I decided to make a space to rant, discuss, review and just get things off my chest. Please note that mental illness and addiction are things I live with, so this might be triggering to some. I'm holding nothing back.
Yep. It's the cliche of cliches. I got pregnant in Vegas. What happens there does not stay there. Not at all. Lol.
I'm guessing Vegas anyway 'cause we had sex there... a lot. And I was ovulating at that time.
Either way, my ass is pregnant. Or perfnat... or pregante... or pregat.
PLEASE watch this video. It has made me howl with laughter even when I wanna cry:
Hahahahaha I just watched it again!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!
Anyway, back to reality. I keep cheap pregnancy tests around because I'm not on the pill anymore and I haven't put up with condoms since my youth lol. So hubby was out of town and I took one Wednesday night because my period was late, which happens a lot, so imagine my shock when I saw THIS
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
That faint line continued to darken and just as I was on the verge of a freak out my hubby gets home, which was a huge relief. I was like,
"Don't freak out."
I showed him the test and he goes, "Okay. Why would I freak out?"
I love this man. So I felt slightly better but was still terrified thinking about the future that up until that moment had not contained kids.
We don't have money for childcare and I can't quit my job. Also, I just got this new job and now I have to be the annoying pregnant teacher who shows up in August knocked up without having told anyone, which makes it look like I withheld the information just to ensure a job there. It's a new school so getting rehired after next year is a major gamble. We no longer have tenure in Florida. It can go either way, but this doesn't help. We are always broke. We don't even have a room for this baby! Etc. These worried thoughts kept going through my head all night.
I am pro-choice but have always vowed I will keep a baby if I get pregnant, so the next day I just prayed and turned over all these worries to God. There is nothing else I can do. Adoption is not possible because I won't be able to hand over the baby after I've carried it. I know myself.
The next morning I bought three nice pregnancy tests and took them throughout the day. Double lines, double lines, digital yes. Four confirmations. I took another yesterday. Another positive. So I've taken FIVE 99% accurate positive tests and think I can safely I am preggers.
I have my first appointment on the 21st.
Now the fear has dissipated and I'm EXCITED! I feel so much emotion. My hubby is thrilled too and his eyes are just glowing. It's so cute. So now I WANT this baby and I'm terrified I might lose it or they won't find anything in the ultrasound or something. Ugh. So many emotions!
We are telling his parents tomorrow since it's Mother's Day. I already told mine. He bought a mini hotrod car and is going to write "made in Vegas" on it and give it to them to see if they get it lol.
I can't help thinking about the baby and names and genders and all that. I know if it's a girl I want the name Issi. It's my tribe's word for deer and I just love it. As for a boy, no clue really.
I am genuinely excited now so officially accepting congratulations. Lol.
