I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 27

How many nights had Cammie been scared to fall asleep? How many nights had she been fearful of her dreams? How many nights had this French girl haunted her?

And now?

Now, the girl's delicate shape filled the space next to her in bed, their bodies tangled in the sheets. A few inches separated them, Virgo's slight frame rising and falling with her steady breathing. This was real; this was reality. Before Cammie's very eyes, the Dream Girl had climbed right out of her head and into reality.

How many nights had apprehension consumed her, fearing this exact instance?

The two of them lay still, a welcomed silence falling over them. They stared at one another, their eyes fighting against the darkness to make out the other. Virgo's brown eyes glowed in the darkness, alight with affection. The way Virgo was able to convey so much meaing with a single look melted Cammie's heart; how was it possible to look at someone and tell them everything? Convey exactly how their heart beat? Cammie wondered what story her eyes told.

Across the darkness, Cammie reached out her hand and gingerly ran her fingers along the designs curling on Virgo's forearm, tracing the circular shapes curving into a compass crowded out by flora. Her fingers trailed up and down Virgo's arm, feeling the soft skin.

"I can't sleep," Cammie whispered.

"No?"

"No."

The moon light mixed with the artifical palid lights illuminating the skyline of Los Angeles and drenched Virgo in a yellow light. Cammie felt like she could stop time, enraptured with this moment. She traced the curves of her Soulmate's body, outlined in the sheets, an intense desire erupting within her.

"We can keep talking," Virgo suggested.

"What should we talk about?"

"I have a question that's been on my mind all day."

A nervous spasm moved through Cammie's stomach while her mind immediately began reeling with all of the possibilities potentional questions, issues.

"Sure, what's up?" she asked much more calmy than she felt. Though it was a mere nanoseconds between the start of Virgo's next sentence, Cammie felt her heart railing against her ribs, trying to escape whatever danger lie ahead.

"What changed today?"

Cammie's eyebrows scrunched together. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you suddenly okay with being with me? Before today you were adamant that you weren't ready."

The nervousness that bundled itself in Cammie's stomach was immediately replaced with shame.

"Truthfully, I developed feelings for you a while ago." The surprise was evident on Virgo's face, despite the dim lighting pouring in from the city. "Savannah and my sister kept pushing me to tell you how I felt, that I liked you, that I thought you were beautiful. But I was too scared of how everything would change when I told you."

"So, what? You're not scared anymore?"

Cammie shook her head.

"Oh no, I'm still terrified. But I realized today, when you were walking away, that I cared about you more than I was scared for the future." Cammie chewed on the side of her cheek for a moment and then propped herself up on her elbow. "I have no idea what the future will hold. I have no idea if I'm going to be confident walking down the street holding your hand. I have no idea how my parents will react when I tell them. I have no idea what it means to even be gay. But I know that you're worth more to me than the unknown. I know I've let my parents and my perfection control me. But I think for the first time I've finally seen that everything I've known is wrong and like, everything I've thought isn't the only way, you know? I thought I had to be this perfect person and do everything right the first time: school, dating, a job. I think I finally realized that's not true. And also I think I can finally admit that I was miserable."

Virgo gave a thoughtful pause, churning the revelation in her head as she preparred her next thought.

"You barely know me, Cammie. Am I really worth throwing everything away?"

"I'm not throwing anything away." Cammie reached out and clutched Virgo's hand. "Everything I'm supposedly throwing away doesn't matter to me anymore."

"But that's your future; that's everything you've been working toward."

"It's my parents' future. It's everything my parents have been working toward." Virgo remained thoughtfully silent, mulling over everything Cammie said. "I know that we have only known each other for a few months, but we're Soulmates, aren't we? Doesn't that mean everything is supposed to work out?" Cammie persisted.

"I hope so," Virgo said, unconvinced.

"What do you mean? Why are you suddenly getting cold feet?"

"Because, Cammie. I don't want you to choose me over your family. I don't want you to change your life or risk everything for me. I'm just one person, I'm not worth everything. I never wanted that for you."

"But I'm not, Virgo. I'm making this decision for myself. Even you've said I let my parents control me. Making my own decisions in life isn't choosing you over them. It's me choosing me over them, over everyone else."

Virgo still seemed uncertain.

"It's about living a life that I'm proud of," Cammie said, quoting Virgo.

"You're sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything."

"I just want what's best for you."

"Oh stop with that sappy bullshit," Cammie laughed. "I'm not stupid. I'm not going to have my life revolve around you. I'm my own person and I will make decisions apart from you."

Virgo nodded in agreement. "I only want to make sure that you're making this decision, these choices, for you and not for us. Of course I want a relationship with you, but I don't want it at the cost of anything else for you. I never want this relationship to be the most important thing."

"Virgo, I happen to know that you're my Soulmate. I also happen to know that since meeting you, I've grown so much as a person. I've been able to make decisions and do things that I never would have been able to do had you not pushed and challenged me. So I don't want you thinking that you're holding me back or that I'm risking everything for you, because that's not the case."

"As long as you're sure Cammie."

"Like you said, we've only known each other for a few months, but I'm willing to risk everything for you right now. I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now, in this moment, I'm with you."

"That's all we can give."

The girls smiled at each other, Virgo now feeling much more at ease. She had begun to fear that Cammie's decision to kiss her and invite her home had been a fluke, an impulse. Virgo welcomed the contentedness that washed over her.

"What?" Cammie asked after a moment of silence in which Virgo admired her. The urge to reach across the bed and embrace Cammie, kiss her, became overwhelming.

"You can keep touching my tattoo," Virgo joked instead of voicing her desires. Despite Cammie's admission that she wanted this, that Cammie had made the first move, Virgo hesistated when she thought about creating any sort of initiative; she still wanted Cammie to have control over the situtation. Cammie was, after all, the uncertain one.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did that bother you?" Cammie asked, suddenly concerned, pulling her hand back.

Virgo burst out in laughter. "No, it felt nice. See?" Virgo imitated the same motion of running light fingers up and down Cammie's forearm. Cammie sighed contentedly. "Although, it feels better on the tattoos."

"Really?"

"No," Virgo laughed. "You're so . . . what's the word? Gullible, I think."

Cammie burst into laughter, unaccustomed to Virgo teasing her.

"Well, I don't know! It could be true."

"I think that if I touched you there," Virgo said, reaching over to Cammie's side. "You would laugh." Virgo proceeded to bombarde Cammie in an assult consisting of tickles.

Laughter consumed Cammie. She squirmed, attempting to push Virgo off or hold back her arms. Both girls were laughing as Virgo continued to tickle Cammie, pressing her full weight onto Cammie, preventing any escape. Cammie bucked until Virgo was dislodged and Cammie was able to roll on top of her, pinning both arms up above her head. They were both breathless with laughter.

"What are you going to do now?" Cammie asked challengingly, heaving deep gulps of air.

"Rien parce que je suis content de cette situation."

Cammie shook her head. "Not going to say it in English, huh?"

Virgo smirked.

"Hmm are you ticklish, Payet?" Cammie asked.

"Pas de tout."

"I think that you said no." Virgo raised her eyebrow in affirmation. "And I think that you're a liar."

The attack was swift, Cammie's fingers prickling Virgo's sides. For a moment, Virgo was like a warrior enduring torture, silently, nobly. Unable to withstand the assault for more than a few seconds, Virgo laughed uncontrollably and tried to push Cammie off, squirming, trying to free herself. Cammie continued her onslaught, laughing maniacally.

Before either of them realized it, Cammie had pushed Virgo shirt's up higher and higher as they both fought for control of the situation, Cammie digging her fingers into Virgo's sides. Virgo's Van Gogh tattoo crept into sight. Cammie stopped just long enough to admire the piece yet again, enthralled by the brilliant art. Distraction soon overcame her as she noticed more pieces staining Virgo's torso. Cammie's hands slowed and soon the laughing faded away as Cammie found herself running her hands over the ink.

Virgo shivered, heart racing. Cammie, oblivious to the effect her touch had on Virgo, trailed her fingers over the skin, bumping along the ridges of her ribs. Breathing, what was once an easy, automatic task became extremely difficult for Virgo as her breaths came in shallow, silent gasps.

Mesmorized, Cammie suddenly came back to reality and glanced up at Virgo. Immediately coloring with a combination of embarrassment and timidity, Cammie pushed herself off Virgo and mumbled an apology.

"What's wrong?" Virgo asked, not bothering to fix her shirt. Cammie thought a moment, searching for a good answer, grateful for the darkness to shroud her disress. "Cammie, what's wrong?"

"I just feel really . . . I don't know, nervous around you?"

Virgo sighed with relief. "I think that's normal."

"Do you feel nervous around me?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Because," Virgo searched for the words. "You are so beautiful and you are one of the most important people to me. Being with you, I want everything to be perfect. And, you know there are always those feelings when you're with someone new; it's a mix of excitment, of the unknown. It's wanting to please the other person."

Cammie digested this, the information spinning in her head. The only experience she had to compare this to was her relationship with Adam. The things Virgo described were true: it was exciting, new, but Cammie never felt these nerves, this constant bashfulness, this uncertainty around him. With Virgo, she felt like she was a small boat thrown into uncharter waters with no sense of direction and a storm brewing, the waves growing larger and larger, the situtation becoming unnavigatable.

"Have you. . . Been with a lot of girls?" Cammie asked, hesitantly. This question sprang out of the blue tonight and she hadn't been able to dislodge it.

"I have had a few girlfriends when I was younger."

Cammie gnawed on the inside of her cheek.

"Have you. . . slept with many girls?" Cammie paused a moment. Was this rude to ask? Why did she need to know? Why did it matter?

There was a thoughtful moment of silence.

"Yes."

The apprehension that was bubbling in Cammie's heart spiked. Of course Virgo had been with many girls—all one had to do was look at her to realize she could probably get whoever she wanted; she was absolutely stunning! Not to mention her accent. Why did this surprise her?

"Does that bother you?" Virgo asked, who suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious and guilty. She thought back to her escapades only a few months prior when Cammie rejected her. Would this revelation push Cammie away?

"Not at all." Cammie swallowed down her nerves. Virgo breathed a sigh of relief. "It just intimidates me a little."

Virgo rolled over into her side and propped her head up on her hand. "Why do you feel this way?"

"I've just . . . I've only ever been with one person and it was a guy." The implication was clear.

"You don't need to worry about this. It's not about how many people you have been with. It doesn't matter."

Cammie didn't appear very assured.

"Those other girls mean nothing to me. You're the only person I care about."

"I'm worried I won't know what to do."

"I'll show you." Virgo reached out her hand and trailed her fingers over Cammie's bare arm. Goosebumps rose at the contact and she shivered, blushing deeper. "When the time is right."

Cammie's heart was pounding in her chest, her body suddenly on fire with an unquenchable desire. She swallowed down the feeling, suddenly very aware of just how close Virgo was laying and the fingers on her arm.

"And only when you're ready," Virgo confirmed.

For a brief moment, Cammie felt ready at this very moment, wanting nothing more than to be consumed by this girl, to forget the world and drink her in. Inhaling a shakey breath, Cammie pushed the thought away. Though she was undeniably attracted to Virgo, she didn't want to rush into sex. Maybe it was dumb—they were Soulmates after all—but she wanted to take things slow; Virgo meant too much to spring headlong into anything.

"Have you ever been with a man?" Cammie asked, her curiosity suddenly piquing.

"No. I knew I liked women very young and I didn't have any desires to be with a man. And for you? When did you realize you were attracted to women?"

"I guess I've always kind of been but I didn't realize it. Well, not until you at least."

Virgo grinned as if she had won a prize.

"So you have never kissed a girl before today?" Cammie's failure to respond sent Virgo in a fit of excitment. "What? You've kissed another girl? What happened? I need details!"

Cammie chuckled at Virgo's excitment. "Well two, actually."

"Two?!"

Cammie provided Virgo with the details of her kiss with Savannah after her Dream (just to see if she really was attracted to girls, she confirmed). Virgo smirked at the explanation of the first kiss, her expressioning giving Cammie a sarcastic "sure". Then, Cammie she told her about the experience with Jen at the bar.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What do you think? Of kissing girls?"

"Well you're in my bed, so I guess that means I liked it?"

"More than kissing men?"

"Well I've only kissed one boy and it didn't even compare."

"And how did kissing me compare to kissing everyone else?"

"Oh they were obviously much better," Cammie joked.

"Oh I see," Virgo laughed. "Well maybe you should go make out with Savannah."

"Savannah and I didn't make out."

"Neither have we," Virgo remarked.

"Are you jealous?"

"Of Jen? Yes."

Cammie guffawed at Virgo's boldness, who merely stared back with a wide grin, unashamed of her own desire for Cammie. The French girl didn't break her gaze, staring at Cammie, her affections obvious. As the laughter died away, Cammie read the expression through the dim lighting as if Virgo had scrawled it across the walls: desire. Desire for her. Virgo's entire body was alight with it.

They were magnets, drawn to toward each other. Cammie felt Virgo's body humming, hungering for Cammie's touch. In this moment of intimacy, Cammie understood the addiction, the yearing Virgo harbored. With Adam, he had wanted her, but didn't need her, didn't have every cell in his body screaming for a simple touch, a smile. Virgo craved Cammie like the need for water or air. The puzzle was finally put together and Cammie comprehend, maybe for the first time, that Virgo's desire transcended beyond a physical intimacy, more than just sex. Virgo wanted all of Cammie, wanted this connection with her that only they could understand, something that was almost spiritual. Finally, Cammie understood.

It happened in slow motion: Cammie reached across the space between them, breaching the distance and pulled herself on top of Virgo, crushing the distance. Cammie pressed her lips to Virgo's, much like the first time they kissed, but with much more force. The boldness surprised even herself because suddenly she was burning with that untamable desire that Virgo felt. It was like a fire burning between them.

Cammie knotted her fingers through Virgo's thick hair, pulling her in closer, an attempt to crush any space between them. Virgo responded in kind, molding her body to fit the curves of Cammie's.

At first Virgo was gentle, hesitant, allowing Cammie to lead. It soon became apparent, however, that Cammie's neediness was explosive, her desire chipping away at the restraint Virgo chained herself down with. The tip of Cammie's tongue explored the edges of Virgo's lips. One moment Virgo was completely in control, the master of her own body and will; but the next moment, the moment Cammie's tongue slipped into Virgo's, she lost all of the focus and concentration put into controlling herself.

Cammie slid her hands to the back of Virgo's neck and lower back, hands gingerly creeping under her shirt once again. Cammie's touch felt like a fire being lit on her skin, her back arching into the hand. The lightness of Cammie's fingers transformed into an anchor, holding her in place while Cammie's tongue broke the barrier between their lips. Virgo allowed Cammie to lead, control, until she felt Cammie's tongue slipping into her own mouth. Virgo sighed into Cammie's lips and took over. She flipped Cammie over, now on top and ran her hands up and down Cammie's sides, feeling the curves of her body. The kiss became more passionate, conveying to Cammie just how much she craved this moment, this touch.

When they broke apart, they were breathless, gasping for air. Virgo brushed loose strands of hair from Cammie's face, searching her blue eyes.

"Are they still better than me?" Virgo joked.

"No one has ever kissed me like that."

Virgo leaned down and planted a soft kiss against Cammie's lips.

"Good."

Cammie's hands lingered on Virgo's hips, her fingers brushing against the exposed skin. Feeling bold, Cammie allowed her hands to slowly move up Virgo's sides, resting on her tattoos once again. Although Cammie wasn't sure exactly what she wanted, what she was asking, she knew she wanted to be closer, impossibly closer.

Virgo searched Cammie's, eye a question in them. Virgo nodded her head and Cammie found herself pulling off Virgo's shirt.

The body before her was flawless; it could have been an artist's muse, a woman that they lost sleep over, fretted, drawing and erasing lines, furious that they would not caputre her perfection. Every curve of both her body and her tattoos melted together perfectly into a work of art.

Cammie inhaled a shaking breath.

"You're stunning," Cammie breathed.

A shy smile crossed Virgo's lips.

Cammie's hands floated back up to rest on Virgo's hips. Light as a feather, Cammie ran her fingers up and down Virgo's side, sending chills up Virgo's spine. Her skin was the softest that Cammie had ever felt. The girls shared a moment where the only language spoken was through an exchange of looks in which Cammie felt all of Virgo's love pour out and Virgo witnessed that same love mirrored, even if Cammie wasn't ready to say so.

Virgo lowered herself down next to her Soulmate. Cammie rolled over to put her hands on Virgo's chest. The warmth radiating from her exposed skin lulled Cammie into serenity.

"Avec toi, le vie est belle."

Cammie blushed, knowing the words were beautiful somehow, even if she didn't understand. She stole a glance at Virgo, looked at her lying there, exposed, beautiful and decided that she wanted to be closer to this girl. In a fluid motion, Cammie peeled off her own shirt and tossed it off the bed. Quickly, she lowered herself down, head resting on Virgo. The contact of their skin immedaitely calmed Cammie, a tenderness evolving from the touch. Virgo's fingers moved to Cammie's head to play with her hair, running her fingers through the blonde girls. Cammie's hands rested on Virgo's chest once again, her cheek pressed against her warm skin.

Tonight, nothing else mattered. Tonight, it was only them. Tonight, they were grew closer, closer than either would have ever imagined.

"Je t'aimerai jusqu'à mon dernier soupir."

Although Cammie had no idea what she said, she knew she felt the same way.

"Me too."

***

Thank you all so much for reading! You know I appreciate each and everyone one of you out there :) It always makes my day to read your comments and to know that you're excited for the next chapter. It seems like this story really blew up the last few days. I have no idea what happened, but thank you to all the new people reading this story! 

I also wrote this chapter to the album Culte by Eddy de Pretto (especially the song Grave), if you're interested. I've mentioned this before, but I have a full playlist for this song created on Spotify. There will be a link on my profile :)

I can also post the playlist to my profile if you don't have Spotify :) Just let me know!

Thanks again everyone!!