Story of My Life

Fragile Liza

Sam:
The next morning, I woke up to an arm to the face. Did I forget to mention my girlfriend moves around a lot in her sleep? Well, she does. Wish me luck on this one. I carefully moved her arm, so as to not wake her, and turned to check the time on my phone. 8am, Great, I thought to myself as I turned around and contemplated waking Liza up before noon on a Saturday. Hmm probably not the best idea... I thought to myself before grabbing my phone and scrolling through it, knowing better than to move now. We talked last night and figured out the whole wedding debacle so that was one problem solved.

A few hours later...

She began to stir awake letting out a small stretch before pulling the sheets up further and buried herself into my side. She was being extra clingy again and I instantly knew today was going to be a rough day for her. She became more and more restless, tossing and turning till she finally gave up on sleeping in any further and let out a huff of annoyance, face planting into the pillow, kicking the mattress, the pair socks she kicked off in her sleep falling off the bed before getting up with her hair stuck to her face and sticking out every which way.

"Good morning," I greeted her, to which I was greeted with incoherent sounds and a mumbled through loudass yawn.

"Oh fuck off asshole," she grumbled, instantly telling me this wasn't just a bad anxiety day, it was just a bad day.

I knew today was going to be emotional and me walking on eggshells day. Luckily, this type of abrupt sour mood in the morning wasn't a foreign concept to me, so I didn't question it when she tamed her bed head and cuddled into me, still grumbling in annoyance. She was annoyed and chances are she didn't know why herself. I put a protective arm around her, resting a hand on her back, holding her to me as she clung to me like a koala to a tree. I decided to get one work done, knowing she wouldn't leave my side today, and got out my laptop, taking care of some emails and salon reno things. Once I took care of work stuff, it was past lunch time and I knew I had to wake up Eliza. She was trying to get out of eating again and I knew today was gonna be a tough day to get her to eat, but it had to be done. She was trying to lose weight again and it was starting to show. Her weight hadn't gone up much to begin with, but we were able to get her to a good place, but now she was starting to spiral again. 

 I knew by the way she bunched up the blanket in her hands that she was not going to appreciate this, but it was something I could live with. I gently shook her awake, making sure to be extra careful and delicate in doing so as to avoid another hurricane Liza. Soon, her perfect hazel-green eyes fluttered open and looked up at me, as she sat up and put her legs onto either side of me so she was straddling me, as her lips made their way up to mine, going at it with more intensity by the second. I knew where this was headed, and as much as I would've loved to go there, I knew this was her depression talking and now wasn't the time for what she was trying to get at. She was slipping into a dark place and I knew this would only enable her in making more rash decisions, like playing with her life. I knew this from the last time she got this handsy and frisky, she withdrew from everyone and everything and became hell bent on ruining any good thing she had going for her. She even tried to push me away, but eventually I was able to get through to her and got her into therapy. I could sense she was starting to spiral again as she looked up at me confused as to why I pulled away, and I knew things were about to get ugly and there was no getting out of it.

"Come on Sam, don't you want some," she asked getting all handsy again. I let out a sigh, taking her hand into my own and just talking to her.

"Not today Liza."

"Fineee, at least do something," she whined, getting restless, to which I still shook my head no.

She wanted a distraction, and she wanted me to make her forget, but I knew better than to do that. It may sound harsh, but she wasn't in a stable headspace at the moment, so doing anything now would be wrong and only make her spiral farther away.

She gave me a dirty look, letting out a sigh of annoyance as she got off the bed and went straight to the bathroom, clearly bothered but not willing to admit it.

I stood by the doorway, keeping an eye on her, trying to figure out where her head was at. Was she just in a mood, or was it something bigger?

She quickly finished up her business and brushed past me, telling me she was mad at me but was going to be stubborn about it. She was getting agitated that I wasn't leaving her be, and I was very much aware of this, but I was more scared of what she'd do if I left her alone, so I didn't let her have her way. I knew this would only end in a meltdown, but I knew she needed to let herself feel before I even thought about trying to reason with her. I watched as she went about her day, grabbing a bowl of cereal before settling onto the couch with a blanket, grumpily munching on her food. She thought I was rejecting her by not letting her have her way earlier. This I knew I would need to remedy immediately.

I went over to the couch, sitting beside her, putting an arm around her, which she tried to fight, but quickly gave in, setting aside the bowl and resting her self against me. She just stared out into the distance, almost as if she were numb to the world. She didn't want to deal with whatever was going on in her head, so this was her way of checking out of the world for a bit. I held her closer, trying to get her to talk, but having no such luck.

"You know I love you no matter what, right?"

Nods yes

Sigh, "you gonna be okay?"

She nodded tiredly, getting restless and frustrated again.

"You just wanna be grumpy for a bit?"

She nodded again, she was getting more fidgety and irritated, telling me this was her anxiety giving her a hard time.

I held her to me, as she fought my hold, trying to hit me, getting all worked up, and I let her have her moment, knowing better than to leave her in this state. She started getting agitated and aggressively scratching her skin raw, so I decided to intervene. I held her so that she couldn't hurt herself, which was not okay with her as she put up a bigger fight.

Whatever was going on, it was worse than it had been, so I let her be for a little while, making sure to keep an eye out for any more signs of her hurting herself. She was angry and frustrated not knowing what to do with all the restlessness she was feeling, and there wasn't much I could do besides comfort her, which she refused to let me go near her, but yet she still wanted comfort, further bothering her. After some fighting on her part, I held her to me, shifting us over to the bedroom, where she immediately buried herself into me, still restless, but less agitated. I held her closer, knowing this was the only way she would calm down and take it easy.