Somebody To Call Mine (Completed)

Epilogue: Forgive and Forget (Part 1)

Epilogue: Forgive and Forget (Part 1)

Kenneth Andrew Montemayor

I closed my eyes as I try to ignore the seething pain inside my chest. It was unbearable. It was something I've never felt before. It was something new to my core. And that something is tearing my entire being.

I lost them. I lost every fcking people that mattered to me. Nawala sila sakin dahil sa kagagawan ko. Nawala sila sakin dahil sa maling desisyon ko. I lost them and I know I deserve it. I don't deserve Mandy or our kids. Hindi ako ang tamang tao para sakanila.

I need to be better.

I sighed as the pain continues. Truth is, I never wanted to agree with this. I want us to make this work together. I want them to stay-with me. But her tear stricken face on that day in the hospital made me realize, we both need space. A kind of distance I never thought will make me crumble and fall.

The set up was very unfair. It was unfair but I'm helpless.

Mandy flew to the States with our children while I stay here-alone, with a wrecked heart and a miserable life. I took a series of deep and tired breaths. Gusto ko siyang pigilan, gusto kong magmakaawa sakanya and I fought the urge to kneel again and beg for them not to leave me. I know if I did that, she'll end up hurting more and I don't want to inflict her with more pain. Ako na lang. Ako na lang ang masasaktan nang sobra sobra.

They are the love of my life and I never thought that kind of love could be this painful. I stood up and walk away from the airport.

They're gone and I have to be strong for the next six months. I have to be the best man I can be for my family. I have to be there when she bore our daughter. I have to be there for my sons when they first walk to school. I need to be there in every step of their lives-their milestones.

I want to change for the better, but I don't know where to start.  

Dumiretso akong opisina matapos kong ihatid ang mag-iina ko. I don't want to be alone and my office is the next best place for me to sulk and occupy my mind. Tumayo ang bago kong sekretarya at gulat akong binati.

"Good Afternooon, Sir! I thought..."

I smiled and dismissed her thoughts. "Give me my full schedule for the day." She didn't have the chance to ask further questions. "And please tell Atty. Lopez, I need the papers he's working on." I ordered before entering my office.

I sat down and stared at the nothingness of the whole city. The sky is so dark as if rain was about to fall. Tila pati ang langit ay nakikisimpatya sa nararamdaman kong kalungkutan. I just wish everything was nothing but a nightmare.

"Daddy will follow as soon as he fixed everything." Pagak akong napatawa sa pagsisinungaling ko kanina. My sons wanted an assurance that I'll be coming for them and I gave a pretty good white lie. Hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko bang tuparin ang pangako kong pagsunod sakanila dahil magpahanggang ngayon ay hindi nakiki-cooperate si Yngrid.

I've been trying to contact her since the beginning but she's so stubborn. Ayaw niyang bumigay sa pakiusap ko. Halos ibigay ko na nga sakanya lahat ng pera ko but she refuse to bow down and she even threatened our child-her own flesh and blood.

I sighed as I remember Ynigo, my other son. He's a vibrant boy. Gustong-gusto niyang magkaroon ng kapatid. He knows everything. Alam niyang may dalawa siyang kapatid na lalaki at isang munting prinsesa na parating pa lamang. I've laid everything on the table when it comes to my son. He's unexpectedly happy when I broke him the news and I hope my other children can have the same reaction when I introduced him to them.