Accidentally in Love

Chapter 7

March 5, 2017, Manila

I was holding my breath the hole time that I was in the elevator. Hindi naman dahil sa may kasabay ako na may putok. It's just that hindi ko alam kung paano ba pakakalmahin ang sarili ko. My heart was pounding so fast na feeling ko, anytime ay lalabas na ito sa rib cage ko.

Shit naman. Bakit ba ako nagkakaganito?

By the time the elevator reached the Ground Floor, gusto ko nang bumalik bigla sa floor namin. Parang gusto ko biglang mag-overtime kahit na wala naman na akong dapat i-overtime. I would love to do everything just to find an excuse para hindi kaming magkitang dalawa ni Sir Mark. But the heck. Kahit pala na mag-overtime ako, makakapunta pa rin naman siya sa cubicle ko. So what do I do now?

"Thea!" I heard him call my name pagkalabas ko ng elevator. Napapikot ako dahil doon. Langya naman! Nakabantay ba talaga siya sa lobby? 

Huminga ako nang malalim, forcing myself to calm down. I then looked towards his direction and forced myself to smile.

"Yes po?" I asked, acting as if hindi ko nabasa yung message niya.

"Didn't you-- Never mind. Can we talk? Again? I mean I know what I did earlier was out of bounds and there's no excuse for that. I just want to clear things up and I guess I don't want you to leave while we have this awkward thing between us," sabi niya and I had to stop myself from looking around just in case may nakarinig sa kung ano mang pinagsasasabi niya. Mahirap na. As I've said, ayaw kong magkaroon ng issue sa office just because there's this "thing" between me and Sir Mark. That's a no-no for me.

Kaya nga as much as possible, I wanted to find someone who's not from our office. I didn't want things to get awkward around me. Katulad ngayon. Wala pa nga masyadong progress, awkward na agad. What more kung mas marami pang feelings na na-invest at na-involve, 'di ba?

"Can we talk about this somewhere else? I'm really not comfortable discussing it here," I meekly told him and his face brightened up at once. Kung kanina, mukhang pasan niya ang problema ng buong mundo, ngayon, mga 50% na lang siguro?

"Yeah, sure. Saan mo gusto?" tanong niya sa akin. I was about to tell him na mag-dinner na lang din kami kaso diyahe pala. Ang awkward na nga naming dalawa, lalamon pa ako bigla. Saka for sure, hindi na naman ako makakakain nang maayos dahil titingnan niya lang ako the whole time that we'd be together. It already became his habit kaya kabisadong-kabisado ko na siya.

"Any coffee shop will do. Saglit lang naman 'to, 'di ba? I need to meet up with my brother din kasi," sagot ko sa kanya kahit na hindi naman talaga kami magkikita ni Kuya. Tumango na lang si Sir Mark bilang sagot kahit na bakas sa mukha niya ang disappointment. Was he really hoping that we would be having dinner together? Ay leche. Gumagana na naman 'tong pagka-feelingera ko.

Sir Mark led me to the nearest coffee shop in our office na hindi rin naman masyadong pinupuntahan ng mga officemate namin. In short, it was close but safe from chismis. He chose the farthest seat from the entrance and I just followed him silently, feeling a little thankful na naiintindihan niya rin yung situation ko. When we finally settled down, he then proceeded to order for the both of us. Hindi na niya ako tinanong kung ano'ng gusto ko. He already memorized kung ano ang palagi kong ino-order and somehow, na-guilty ako lalo dahil sa inasal ko.

The heck. Should I really be feeling this way right now? Wala pa naman kami, ah? Bakit grabe ako kung ma-guilty?

Bago pa man ako gumawa ng kung anong ikapapahiya ko, I silently took a sip from my iced vanilla latte. After a few minutes, Sir Mark finally decided to break the ice.

"Like I've said earlier, I'm sorry for what I did and said earlier. I've crossed the line and that was wrong of me."

"Wait lang," I said, cutting him from proceeding with whatever speech that he's about to say. "I'm sorry din if walang preno yung bibig ko kanina. I should have chosen my words carefully. I know the damage has been done but ayun nga. I'm not sure how things would go. What I know is, right now, you've been an amazing friend to me and I don't want to waste that just because ang labo kong kausap. Gets mo ba?" Before I could even stop myself, nasira na naman yung preno ng bibig ko. In the end, imbis na maging malungkot si Sir Mark, tinawanan niya na lang ako.