Sarah's Story

Wrestling With God

James heads down to the chapel.  He knows from experience how long first time check in is. "It will be my Sarah's first time!" He thinks," she hasn't been in the hospital since birth. No accidents. No major illness. Nothing! And now this! My worst nightmare. How? Why?"

He stumbles into the chapel to address them to the One who could answer them. If He will. He has his doubts. He had asked the same questions of Him when his wife was diagnosed when Sarah was a merely three.. And kept asking them through the surgeries, chemo, and radiation.  Through it all, he felt silence. Indifference!  And, when he had to bury his wife before their daughter had her first day of school, he stopped asking, stopped believing.

But, with Sarah facing the same battle, He is the only place to turn. He prays he might find more then silence. Sarah had never lost the child-like faith that her momma had lead her to. It had even grown and got stronger with time. He prays he can borrow some of it.

When he reaches the chapel, he reaches the end of his endurance, the courage and stamina that had carried him this far. He comes to the end of himself. He falls to his knees in front of the alter.

"Oh God, why? I can't lose her too! You cannot have her back, not yet! Oh please God, honor the faith, her faith.  She believes in You. Serves You! Honor the miniscule faith I have. I will try, really try to forgive You for taking Melanie but, I can't survive You taking Sarah. If You must, take me too.
Please, please, please! Don't punish Sarah for my anger at You. Make me sick, give me the cancer. I will take it.  Please God!"

He stays until he feels His Presence. It is a Presence he has been missing for years now. He doesn't get an assurance that Sarah will be alright. He does know that He will be there. He would be there for whatever happens. And, for now, it is enough.

"Thank You God."