Good Enough

Mia - One AM Conversations

Okay, rude.

I texted Julian hours ago and nothing. No reply. We were having a pretty good conversation and then he stopped answering. I sent him another text saying "hope the homework's going good :)" and then he just read it and didn't reply.

Now it's almost one in the morning, but I can't sleep. My stomach hurts and i have no idea why. I didn't end up doing homework. And Dad called Mom, which means her whole mood deflated. She didn't even make dinner. I ended up making Zoe a sandwich, but even her sunny personality was all sad.

I sigh and turn back over on my bed so that I'm staring at the ceiling. At my old house, I used to have those glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and I would stare at them before I fell asleep. That was after I got over my irrational spider fear though.

I close my eyes to try and sleep again, except my phone starts vibrating from my table. I open my eyes and reach over, squinting at the bright screen in the room.

Julian: Sorry, I had to help my brother do something

Should I text him back? Or leave him on read?

In the end, my want to talk to him is greater than my need to be petty, so I text him back.

Me: Oh you have a brother?
Me: But it's ok

Julian: Yeah

Me: Older or younger?

Julian: Older

Me: Are you guys close

Julian: Eh
Julian: Why are you up this late missy?

That was a sudden topic change.

Me: I could ask you the same thing

Julian: Can't sleep

Me: Well, same actually

Julian: Huh
Julian: Is the homework killing you or is that just me?

Me: Just you I think
Me: My stomach just hurts

Julian: Well that sucks for me then
Julian: Eat anything today?

How about a no?

Why is he every bringing that up? Does he know something?

I mean the answer is no.

But I'm not going to say that because that makes red flags and we barely met. We don't need red flags yet. Or preferably ever.

Me: Yeah
Me: Oh well

Julian: Alright
Julian: Well, it's kind of late

Me: Oh, only kind of?

Julian: Oh shush
Julian: It's very late and i need to finish
Julian: I'll text you later...as in like after school yk?

Me: yeah
Me: Goodnight Julian

That was an interesting conversation. But I think I like talking to Julian in person. Or maybe over the phones he's better at conversation? I don't know. He could have just been distracted today. He's too focused to have a decent conversation right now, I think. I don't know. But I want to keep trying.

I sigh and turn back over clutching a pillow to my stomach. God. It hurts. It feels so empty.

Good. Just the way it should.

I squeeze my eyes shut. It takes a while, but eventually I fall asleep.

***

When I wake up again, it's 4 am according to my phone. God my stomach hurts. This isn't okay.

I sit up quickly in my bed and clutch my stomach before getting out of bed and walking quickly to the bathroom. It hurts so bad.

Tears fall silently down my face as I take my hand and stick my finger into the back of my throat. I just want whatever it is to stop hurting.

I gag but nothing comes out. My stomach feels so empty...

I sit there for a good twenty minutes crying and trying to throw up. But there's nothing to throw up. And even though my stomach still hurts, it makes me happy to know that I went a day with nothing.

I wash my hands and face and drink water before going back to bed I pull the blankets up as high as they go.

I'm almost asleep when I realize: Mom didn't even realize I was trying to throw up.

Yeah uhhhhh idek man. Summer is coming up soon so we'll see how this whole thing goes but vote comment etc. Thank you for reading. - MM