life of Styles | n.s

04

With one thought in his head, Niall grabs the takeout and opens it. It's true, he can write some good songs and has written most in a limited amount of time. But he wants to send in one of the best songs and he doesn't know what to write about.

It is as if all the inspiration has left his head and only thing that remains is his anxiety.

Anxiety to finish up the song.

It is really his only chance to meet Harry, his Harry. As he likes to call him.

With one hand spooning the Thai noodles, he opens his instagram  scrolling randomly through his feed. He admits it has become an addiction of some sorts. And as much as he tries to stay away from it, trying to use only for one or two times a day the thought of knowing Harry's whereabouts drags him to it, more often then not.

Mind you, he is not a stalker, he doesn't want to know every detail about the famous, beautiful and handsome popstar. But watching Harry walk down the streets of London (where he currently is), wearing a long black coat and red - white strip plazos with those damn unique rings, especially the new ones he has added to his collection, the one with letters H and S, has Niall drooling all over his screen.

He scrolls down through the same images from different fanpages liking them as it goes, because it is Harry Styles and you cannot move on forward unless you like his picture that he sees her.

Kendall Jenner, walking right beside Harry. Both of them laughing as they walk into a restaurant, for lunch he supposes.

And he shouldn't feel the little sting in his heart. He really shouldn't, especially not for someone who doesn't even know if he exists. Who is not even into the same gender and is famous celebrity for god sakes! to have this reaction on him.

He doesn't know what it is, thinks maybe he is just crazy to even think like that but whenever he has watched Harry with any of them models, singers or actors, who is linked to, or is in relationship with his mood seemed to have downed.

And it's really not good for him, he admits it.

Some might even say it is down right weird of him. But it is there, the notion that he would never get to see him, that Harry Styles will never be his ever, that makes him exit the page, the app and he puts his mobile face down letting the sad feeling inside him linger for longer than normal.

He silently finishes his dinner, checking the window for the cat who for some reason has not turned up today. Sighing, he quickly walks in his room picking up his guitar and sits down on the chair in the living room strumming his guitar till he gets a tune in his mind.

Strumming to the said tune for about fifteen minutes he is interrupted with a phone call. He gets up, going to the table and smiles widely as he picks up the call.

"Hey Mam. How are you?" he greets his mother getting comfortable in his couch.

"I am wonderful, thank you. Did you had dinner?" his mother's jolly voice makes his mood a slight bit lighter.

"Yes, Mam. Had meself some Thai noodles for tonight" he smiles, shaking his head at his mother's care. This is always her first question whenever she calls, always worrying if he had food or not, worrying he will be on empty stomach, which to Niall she cannot be more far off. Food and Niall have always had a brilliantly close and long relationship.

"Eat some real food Niall. Order some salad next time. I worry about you dear" she cusses over him making him snort, because it's always either meat or salad. Since, it is a common knowledge he can't cook to even save his life, she expects him to atleast be able to make some salad.

"You know how I feel about eating grass" he replies and by  her reply he already knows where the rest of the conversation is headed towards.

"it's not grass-"

"It has veggies, nutrients and all that. I know Mam, I will order it next time okay?" he says, hoping she is sufficed by that, hopes she does.

"What is it with your mood? You don't sound cheerful" she quips, knowing her son very well to know he isn't his usual cheerful self.

With that Niall starts telling her about how he is stuck with this tune in his head but not able to get any words and how it is a big deal to him, as there is a huge possibility that he might meet the love of his life if he played it right. And Maura, Niall's mother listens carefully, not interrupting once, letting her son let out his frustration on the phone only to ask one question.

"Okay, dear when did you get the tune in your head? You must thought of something"

Niall thinks about it and he realizes that he thought about the tune after scrolling through Harry and Kenxall's images. A shiver tans through his spine just at the thought of them. He doesn't tell his mother that ofcourse, he figured it is weird as it is to have these feelings after looking at couple of photos.

He only hums and his mother continues "So, go back to that thought and hold it tight, explore your feelings. Don't think about it too hard son. It will come to you I am sure! And I also think Harry would love it!"
She says after a small pause making Niall chuckle, excitement bubbling inside him at the possibility of Harry reading his song.

With a new decision of letting Harry know his feelings about those bloody photos of his with different women and how jealous they make him feel, he quickly ends the call with his mother after saying his good nights, asking her to wish his father as well before he is jumping around digging for a paper and pen.

He taps it on the sheet of paper as he closes his eyes. And the doubt that does Harry even gets to read and pick the songs from the lot settles in his mind.

He quickly pushes it away and starts strumming his guitar, pausing in between as the words flow through him like a river, passionate and honest

I'm jealous, I'm overzealous
When I'm down, I get real down
When I'm high, I don't come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

***

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Love
Ri x