Good Enough

Julian - The End - Part 6

Useless. Worthless.

I can't do this anymore. "Stop!" I yell out. The voice is getting louder rand louder. Almost as loud as when I tried to kill myself. I'm drowning in it.

Mateo's eyes widen as he watches me tug at my hair. "Julian stop!"

"Ugh!" I scream out in agony. My head is pounding like never before. Shit I'm crying now. "It's not s-stopping."

I look down and see the IVs in my arm that are there for god knows what. Maybe that will make it stop. I want it all to stop.

Pull them out and see if you die. Third time is a charm, isn't it? Do it you worthless fucker.

I just want it to stop.

I reach down and yank the IV out, along with taking whatever was on my finger off. Mateo is trying to hold me down but I don't want to. I just want to get out there so I can try again.

I'll keep trying until it stops.

I quickly try to swing my legs over the bed, but at this point Mateo is practically sitting on top of me. I'm screaming at him, telling him to get off me while hitting and shoving him. Mateo's eyes are wide and scared as he tries desperately to keep my arms pinned down.

He frantically calls for a nurse while I start to think of other ways to get it to stop. It's like there's a screaming inside my head telling me how terrible of a person I am.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! I HATE YOU. I HATE ME. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE IT." I shout as a nurse rushed into the room. I fight even more frantically between her and Mateo.

Couldn't even commit suicide right.

Why is the voice so much worse this time?

Maybe because you had hope for once? Stupidly thought it would get better?

I want them to stop it I want them to stop me I want it all to stop stop just stop I don't even wanna die anymore I just want it to-

I feel a sharp prick in my arm and my eyes get heavy.

It stopped.

***

I shouldn't even call it "the end" at this point when it's been going on for so long