I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 11

Shea unlocked the door to the apartment, juggling a bag of groceries. His hand paused at the keyhole when he noticed the music permeating the door. He immediately recognized the muffled sound of French lyrics permeating the door. Although Shea could not understand the words in the foreign language, he had heard the song before and immediately realized there was a crisis brewing inside the apartment.

"Oh no."

Shea turned the key and stepped into the apartment. Inside he found Virgo on the couch, draining a glass of wine, her head tilted back, and his fiance grabbing for the almost empty bottle.

"What's wrong?" Shea asked, crossing the apartment and dropping his bag of groceries on the counter. He pulled a wine glass down from the cup board and produced another bottle of red wine from the grocery bag, walking back to the couch to join the others.

Virgo turned down the volume on the speaker. This particular playlist Virgo had created was saved for the rare moments when her anger was overwhelming. These moments had been few and far between throughout her life, as she was not someone prone to anger. Since the creation of the playlist when she was fifteen and her first love (or what she thought was love at fifteen) broke her heart, she felt confident that she could count the number of times she had had to blast this playlist on her fingers.

"It's good news and bad news," Levi informed Shea.

"Well what's the good news?" Shea uncorked the wine bottle and poured himself a glass. Virgo stuck out her now empty glass and he complied.

"I think I met my Soulmate today," Virgo said.

Shea almost choked on his drink.

"Why aren't we celebrating?"

Virgo had had her Dream nearly three years ago and had yet to meet her Soulmate. Shea was one of the lucky ones and met Levi relatively quickly. Virgo lived with them both and he knew that even though he considered Virgo one of his closest friends, living with an engaged couple made every day that went by that Virgo hadn't met her Soulmate that much harder.

Levi placed a consoling hand on Virgo's shoulder. "There was a bit of a," he paused, searching for the right words to describe the situation. "complication."

"Which was?"

"She ran away from me!" Virgo cried.

"What do you mean 'she ran away'?"

Virgo described the situation to Shea with anguish. His brow furrowed in thought.

"Why would she run away? Wouldn't she be excited to see me?" Virgo asked in distress, draining her glass once more. She made a grab for the wine bottle, but Levi plucked it from her reach.

"Maybe you should slow down."

"Je m'en fou," Virgo muttered under her breath, ready to start her fourth glass of wine—anything to make her forget about this awful day. This was supposed to be the second most exciting day of her life. After years of searching every blonde girl's face, she finally found the one she was supposed to be with.

And she had run away.

Her heart ached. This girl was so much more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. Her soft blue eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue she ever beheld. The girl's voice was musical, a sound Virgo wanted to hear more than the most beautiful composition. Virgo was sure that if she had tried to capture that sound in a song, she would be unable to capture the beauty.

Virgo's heart felt as though it was being smothered in the grasp of some cruel fate, making it hard to breathe, to focus, to live.

"Maybe she hasn't accepted her sexuality?" Shea wondered aloud. "It would explain why she seemed so upset when she saw you."

"But she saw me." Virgo protested. "Isn't that enough confirmation of your sexuality?"

Levi shrugged. "I didn't really accept that I was gay until I was twenty-one and I got to know Shea."

"But you didn't run from him," Virgo countered.

Levi smiled sheepishly.

"But Virgo," Shea cut in. "Imagine that you had been dating boys your entire life and believed with all of your heart that you were going to see a boy in your Dream—she might even be dating a guy right now—and you wake up only to realize you Dreamed of a woman. How would you feel?"

Virgo frowned, opening her mouth to argue, but Shea cut her off. "Remember how you felt when you first realized you liked girls?"

This gave Virgo pause and she took a moment to reflect. In fact, all three of them rummaged through their past memories. Virgo remembered hers perfectly: she was in high school and had kissed a girl at a party. When their lips met, she knew that this wasn't an impulse decision, but something she desired and craved like a forbidden fruit.

She also remembered how scared she was to tell anyone.

What did her Soulmate fear? Was she fearful her parents would reject her? Her friends? How people would look at them holding hands walking down the street?

Virgo sighed, but declined to admit to Shea he was making some sense of this situation.

"But I'm her Soulmate. And that should change things. I've been waiting for three fucking years for her only to have this happen. I haven't so much as looked at another girl since I had my Dream. And now she's here and she doesn't want me."

"It's not that she doesn't want you. She's just not ready." Levi said.

Virgo dropped her head into her hands and exhaled sharply, as if pushing all of the bad thoughts and raw emotions from her body. "I've waited so long."

"Is she worth it?" Shea asked, gently.

If Shea had asked Virgo this a few hours ago, she would have swiftly told him that she was worth it. Virgo would have told Shea she would have waited for her for a hundred years if it meant having only one day with her Soulmate. But now that she thought about this question and considered how much time she had spent waiting for this girl, how her heart ached for her, how many miles she traveled in pursuit of her Soulmate, Virgo found that was not completly sure of the answer. She felt that she had sacrificed so much for this dream girl, only to be rejected.

The anger that had been drown out by the wine began to bubble to the surface again. Virgo felt unwanted, discareded like a piece of trash. Who was this girl to decide that she did not want Virgo? It wasn't as if Virgo had any say in this; she couldn't help that this girl—who didn't want her—was her Soulmate. And if this girl didn't want her, shouldn't Virgo feel the same?

"I don't know anymore," Virgo said, filing her glass

Shea and Levi exchanged concerned looks.

"You don't think your Soulmate is worth waiting for?" Shea asked.

Virgo shot Shea a pointed glare. "Not worth waiting for? I have waited for three years for this girl."

"Can't you wait a little longer?" Levi cut in.

Virgo rolled her eyes, completely unsatisfied with this entire conversation, this entire situation. Virgo had already done her waiting; three years of it, in fact. She had waited long enough. And to be rejected by some girl dipping her toes in the pool of sexuality for the first time? Anger and frusteration bundled in Virgo's stomach like coarse ropes being pulled tighter and tighter. She knew life wasn't fair, her mother had repeated this maxim to her many times. She also knew that this wasn't fair, especially since she had waited for so long.

"Putain," Virgo cursed, feeling no closer to a solution.

*

Since the day that Virgo had met her Soulmate, she went into work hoping to see that beautiful blonde girl come through the doors and apologize for her foolish behavior. But the days slipped by and the elusive girl had yet to return. Virgo was growing increasingly depressed by the day, at a complete for what to do. Before her Dream, Virgo had found herself keeping the company of many different women. In college, she went out at every opporotunity. She played her guitar often and would attract any who could hear. Girls flocked to her constantly and Virgo had gladly accepted them. But after Virgo Dreamed of Cammie, she vowed to never kiss another until it was the lips of her Soulmate.

Virgo had started her journey looking for her Soulmate in her home country of France, but had become restless and decided to move her search, and her life, elsewhere. This is how Virgo found herself on the West Coast of the United States, enrolled in graduate school and working as a barista, hoping to catch a glimpse of her Soulmate. Now, she had and she was no closer to her than three years before when she saw Cammie in a Dream.

Virgo's heart was breaking and she was losing hope, slowly being poisoned by resentment and anger.

The buzz of the coffee bar pulled Virgo from the dark thoughts swirling in her head. The soft hum of music filled the room while the espresso machine whirrled and hissed in her ears. She knew that she had not quite been herself since the incident with Cammie and coming into work only reminded her of the devestation she felt only last week. But she resolved to oour herself into her work and push the girl from her mind as much as possible.

A few new customers walked in and Virgo grabbed a few supplies, preparing herself to make drinks. As she worked, her ears suddenly perked up at a customer question.

"Hi, I know this is going to be a really weird question, but about a week ago there was a blonde girl in here and she ran out. Does that sound familiar?"

The cashier shook his head.

Virgo's heart began to race with anticipation.

"I'm going on my break," Virgo said, rushing past the cashier. She walked out from behind the counter and caught up to the girl. "Hi, I overheard you asking about a girl running out of here last week?"

Savannah looked up. "Yeah, were you here?"

"Yes."

"Okay, this is going to sound even weirder, but I'm pretty sure that girl's Soulmate works here. Do you happen to know who was making drinks that day?"

Virgo's heart almost exploded out of her chest.

"I was," she said breathlessly.

Savannah's mouth hung open. "You're her?"

Virgo nodded eagerly.

"I am so sorry about Cammie."

Cammie. The name reverberated through Virgo ears. It was the only piece of information Virgo had about the mysterious girl and to hear it spoken again was enough confirmation to make her heart forgive all past transgressions. She immediately reprimanded herself for forgiving so easily.

"Cammie," Virgo repeated.

"Yeah, uh, she freaked out a little bit."

Virgo laughed bitterly. A slight scowl crossed her face. Savannah grew apprehensive at Virgo's reaction.

"Do you want to sit down so we can talk?" Savannah asked. "If you have time?"

"Yes, I have a bit of time. I'm on break now and I'm off at six."

"Great, let's talk now."

"Do you want a coffee?"

"Please."

The two girls sat down, hands curled around mugs of hot coffee.

"I'm Savannah by the way. Cammie and I grew up together."

Virgo smiled at the girl. She appeared to be a close friend of Cammie's. Virgo wondered if Cammie knew Savannah was here talking with her right now.

"Virgo."

"It's good to finally meet you, Virgo. I always wondered what Cammie's Soulmate would be like."

"Not what you were expecting?" Virgo asked, both curious and bitter. She wondered what Savannah thought of this situation.

"Oh, no. You're much better."

Relief flooded through Virgo. Savannah was not at all what Virgo expected, especially after how Cammie had reacted to the situtation.

"She's crazy for running away from you; you're beautiful," Svannah said.

Virgo laughed off the compliment. "Thank you. But why did she run away?"

"She . . . doesn't know . . . that she's gay," Savannah said slowly. Her eyes searched Virgo's face, trying to gleen what the girl was thinking.

Virgo had to fight the impulse to roll her eyes.

"She doesn't know or . . . ?" Virgo asked slowly, hoping for more clarification.

"Yeah. She's been with this guy for years and she thought she was going to marry. So when she didn't Dream of him or of any man, well, to say she was a bit shocked when she saw you is an understatement."

"So she had a boyfirned?" Virgo asked, wondering how Cammie was dealing with all of this.

"Has," Savannah said meekly.

"She is still with him?" Virgo asked incredulously.

Savannah cleared her throat, a bit uncomfortable that she was the one that had to explain the situation to this poor girl. "Yes. She kind of—well not kind of, she did—lie to him. She thinks that her Dream was a mistake that she's still supposed to be with that guy."

This time Virgo could not contain the urge to roll her eyes at the complete idiocy of this situtation. "There is no mistake in our Dreams. Everyone knows that."

Savannah shurgged. Cammie hadn't agreed.

"I think I'm with Cammie on this one though."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish there were mistakes."

Savannah frowned. "You hope there's a mistake too?"

"Who wants to be stuck with someone who doesn't want them?"

Savannah stayed silent. She did not expect to meet so much resistance from Cammie's Soulmate. She tried to picture herself sitting where Virgo was, talking to Cammie's best friend and having that friend explain in a roundabout matter that Cammie did not want to be with the person she was supposed to be with. She imagined she would frusterated and confused, but Savannah had imagined that Cammie's Soulmate would jump at the opprotunity to pursue Cammie, to fight for her. She definitely did not forsee this turn of events.

"She can stay with her boyfriend. I don't care. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." Virgo said, pushing herself away from the table.

"Well, that's what I came here to talk to you about," Savannah said, hoping that her persuasion skills would coax Virgo into changing her mind. "I know that Cammie isn't good with her boyfriend; I trust the Dream."

Virgo's face remained impassive.

"So," Savannah said, continuing on despite the obstacles in her course. "I'm trying to convince her to break up with him and be with you."

"And how do you propose to do that?"

Savannah sighed. "I haven't figured all of that out yet, but I've been trying to convince her to give you a chance."

Virgo found herself suddenly exhausted. "I finally see my Soulmate after three fucking years and she's not even gay. Great."

Savannah laughed good naturedly. "I'm here to help bring you two together, okay? We'll figure something out."

Virgo glared at the girl, aware that this was not Savannah fault, but because Savannah was the only one available to direct her anger, Virgo pointed it right at the unlucky girl.

"We're not figuring anything out. Cammie can do that. You can help her if you want. I want no part of this."

Savannah was shocked. "What?"

"I am not going to be someone's experiment. I am not going to wait around while Cammie figures out if she likes women, and I am not going to wait for her to figure out if she likes me. I am twenty-five. I have waited for her. And you know what it brought me? Disappointment."

Savannah sat, dumbfounded at Virgo's aggressive response. She opened and closed her mouth, trying in vain to formulate some type of rebuttal to Virgo's anger, but none would form.

"I have to go back to work."

Savannah blinked. This plan had completely backfired. She feared she may have made things much worse.

"Give me a chance to talk to her," Savannah begged, finally pushing herself up from the table and following close on Virgo's heels.

"Have all of the chances you want. But I am not waiting around for someone who doesn't want me."

That, Savannah thought, sounded fair. But she needed to work faster to break up Cammie and Adam. Savannah had known Virgo for all of ten minutes, which was not a long time. But in that small amount of time, she felt like she knew Virgo better than most. She understood clearly that Virgo was no nonesense and kenw exactly what she wanted. Savannah also realized that Virgo would be true to her word and would not waste her time if Cammie did not come around quickly. And that simply could not happen.

"Can I have your number?" Savannah asked, chasing Virgo back to the counter.

Virgo held Savannah's gaze. This was arguably one of the most nerve-wracking moments of her life, which really showed just how little most things bothered her.

"Fine."

Virgo scribbled down her phone number.

"Please, just give her another chance," Savannah said before departing.

"I'll think about it."

Virgo could do nothing else the rest of the day.

***
Thank you for reading!

I apologize for the delay in update. I intitally began writing and updating this story over spring. But now that school is back in session I have much less time than I realized.

If you enjoyed the story, please consider giving it a vote or leaving a comment. Cheers!

PS: If you're curious about the song Virgo was listening to, it's called Salop(e) by Therapie Taxi. If you don't understand French, listen to the song before you translate the lyrics. :)