I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 25

Virgo woke up from another sleepless night. It had been a week since she had seen Cammie and she felt the effects every day she woke up. Each morning, instead of feeling like a new opportunity, felt more like an enduring punishment as she was forced to recall Cammie's absence and the pain it caused. She had a constant ache in her chest and lost interest in most everything, especially music. In the last week, each time she picked up her guitar, the strings wouldn't cooperate, wouldn't hum together in the melodies that once flowed so effortlessly from her fingertips.

The idea of enduring the day already exhausting her. There hadn't been a single night where she could get enough sleep, could rest enough and reset her mind. The entire situation, she realized, was exhausting and frustrating. A main goal in her life had always been to find her Soulmate and live her "Happily Ever After." This was a reasonable goal, she thought. It was perfectly normal to pursue your Soulmate and fall in love. Of course, it wasn't the only goal in her life, but for the last three years it had taken up a hefty portion and she never believed there was anything wrong with that. But now she felt like a fool; now she felt like everything she had done in the last three years was a waste because it had all been in pursuit of her Soulmate, someone who had ultimately rejected her. Sure, she had accomplished many things, like starting a band and moving to the States, but it had all been a consequence of finding her Soulmate. She felt like a stupid girl obsessed with love, only to have it all backfire and thrown in her face. Suddenly, she felt very foolish indeed.

Instead of dwelling on the soul crushing idea that her life these last few years had been a complete and utter waste of time, Virgo reached for her phone like she did every morning.  A text from Cammie illuminated the screen. It was a forgotten text from the night before when Virgo replied to Cammie's initial message and then tossed her phone to the side, too exhausted to hold any type of conversation with the girl. Loving her was too difficult. Cammie was both the only person she wanted to talk to and the last.

What would her mom think? Virgo wondered vaguely. She had been completely supportive of her move to the United States as a temporary change of scenery. Her mother was expecting to her move home after she finished her program and go back to her life in France. Virgo's mother didn't really believe that Virgo's Soulmate would be American. So when Virgo had told her mother all about Cammie, her mother asked what they would do: stay there or move home? Virgo told her she had no idea, especially because Cammie was so resistant to being with Virgo in the first place.

Well, Virgo thought bitterly, at least her mother wouldn't have to worry about her staying in the States after all.

Virgo opened the message from Cammie and scanned the few words she sent. They made her stomach twist up in knots all over again.

Can we talk soon? I know you probably want some space from me because I make your life difficult, but I really want to talk to you. Whenever you're ready.

Virgo took a deep breath. Hadn't Cammie said enough? What could she possible still need to say? But before she could stop herself, think better of it, Virgo found her fingers gliding over the screen.

Yes I can meet you

Is Friday okay? After midterms?

Yes

Okay I'll see you then

Virgo didn't reply. She still wasn't sure she could speak with Cammie yet, it still hurt too much. Instead, Virgo decided to call her mom. It had been a while since they spoke. She quickly did the math in her head to make sure her mother was home from work.

The phone rang a few times before the familiar voice of her mother answered on the other end.

« Hi, Mom. How are you? »