After My Death Tomorrow (Published Under PSICOM Publishing Inc.)

Episode 42

Habang patuloy sa paghagulgol si Marco, ang malamig na simoy ng hangin na nanggagaling sa dagat ay tila bang mas lumalamig dulot marahil ng lungkot na nadarama niya. Lahat kami ay natahimik, tanging tunog lang ng alon, ng malakas na ihip ng hangin at ng malungkot na paghagulgol niya ang tanging naririnig namin sa kasalukuyan.

Ibinaling ko ang aking tingin kay Marco, bakas na bakas pa rin sa mukha ko ang pag-aalala. "Marco, death isn't the end of everything. It's actually not a period but a punctuation mark that will continue the eternal happiness to the paragraph of someone else's life."

Nagpatuloy lang siya sa paghagulgol na unti-unti namang dumudurog sa aking puso. Bumuntong hininga ako at saka ibinaling ang aking tingin sa mga kaibigan ko, bakas din sa kanila ang pag-aalala at kalungkutan. Katulad ko'y hindi rin siguro nila ito inaasahan.

"Marco, hindi natatapos ang lahat sa pagkawala ng tatay mo. Bagkus, gamitin mo ang pagkawala niya bilang isang motibasyon para lalo ka pang maging malakas nang sa gayon, kapag muli kayong nagkita ay may maipagpapamalaki ka sa kaniya at iyon ay ang hindi mo pag-suko-- na hindi ka nagpatalo sa hamon ng kaniyang pagkawala."

I rub his back. "You have to be strong. Your father wants you to be brave because that's how he raised you. Let him see that he succeeded with what he wants to see in you. Believe me, hindi siya matutuwang makita kang malungkot lalong lalo na kung ang dahilan nito ay dahil sa pagsisi sa sarili mo dahil sa pagkawala niya." 

I gave him a reassuring smile. "Your father wants you to live your life without regrets. It wasn't your fault. No one's at fault here because everything happens for a specific reason. Death is inevitable and it is not the opposite of life, it's actually a part of it. People come and go, and we can never stop it from happening."

On the back of my mind, I'm smiling bitterly. The last sentence that I said hits me so hard. Bigla kong naalala ang nasa letters, mangyayari pa rin ba ang dapat na mangyari sa kanya kahit na pigilan pa namin ito?

But I choose to erase the negative thoughts for awhile, what I need to do now is to save Marco from his regrets and the easiest way to do that is to motivate him that everything's fine. That everything should be fine regardless of the burden he has deep inside his heart.

I continue to tap his back. "The least that you can do now is to cherish the memories that you had with him and then use it as a medium for you to be stronger. With that, you could have a positive outlook about life and it will pave a way for you to make the best out of what you currently have."

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtitig sa kanya. Nakangiti, ngunit hindi maitago ang kirot sa aking puso. "Siguro, kung ako si Tito Azrael, malulungkot ako kung makikita kong umiiyak at sinisisi ng anak ko ang sarili niya dahil sa pagkawala ko. Gusto mo bang malungkot din siya?"

Pero hindi siya sumagot. Nagpatuloy pa rin siya sa paghagulgol. And its breaking my heart. The pain he is feeling right now is too emotionally painful that all he can do is to just cry hard. The pain might be so isolating in such a way that he forgot that he is with us. Nakalimutan na niya yatang kasama niya kami dahil para bang hindi niya ako narinig.

But I won't stop. The loss that he is regretting right now is breaking his heart into pieces but I'm willing to fix it for him. I'm willing to fix it for him all over again.

"Alam kong sobrang nasasaktan ka ngayon at hindi madaling mawawala ang sakit na nararamdaman mo kasi katulad ng isang malalim na sugat, hindi iyan basta-bastang maghihilom. It will take years or decades but atleast, set your heart free from the regrets that you have right now. You deserve to laugh with us, you deserve everything that's far from the depressing ideas of your regrets."

Bumuga ako ng hangin. "Wala kang kasalanan dahil sa buhay, may mga tao talagang hindi natin mapipigilan ang pag-alis. That was the sad reality of life, the people that we love might leave us all of a sudden and it will ruin us. I know, it will wreck us to the point that all we can do is to just cry. But their exit was never our fault, it will happen because it's ought to happen."