A Place to Fall: Falling Series 1 (skinny!Steve x Bucky Barnes College AU)

Fifty-Five

Steve was in love.

Steve was in love, in love. Not just in love, but head over heels in love. In too deep, in love. And Steve was fighting every cell in his body not to tell Bucky.

Not that Steve didn't want to tell Bucky. The exact opposite, actually. Steve wanted nothing more than to shower Bucky with his love. The thing was that Steve didn't want to be the first to say it. Steve still worried about coming on too strong and inevitably scaring Bucky off. Which Steve really didn't want to do. Especially not after everything that happened on Thanksgiving.

At times, Steve was sure that Bucky was in love with him too. Like when they were walking back to their dorms and Bucky would wrap his arm around Steve's shoulder, bringing him in close to keep him warm. Or how Bucky always double checked to make sure that Steve had his inhaler. Or the way that Bucky would randomly drop down into the snowbanks to create snow angels just to make Steve laugh.

And that didn't compare to all the times that they held hands. Or all the hugs. Or all the cuddling. So much cuddling. Sam and Clint might've even said too much cuddling.

Not to mention the few times that they had stayed the night with one another. Wrapped up in each other between the sheets. Those endlessly breathless times that only cemented, in Steve's mind, that Bucky felt the same as Steve.

Yet, they hadn't talked about it. They hadn't talked about anything for that matter. Which was infuriatingly frustrating. Steve wanted to know, but he didn't want to bring it up. Steve wanted Bucky to. And Steve hoped that with Christmas coming up, they would finally -- FINALLY -- talk about it.

Steve had even decided that if Christmas rolled around and Bucky still didn't speak up first, that he would. Steve had it all planned out. Well, perhaps not all, but enough. The gist of it, at least. Steve would give Bucky the painting that he had worked on, specifically for Bucky, and then he would tell Bucky how he felt. How he really felt.

It would've all worked out.

Except for the fact that Bucky's family was going to be gone for Christmas. Visiting other family in Maine. Meanwhile, Steve would be spending Christmas with his mom, and they were even going to Arkansas to visit his grandparents.

So, Steve decided to improvise.

Not wanting to quickly exchange gifts as they said goodbye, Steve decided to head over to Bucky's apartment a few days earlier than they had planned. Sure, Steve was well aware that Bucky was tutoring one of his classmates, helping them cram before exams. But typically, the tutoring sessions only lasted a few hours.

On the walk over to Bucky's dorm, Steve's heart was racing. This was it. Steve was going to give Bucky a part of himself, a part of his soul, that no one else had. Not even Bucky, yet. It was utterly exhilarating.

Despite Steve carrying the wrapped painting, his hands still shook in excitement. Reaching Bucky's dorm, Steve took in a grounding breath. Then, with his shaky fist, Steve knocked on the door.

An excited smile crossed Steve's face as he heard commotion coming from inside the dorm room. He couldn't wait to see Bucky's surprised face. It was the only thing that Steve wanted to see in that moment. He couldn't wait for Bucky to wrap him up in his arms and kiss him deeply in his gratitude.

However, when the door opened to reveal a shirtless Bucky, Steve's smile slightly faltered as his brows furrowed in confusion. Steve directed his attention from Bucky's bare abdomen to his face, and yes, Bucky did indeed look surprised.

"Hey," Bucky greeted Steve, as though everything in that moment was normal.

And perhaps it would've been. If Steve didn't notice a girl tugging up her jeans in the background.

Steve's heart dropped down into his stomach, shattering like porcelain. What made it worse was that Steve knew the girl. Had met the girl. Had assumed that she was just a girl in Bucky's calculus class. Was just a friendly delivery girl.

Snapping his gaze to Bucky's, Bucky seemed entirely confused by Steve's expression. His brows were furrowed and he asked, "Steve?"

"Oh my god," Steve breathlessly stated, mostly to himself.

"Are you okay?" Bucky questioned, reaching up to put his hand on Steve's slender shoulder.

Steve took a step back, almost losing his balance. Of course, that only had Bucky taking a step towards Steve and grabbing onto Steve's bony elbow to help steady the petite boy. Immediately, Steve ripped his arm out of Bucky's grasp as he demanded, "Don't touch me."

"Why?" Bucky asked, his brows set in a heavy furrow.

"You're sleeping with other people," Steve incredulously accused.

"Wait, are we exclusive?" Bucky questioned, brows arching high on his forehead.

Steve was speechless. He had assumed that they were. He had assumed that Bucky felt the same. After everything that they had been through and done together...

Not knowing what to do, but knowing that he didn't want to be there. So, Steve quickly headed back the way that he came. Feeling like his heart was cutting up his insides, Steve begged himself to keep it together.

If only Bucky hadn't followed him. If only Bucky hadn't been able to effortlessly catch up to Steve. If only Bucky hadn't asked, "If you wanted to be exclusive, why didn't you say anything?"

Stopping dead in his tracks at that, Steve honestly answered, "I didn't think I had to."

Was this Steve's fault? He had been so scared of losing Bucky that he had unwittingly been sharing him with whoever Bucky wanted. Perhaps Steve should've seen this coming. Especially when their own -- WHAT THE FUCK HAD THEY EVEN BEEN -- started with them being on a double date with other people as their dates.

Looking down at the ground, as though that had all the answers, Steve remembered the painting that he still had in his shaking hands. Unceremoniously, Steve thrust the painting towards Bucky. Once Bucky took the painting, Steve went to step around the wiry brunet, but was stopped.

Steve looked at the hand on his shoulder and then up at Bucky. His vision blurred with his desperate tears, and trying to sound as composed as possible in that moment, Steve demanded, "Don't."

For a moment, the pair just stood there looking at one another. Steve swore that a flash of despair crossed Bucky's face. But Steve wasn't completely sure if it had actually happened. Or if he just imagined it.

Whether it happened, or not, Bucky dropped his hand from Steve's shoulder and took a step to the side, allowing Steve to walk around him. Allowing Steve to rush out of the residence hall. To run back to his own dorm.

Distressed, Steve entered his dorm and unintentionally slammed the door closed. Steve was unable to compose himself any longer and he slid down the closed door to sit on the floor.

With tears streaming down his face, Steve gained Sam's attention. Since Steve was so upset and his breathing was erratic, Sam rushed over to the petite blond and intently kneeled in front of the smaller boy.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, practically hovering around Steve, not knowing if he should touch his roommate or not.

"You... were... right," Steve managed to get out through his gasps of air as he struggled for breath while he sobbed.

"C'mere," Sam encouraged, opening his arms invitingly for Steve. Steve didn't hesitate. Gladly surging into Sam's embrace, letting the larger boy hold him and comfort him. Sam smoothed his hand over Steve's hair and sincerely apologized, "I'm so sorry."