After My Death Tomorrow (Published Under PSICOM Publishing Inc.)

Episode 39

So . . . yeah.

Tumawa siya. Pero taliwas iyon sa naramdaman ko. Para kasing may kumurot sa puso ko matapos kong mapakinggan iyon.

This is the last voice message.

After this, I will be gone.

After this, I will permanently be away from all of you.

And I hope, you'd be glad to know what I am about to do. Kasi after all naman, this is what you want. Me ending my own life. Me fading out of the narrative I should not be. Me waking up from my delusional fantasizing that life could be better for me but no, my life was nothing but a painful journey.

No, Marco.

Life is never what you think.

You are just being blinded by the circumstances. Nothing will ever go to right places if you continue living with that mindset. Life is a rough road, you got to be your own silver linings.

It's been a long day.

It's been long hours of me fighting with my own self.

Pero walang nagbago.

Walang nagpabago ng isip ko.

That was the reason why I can't stop myself now. I have to be firm with my own decision.

I will die tonight.

I will end it all tonight.

His voice . . .

It was full of conviction. Just like a bottle of cemented confidence, he is ready to face the end of the rope.

And it's bullshit.

The feeling I get from it is borderline dreadful.

I . . . will face the latter part now with me killing myself. With me, hanging my head to this sweet little rope.

Naubusan na ng hangin ang mga baga ko.

Doon ko lang napagtantong kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan ang hininga ko. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako naglabas ng malalim na hangin mula sa mga baga ko.

Ang sakit pakinggan ni Marco.

Nakakapanghinang magpatuloy.

Hanggang sa makarinig ako ng tunog galing kay Marco. He seems like moving things. It's a wood colliding against the tiles.

Napapikit ako.

Nanginginig ang katawan ko.

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko.

Ngayon, hawak ko na ang tali. It is firmly hanging at the ceiling. I made sure that it is strongly knitted. Para wala nang take two. Para wala nang bawian. Para wala nang urungan.

Ilang segundong walang nagsalita.

Kasabay iyon ng pagkawala muli ng hangin mula sa aking mga baga.

There.

Ipinasok ko na sa ulo ko ang tali. It is currently hanging on my neck. Waiting for me to kick the wooden chair I am standing in.

I let out a deep breath.

No, Marco!

Hanggang sa bumilis ang paghinga ko. Kasabay ng pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Kasabay ng lungkot na mabilis na sinasakop ang buong sistema ko.

After my death tomorrow, I hope every sad events that remind you of me will be eluded just like how I did to myself.

After my death tomorrow, I hope I fully paid all of my father's crime.