Know what happens every time you leave, always come back.
I was staring at my ghost, speechless, trying to grasp if she's real or maybe I'm still high.
Something in me was preventing me from taking a step, I froze, hoping she would just go away.
There was a remorseful expression on her face; she gave me a little grin and looked at me straight in the eyes.
I couldn't just run away; I had no other choice but to face my demons.
So I started walking towards her.
"Hey."
Her voice was different, raspier than I remember.
The closer I got, more noticeable the dark circles under her eyes were. Lips were a little chapped, her eyes looking like they were made of shiny glass.
She needs a hit, I knew.
"Why are you here?"
I didn't mean to give her a hard time, I swear; it's just that the memories were stronger.
"I was in the neighborhood."
She lied. I knew what she was there for and I wasn't going to give her that.
I unlocked my door and threw my bag inside, closing it right way. Not letting her in seemed like the right decision.
"Can I come in?"
"No." I sternly said.
"Why not?"
She asked as if she doesn't remember anything.
"You know why. Now, what do you want?"
It hurt me to see her like that; an addict. When I met her she was so beautiful; youth and bliss just pouring out of her. She used to have this spark; but it faded away.
"To see you. I missed you."
Another lie.
"Right. I'm not letting you in or giving you any money so take a good look." I scoffed.
"I'm sorry Dita, please let's just talk. I want to talk."
She begged.
"And I don't!"
I raised my voice.
She was pretty taken aback; I bet she thought I would let her come back whenever just because I loved her once.
"What the hell do you want from me?"
I practically yelled at her.
She took a step back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then stuck her hands in her pockets.
"You used me and tossed me out like a fucking rag. What are you doing here??"
I wanted to know.
She just shook her head and stormed off.
Entering my apartment I locked the door and poured myself some vodka.
I was sitting on the couch, blankly staring at the wall, thinking.
What is the purpose of all this shit that's been happening to me?
When I told Minna I never want to see her again, I meant it.
Rakim texted me an hour later, saying he's on his way to my place. I replied with ok.
Sipping on my colorless drink, I reminisced of my high school days when Devin and I got high on our prom night; to which we went together of course. Our dates both ditched us.
"I got you a present!"
I proudly stated, showing off my expensive pills.
We were sitting by the bleachers on the grass.
"What is it?"
He asked.
"Drizzy says it's better than anything you ever tried."
I said, handing him one.
"Bitch, you mad!"
He exclaimed.
"Yeah, I will be when we down this shit."
"Well then, bottoms up!"
He said and we popped it with some water.
Ten minutes later I was tripping like never before. Everything I saw was made of pretty pastel colors, glitter and cotton candy. I was rolling on the grass, grinning like an idiot, reaching out to Devin with my hand.
When our fingertips touched, I flinched. It felt like sticking a fork into a socket.
It was divine.
____
I swore I will try my best to find someone who makes me feel at least a little piece of heaven that is the unnamed pink pill.
A knock on the door snapped me out of my euphoric flashback. It was Rakim.
I was super glad to see his face after everything that happened that day.
I opened the door and sighed out loud.
There he was, him and his beautiful wide smile, standing there just for me.
Sticking out my arms, I wrapped them around him, pressing myself against his musky scented shirt.
As fucked up as it sounded, he was my pink pill.
