Maybe We Should Go Back

Pain Threshold?

How high is your pain threshold? How do you know when you can't take anymore? Have you ever puked or passed out?

I ask this because I now have something called "irritable uterus" going on, which means I have nearly 24/7 contraction pain with no actual contractions happening. The pain was so bad today I puked, which has not happened to me before. I have almost blacked out during a tattoo once though, which got me thinking about pain thresholds.

I did some research and it turns out that everyone is different. No amount of pain can kill you, but everyone's highest threshold is different. It's based on a number of things like genetics and how much pain you endured in childhood (like if you've never broken a bone, your pain threshold is going to be lower than someone who did). I just thought it was interesting and wanted to see where everyone's threshold is. Tell me the most agonizing physical pain you've ever been through.

Maybe it'll help me take my mind off of this. The hospital gives me a Tylenol every six hours (which I throw up), so I did a bad thing and slipped down to the lobby and bought some for myself. I'm not supposed to leave unless someone is pushing me in a wheelchair, but somehow I managed to slip by everyone. I felt like such a rebel. Desperate times, you know.

I am very nervous that I'm actually in full labor and no one knows it. This pain has been happening for two days, and I know they think it's fake, but I just feel like something is going on right now in my body. I feel like I'm going to have this baby, like, tonight. Or tomorrow. I'm still leaking amniotic fluid, I'm having back contraction pain, I'm throwing up, etc. Those are all symptoms of early labor. I don't know what to make of it except I'm in misery. I try to sleep but can't with this pain. Massaging, changing positions, moving around... all worthless. It's relentless and you can't do shit about it. I haven't been able to eat or sleep at all today. I can barely drink water because I throw it up.

Maybe if I scream and cry, people will do something. My problem is I'm extremely stoic about my pain. I get very quiet and focus on breathing and where my thoughts are so I can weaken the pain. Part of me thinks if I just start rolling around and crying, I'll get taken seriously. The one thing you can't explain to a doctor is your intuition. I don't feel right. I don't know what's wrong, but I sure as fuck don't feel right. I haven't felt right since I got that UTI, which set off this whole chain of events.

No one has checked on my cervix, which was apparently shortening last week. Has anything changed? Who knows. No one has measured the amniotic fluid in two days. I just feel helpless. I don't want to have Ethan this early, but I also don't want him to die just because I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Everyone's like, "When it's a contraction you'll know."

Really though?

How will I know?

I'm puking from the amount of physical pain I'm in, so do tell... how will I magically know? What differentiates the excruciating agony I'm in now from another type of excruciating agony I'll feel later?

Ugh this is so frustrating! I guess I'll just wait until I feel the urge to push... nothing else I can do.