Good Enough

Julian - Please Eat

Something's up with Mia. 

I don't know exactly what it is though. I asked her about a few days after she said she wasn't hungry again. Foster tells me not to worry, because girls are girls, and they're weird. George tells me that some girls don't like eating in front of their boyfriends. Lana tells me to not overthink. My friends all gave me advice, but none of them seem to see what I see when I look at her. Of course, I see how beautiful she is, because I'm on not blind, but I can still see that there is something very obviously wrong. 

But back to when I asked her if everything was okay. She just said "Yup, all good", and changed the topic. And i don't want to overanalyze her answers and think she's lying. But it's so much harder to ignore when I know that I've used the exact same lines before. The "I'm good" and "I'm fine" and changing the subject. So yeah, even though I don't want to psychoanalyze her the way Mateo does to me, I can't stop. I know she hasn't eaten dinner in a few days. I can see the way she argues she's eating but pushes food around the plate. I just don't know how to talk to her about it when it's clear it's not something she wants to discuss. I don't want to push it ether...because then she might get mad at me. And I can't lose her. 

Coach's whistle forces me out of my thoughts and out onto the track. At least I know that no matter how many things are going on, I can count on the track to make me stop thinking about anything but getting faster. Coach doles out what we're doing, and my energy is practically through the roof. I had to take a few days off for my ankle and it was absolute hell to "take it easy". But  it's all wrapped up now, and even though the faint throb is still there, I need this run.

I sneak a glance at Mia who's listening to 'Drea talk animatedly. I consider going over to say hi, but Coach's whistle blows again, signaling the actual start of the running portion of practice.

We've only been running for only a few minutes when there's a loud thud from behind me. I turn my head quickly and catch a sight of Mia pushing herself up off the floor. Except she trips a little to the side as she tries, staggering to her feet in an unconvincing way. I jog off the track and to the bleaches where Mia is being led by our coach. He sits her down and i can't hear what they're saying, but Coach's face doesn't look like he likes what he's hearing.

"Hey what's up?" I ask, panting a little when I finally reach them.

"Ortega, shouldn't you be on your fifth lap by now?" Coach scolds, and I can feel my face flush a little. Usually when someone gets injured you keep running and check on them when you're done, unless they're bleeding and or dead. Must've slipped my mind.

"Sorry, I just saw Mia getting off the track and wanted to make sure she's okay."

Coach rolls his eyes in response, since I think he either knows or suspects that we're dating. I clear my throat and add, "And my ankle was aching a little bit still."

Coach shakes his head at me. "I told you to take it easy Ortega. Not kill your ankle.  Both of you take a breather. And Mia, eat something and stay hydrated before you hurt yourself too." With that, he's gone and I'm left to take a seat next to Mia.

"So are you okay?" I ask. She nods and takes a sip from one of water cups left on the bleachers. "Are you sure?"

She sighs. "Yeah, I'm sure. I just forgot to drink more water throughout the day before coming to practice. No big deal."

"Kind of is a big deal though. Weren't you dizzy right now?"

"She actually almost passed out,"Coach says, back again, except this time with a pack of crackers.  "Here you go Mia. Both of you come back on the track when you're ready."

We both say a quiet thanks, but as soon as he's out of earshot, I turn back towards Mia. She's playing with the package of crackers, appearing to have no intent of eating them.

"You should eat those," I say quietly.

She looks at me and shrugs, handing me the pack of crackers. "You can have them if you want."

"No, but you should have them," I say, handing the pack back to her. Mia looks at them like she wishes they would disappear and places them down on the bench, taking another sip of water without saying anything. I sigh and open the package, taking out a cracker and holding it out to her. "Eat it, please."

"Why?" she asks, making no move to get it from me.

"Because you almost passed out. And that's serious. And don't say it was just because you didn't drink water." I take a pause and sigh, dropping the cracker on the ground so at least the rats can eat it. "It's because you haven't eaten anything, isn't it?"

To that she says nothing. You shouldn't push it if you really like her . But I'm pushing it because I really like her. I want her to take care of herself. 

"I know I'm right. You can't deny it Mia. I haven't seen you eat anything in days. We call while we do homework and you never mention going to get dinner or even a snack. We've gone on dates to different coffee shops, different restaurants, and I never see you eat. You don't eat during, before, or after meets. Why? I know somethings going on. Please just tell me. And please just eat something. I'm not going to judge you if you eat in front of me. I want you to take care of yourself." 

Mia clears her throat and looks me right in the eyes. "I'm just not hungry, okay? I didn't drink enough water and it's hot outside. That's it."

I shake my head. I'm not going to just believe her anymore. I care too much about her. What if something had actually happened today? "That's not it. That's lies and bullshit that I don't believe anymore."

Mia pushes herself up off the bleachers, still looking at me. "I don't know what you think you're doing, or why you even care. We've been only dating for a few weeks, and honestly, I think it's a mistake because clearly you don't trust me or believe me. I'm actually not hungry."

She starts to walk away and I get up, starting to follow her. "Wait Mia,"

She turns, her entire body radiating "pissed". "Leave me alone Julian. Go run or something. Maybe force another girl to eat."

I sigh, feeling dejected. More than dejected. I shouldn't have let her walk away. What if she deals with the same stuff I do? What if it not eating is her choice of pain?

What a terrible, terrible boyfriend. Son, brother, student. Seems like you never get anything right, huh?

Yeah, I know.