After My Death Tomorrow (Published Under PSICOM Publishing Inc.)

Episode 5

Parallel universe. The other dimension. The other world. The other me.

Parallel universe is where the letters of my future self came from. Sa mundong ginagalawan nila ngayon, nangyari na ang nakatadhanang mangyari sa mundo ko ngayon. Sa mundo nila, wala na si Marco. And the thoughts pained me right now. Like bruising my heart in a slow motion, I don't know what to feel first. Feel sad? Anxious? Alarmed?

It's borderline stressing the hell out of me.

As I stare at Marco's vacant seat, I heave a deep and sad sigh. Trying to halt myself from crying. Naiyak ko nang lahat kagabi, ubos na ubos na ako ngayon.

I already paid the price.

It was my fault.

I am a fucking idiot.

A hoe.

A stupid person.

It was all my fault.

Yesterday was fun, I got the chance to know Marco more. The real Marco. The Marco that I would sacrifice myself just to be close with.

Yesterday, we were carefree. We are youth. A group of innocent lives with nothing to think of but to never stop that day early. Ilang oras iyon ng tawanan at asaran habang gumagala kami sa kung saan kami dalhin ng mga paa namin.

Yesterday was the best day of my life . . . but not until last night's circumstances started to struck before my eyes. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan. Hindi ako handa para doon. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang nangyari kagabi. Ayokong tanggapin. Dahil hindi ko talaga kaya.

Absentmindedly, I stood up. Walang tao sa classroom ngayon. Lahat ng kaklase ko ay pumunta sa canteen. I even pushed Magne to just leave me alone. I was so grateful that she let me without even asking a question.

I headed to the comfort room to . . . cry. There, I sob and sob and sob until I wish for yesterday to happen again. Sana talaga, pwede iyong maulit. Sana talaga, pwede ko pang baguhin ang nangyari na. Kasi 'yung sakit at pagsisi, pinapatay ako ngayon, eh. 'Yung sama ng loob sa sarili sa hindi ko pagsunod doon sa nakasulat sa letter, patuloy akong pinapatay nang unti-unti. Para akong nauupos na kandila. Habang tumatagal ang oras ay parang hindi ko na yata kakayanin pang tanggapin ang mga nangyari kagabi. Baka sumabog na lang ako.

With damped face, bumalik na uli ako sa classroom. Ngunit natigilan ako sa harap ng pinto nang matanaw ko iyong pink na envelope sa aking desk.

It was the letter from my future self!

I looked around. Sinong naglagay niyon doon? Pero wala nang kaso sa akin iyon ngayon. Widening my eyes, I hastily walk towards it. I was so quick to grab ahold of it. With trembling hands, I started to open it. Sa panginginig ko nga ay muntik ko nang mapunit ito.

To Margot,

Hope you are doing fine.

I am not.

I will never be.

Today was listed as one of the saddest days of my life. It was the one I want to go back to and change. I just wish I had the power to change the past.