruition.

At the realization of where her mind wandered in her sleep, Cammie's stomach stomach knotted itself in a series of complex tangles that seemed that send naeusous waves through her stomach and simultaneously pulled on her heart strings, setting it off in eradict thumps. Cammie barely made it to the bathroom before her anxiety pushed everything out her stomach.

As she lay clutching the sides of the toilet, wanting more than anything to go back to bed and sleep off the hangover and the anxiety, she knew that the girl would be waiting as soon as she fell asleep.

Cammie cursed, thinking that she had conquered this demon the day before. She had spent an entire day convincing herself that everything would be alright, that she could choose Adam. Everything that had happened during that day proved to Cammie that she would be able to pull off this stunt, hadn't it? So why had everything seemed like it reset in the morning?

The splitting headache that hammered between Cammie's temples was enough to make her set aside her thoughts and coax her back into her room. Though she did not want to fall asleep, for fear of encountering the girl, she did not know what else to do. To face the day seemed impossible, but to sleep seemed unbearable.

Frustered, Cammie reached for her laptop and turned on her favorite TV show, hoping to numb her mind and find solace. Eventually, between her headache and tired eyes, she founde herself drifting off to sleep. She closed her eyes, hoping she would not see the brunette again.

*

The next three weeks went by much like the first day had. Cammie felt like she was living in a dream herself. She began each day in a panic after having found herself dreaming of her supposed Soulmate. She would compensate for her unconscious betrayal by spending every moment with Adam. The closer she was to Adam physically and the more time they spent together, however, made her feel more and more horrible inside, as if the very fabric of her being was being torn apart, beginning with her heart. The dream girl seemed to pursue her at every corner and no matter what Cammie tried, she couldn't rid herself of the face that hid just behind her eyelids.

Adam chalked up Cammie's sudden interest in being together all of the time to the certainty of the Dream. He was living in a dream himself. Cammie had never been particularly enthusiastic at physical touch, and though Adam considered their sex life to be healthy, Cammie had never wanted to make love as often as Adam had. Yet, in the last weeks, Cammie seemed to be matching every one of Adam's desires. He found Cammie always grabbing onto him, touching him in some way. The best part of Adam's life since the Dream was that Cammie wanted to have sex as often as possible. If he hadn't been convinced that Cammie was his Soulmate before the Dream, he was certaintly convinced by her actions.

Eventually the days of the winter break dwindled down and the reality that everyone would return to school became a certainty. By the end of the break, Cammie finally realized how utterly exhausted she had become. She was gratful that she would finally be away from her family and Adam, finally able to let her guard down and breathe without the fear of discovery. Now she would finally have some much needed time and space to think without feeling so much pressure to perform. Savannah would be even less of a problem once the girls were back in their shared apartment in LA and they both resumed their busy song and dance of school and study.

Savannah had only been at home a few times over the break because her family traveled over the holidays. Cammie had made sure that when they saw each other, there were as many people around as possible. She coordinated seeing old friends from high school, hiking, and other activities that did not allow the two girls to be alone in a space where they could talk. Savannah could read Cammie like a book, but Cammie also knew that once the term started, she would be able to hide from Savannah's all-knowing eye behind her books.

When it was finally time to leave Cammie's childhood neighborhood, Elizabeth had pulled both of her daughter's into a hug and instructed them, as she always did, to make the Driver name proud. As soon as Cammie pulled the car out of the driveway, it was as if a stress that Cammie had not been aware of was pulled from her shoulders; she seemed to be free of all the stresses of the house, especially her mother, who was a constant pressure upon Cammie, whether each of them realized it or not. Elizabeth had always scrutinized her girls under a microscope. Nevermind that both Cammie and Jess were away at college, Elizabeth never missed a chance to investigate and ensure that her children were achieving their (which was translated as "the family's") best. No matter where her children were or what they were doing, Elizabeth could not allow any negativitiy to plague the family.

Cammie expelled a heavy sigh as soon as the car had exited the neighborhood.

"Why does she always have to say that to us?" Jess asked.

"She just wants whats best for us."