I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 20

The apartment was vacant. All signs that Jen had stayed the night had been erased and there were no signs of Savannah anywhere. Cammie walked into her room, threw her bag on the desk, and collpased onto her bed, her head throbbing and spinning from the days of studying.

But there was also a light fluttering in her stomach. She bit her lip and glanced at her phone for the first time since Virgo had handed it back to her. She quickly typed her name into the search bar of her contacts.

There it was. The name that she had been dreading since her Dream was now registered in her phone and it was sending butterflies through her stomach, a sensation she hadn't felt in quite a while.

Virgo Payette.

Cammie continued to stare at the name, her fingers frozen in place. She had not given Virgo her number, as Virgo suggested that Cammie text her for the details of the open mic night, meaning that Virgo had given Cammie all of the power, all of the control.

Cammie chewed at the inside of her lips, her heart suddenly increasing its pace.

I'm nervous, Cammie realized with a sudden flourish of embarassment. If she could have seen herself, she would have watched as a small red tint colored her cheeks.

Should I text her now? What do I say? Should I just send her my name so that she has my number or should I ask for details? Should I wait a few days? I don't want to seem desperate . . . Desperate? You would only seem desperate if you were trying to get with this girl, which you're not. This is just friendship. Friendships can't seem desperate, can they?

Cammie squeezed her eyes shut as the diludge of questions intensified the steady thumping in her already pounding head. She put her phone aside and opened her eyes, trying to clear her mind by focusing on the shapes that bubbled up from the paint and molding on the ceiling. Clumps of shape began swirling and twisting under her watchful gaze: blobs became dancers, bears, a couple on a bike, dinosaurs, and mermaids. A smile crept upon Cammie's lips. Her imagination had not run wild like this since she was a child.

Her grin grew wider and her body began to feel relaxed as the aches melted away and all that remained was a fresh perspective.

In a sudden surge of inspiration, Cammie pushed herself from her bed and dove deep into her closet, dragging out a tattered notebook and a shoe box marked with paint splatters. Cammie carefully removed her school supplies from her desk, opened her notebook to a new page, and selected a pencil to being a light sketch of her vision. The minutes turned to hours, and soon her canvas was covered in paints, bright and colorful.

Cammie looked at the moutain scene she had painted: the open sky made her think of the endless potential of each day, while the calming relfection of the trees on the water grounded her in serenity. She always loved painting nature, just as much as she loved being in it. She hardly had the time to venture out of the city and into the Angeles National Forest these days, though she was sure it would do her some good. For now, painting would have to do; it was a cathartic experience, allowing her to pour herself and everything pent up out onto the page through the colors of the brush and release her from the grips of whatever choking feeling had been hovering over her.

The apartment door opened and Savannah walked in.

"Hey, Cam. You home?" she called.

"Yeah, I'm in my room."

Savannah appeared a moment later.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Savannah noticed the painting. "Wow, I haven't seen you paint since we started college."

Cammie offered a smile. "Yeah, I was feeling a little inspired."

"It's amazing! I love it." Savannah leaned over Cammie and carefully removed the painting from the notebook, grabbed from tape from the desk and marched into the living room and attached it to the wall. "Perfect."

Cammie laughed. "You're like a proud mom." Not my mom, Cammie thought, who had squashed her art dreams before they had even began.

"Of course, I'm always proud of you, my talented little artist."

Cammie rolled her eyes.

"So how was your day? It must've been good to get you painting." Savannah collapsed onto the couch, still in her waitressing uniform from the day's work.

A blush covered Cammie's face as she considered how she spent her day; her thoughts were filled with Virgo. As she stood across from Savannah, glancing at the painting, she suddenly realized that the inspiration and will to be creative was only possible because of Virgo. Her face grew brighter.

"Um, it was okay. I just studied all morning."

"Are you blushing?"

"No!" Cammie turned around walked into the kitchen to hide her face. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Yes, you are. And you're a horrible liar. What happened today? Where'd you go? You were gone when I woke up."

"Nothing happened," Cammie began, reaching into the fridge and pretending to be rummaging for a drink to hide her face. "It was the usual. Woke up, went to coffee and studied."

"Mhm and what else?"

Cammie thought for a moment. "My mom called. She was making sure that I'm coming home over Spring Break for my dad's work thing."

"That lame party that he has every year?"

"That would be the one."

"I still don't understand why you have to go to that. It's your family's firm. You don't need to network."

"Tell that to my mom."

"And you're still going to go?"

"Of course I am," Cammie said, turning to face Savannah now that the conversation had shifted.

Savannah shook her head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, you have something to say, so say it."

"Nothing, Cam. Forget it."

"You can just say it."

"I just think that you don't always have to do what your parents want."

"It's not that easy, Savannah."

"Yeah, that's what you always say."