Angels With Filthy Souls R-18 (COMPLETED)

Epilogue

Para akong nabulag nang tumama sa mga mata ko ang maliwanag na ilaw na nagmumula sa kwarto na hindi ako pamilyar pero kung pagbabasehan ang kabuuan ng lugar ay nasa hospital ako. Napaupo ako nang agad na maalala ang sanhi ng aking pagkahimatay. 

Dad. I need to see him fine and conscious. I want to tell him how sorry I am for causing all this troubles. My mind cannot think straight. I immediately push away the sheet that is covering me and sit up. Dizziness attacks me the moment I stand up. I grip the mattress to steady my spinning eyesight. 

"Lana Bellamie," umangat ang mga tingin ko sa kakabukas lang na pinto. Si Kuya Eleazar. "What are you doing? Bumalik ka sa kama mo." Utos niya sa akin na may pag-aalala na nakabakas sa kany'ang mukha. 

I shake my head and starts to walk towards him. The lines on his forehead deepens as his jaws hardens. "I need to see Dad, Kuya. Kasalanan ko kung bakit siya naroon. I should have been a better daughter. Kuya, si Daddy, nasa'n siya." Kung hindi pa inabot ni kuya EA ang pisngi ko para tuyuin ay hindi ko pa alam na umiiyak na naman pala ako. 

He pulls me for a hug and I weep more on his shoulders, "Hush, now. Wala kang kasalanan, Lana." He then combs my hair down to my back. I am sobbing while still overthinking how I messed up my own life and my family's as well. I am indeed a family wrecker. 

"Dad is fine but he's resting right now and that's what you also need right now." My brother looks me in the eyes with longing and sympathy mixed. He also cups my face and I shut my sight to the feeling he's giving my heart. "I am sorry, Lana. Pasensya ka na kung naging masyadong mahigpit kami sa 'yo. It's a fact that we all want you to have the bests in life but it seems that we made you experienced the bad. I admit that I was also one of those who took your childhood away but now all I want is for you to be happy. I am deeply sorry for all the bads I gave you, we gave you." 

Umiling ulit ako. Napipi ako sa hindi mapaliwanag na nararamdaman ko ngayon pero alam ko sa sarili ko na matagal ko na silang napatawad. Marami man ang pagkakataong pinagkait nila sa akin ay napunan naman iyon sa paglipas ng panahon. Hindi naman kasi maari na lunurin ko ang sarili ko sa poot at tampo sakanila. 

"I understand all of it, Kuya." Totoo, simula nang maging independent ako at naisip ang mas hinaharap pa, sa panahong may pamilya na ako, gugustuhin ko rin na mapasakanila ang lahat. 

All the rants I have when I was younger were already a laughing stock. Funny how I hate all of those but now that I am finally unleashed out of it, I can feel this empty spot in my heart. Ang sarap kaya sa pakiramdam na pinapagalitan ka dahil doon mo mapapagtanto na mahal ka ng isang tao. And I guarantee that that's their way of loving me. 

"The best, 'di ba iyon ang gusto niyo? Look at me now, I have my own house, a stable job and a happy family and it's all because of you. And this all for you." He give a pursing smile which I return with a full smile. Tumaas-baba ang ulo niya ng ilang beses na puno ng pag-iintindi. Tila ba nawala ang konsensya na kan'yang dala-dala sa puso niya kanina. 

Nagyakapan kami ulit ng ilan pang mga minuto bago pumasok doon si Forsythe. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa pigura niyang ilang oras ko ring hindi nakita. 

"Eleazar." Pagkuha niya sa atensyon niy Kuya dahil nakatalikod ito mula sa pinto. Lumingon ito at nilapitan ang kaibigan. 

The atmosphere thickens the moment they faced each other. They're not speaking but their eyes seems like having a serious talk. Then I see my brother taps Forsythe chest and looks at me over his shoulder. Kuya Eleazar nods his head at me before heading out and closing the door before him. 

Now I am left with the guy I love. "Kitten," he has this usual charming smile plastered on his face. My thumping heart slows its pace and I can feel it breaking at the sight of his smile. 

"We need to talk." I blurt out of nowhere. 

"Yes, we are." Naiinis ako sa paraan nang pagngiti niya. How can he be so happy after what just happened tonight? 

Ngayon ay kami naman ang magkatapat at kahit na gusto ko na siyang hilahin para sa isang mahigpit na yapos ay pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Tama na ang nagawa ko ngayong gabi, ayaw ko ng dagdagan pa ang problema kaya naman ay babawasan ko na  ang huli. 

"I want a breakup." That's all it takes to make the smile on his face vanish and I hate myself for doing that. 

"What?" I let my face project no emotions. 

"I said I want a breakup. Did you not  witness what happened this night because of us? Our love is the pain of all. Tigil na natin 'to please." Hindi siya sumagot at matigas na tumitig sa 'kin. "Na oh. Let's be both mature."

"But I love you, Kitten." Reklamo pa niya na puno ng hinanakit ang mga mata. 

"Mahal din naman kita, ah. But our love is not enough, you saw what happened to Dad?" Forsythe nods. "HIndi ko 'yun kayang maulit pa."

"Pero ako kaya mong iwan." I keep my mum. He's right, kung pareho ko pala silang mahal bakit ko siya sinasaktan? 

I am being unfair to him but choosing my happiness will make me a selfish woman. And the words Dad told me earlier, those scared me too. 

I gulp and look down. I cannot stand staring at him for another second. The pain in his eyes transfers to mine too. 

"Breakup should be a mutual decision." Bumalik ang atensyon ko sakaniya at kita ko pagtitig niya sa kisame para pigilan ang pagtulo ng mg luha niya. Ang mga kamay niya ay nasa magkabilang bewang niya. 

"I know," I say lowly. 

"Then tell me, is this what you really want? Gusto mong maghiwalay na tayo?" Binaba ko ulit ang mga mata ko nang makita ko ang kanya na puno na ng mga luhang nag-uunahang tumulo. Gusto ko nga ba 'to? Ayaw ko rin naman talaga kaso ito ang ikakabuti ng lahat. 

Forythe pulls me for a hug. "Kasi ako ayaw ko, Lana Bellamie. Ayokong maghiwalay tayo. Kung mahal mo talaga ako hindi mo ako sasaktan ng ganito." He says between his sobs while crying hard on the crook of my neck. 

I answer his embrace and fisted the polo shirt he's wearing. We just cried at each other's arm. We whimper because of the pain. He's not the only one hurting right now, even I can feel the killer pain. 

Niluwagan ko ang yakap ko at tinulak siya para bigyan ng distansya ng pagitan namin. "I am really, Forsythe, but I still want this breakup to happen." He dries his cheek and I see the last lone tear fall from his left eye as he nods his head with understanding. 

"Of course, I'll give what you want. Isn't that I always do?" 

Kahit na nginitian niya ako ay hindi niya pa rin naitago ang sakit sakanyang mga mata. Hindi naman kasi nagsisinungaling ang huli. Pero maya-maya pa ay humagulgol na naman siya. Ako na ang umakap sakaniya at pareho kaming muli nalunod sa luha.

Maya-maya pa ay inabot ko ang kan'yang mukha at kinulong iyon sa dalawa kong maliliit na kamay. "Dad, look at me." Pilit ko pang hinuli ang mga mata niya na basang-basa ng luha. 

"I love you very very much. I love you more than you'll ever know. Please always remember that no matter what happens, you are my favorite kind of love. You made me feel all those emotions that I have never felt before." I pause to catch my breath.

"I believe that that the love we have is the most great and right out of all the loves but the time we have makes it wrong. Maybe soon, if fate allows, we can come back to each other. I will come back to you and you'll come back to me." I rest my forehead against his while silently weeping and sniffing. 

He pulls me even closer and I grab that opportunity to kiss him fully on his lips. I can taste the bittersweet taste of our tears between our lips but this does not end here. 

"Not now but soon, Forsythe."

"Not now but soon." He repeats after me. He also kisses my forehead with passion. 

"But for now it's I love you and... good bye." That's his last statement before leaving me dumbfounded while crying and watching the closing door empty with his presence. 

Bakit kasi ang hirap ipilit ang isang bagay na sinasalungat ng tadhana? Kahit na gusto mo pang ipaglaban, isusuko mo na lang ng kusa kasi bawal nga.

- - - 

THE END