Kingdom of Loathing

Chapter 4: An Old Friend

The sorceress trapped the king in her magic, and his daughters were nowhere to be found.

***

Teresa didn't know how long the train ride had lasted, but she knew that the music playing through her headsets made it seem shorter. Because she wanted to get a job outside her small town, she convinced her mom to let her check out the inner Kingdom.

She blew her long bangs out of her right eye and stared at her phone screen as her icy blue eyes stared back in the reflection.

An old woman entered the cart and looked for a seat, so Teresa quickly got up and let the woman sit down. Heading over to an empty spot, she noticed a space on the bar next to a girl with olive-brown hair.

As she gripped the bar nervously, Teresa tried her best not to make eye-contact with any of the other passengers, but the girl caught her eye. She was about her age, maybe a bit older, and had distinct purple eyes and wore a short-sleeved purple hoodie. Something about her seemed familiar...

The girl turned around and noticed her. Then, her eyes widened as she gasped, "Teresa...?"

At first, Teresa had no idea who she was and why she knew her name. Then, all the details back to her mind.

"Cassidy?" Teresa turned to the girl. "What are you doing here?"

"Girl, you wouldn't believe be if I told you why I'm on the train!" she laughed.

"I've seen a lot of crazy before. I can handle this."

Teresa smiled. Cassidy was the only person who would even bother to interact with her in middle school. The two had become friends but separated when Cassidy moved away during high school.

"What if I told you that a talking bird told me to talk to the Council?" Cassidy asked teasingly. "Would you believe me?"

Shrugging, Teresa responded, "Hey, this is a fantasy kingdom. Anything can happen."

"You're damn right about that. What do you have to do in the central Kingdom?"

"My reason is even crazier than yours."

"Spill."

"I just wanted to go out."

Cassidy made a stumbling motion and pretended to choke.

"No way! You, going out?" she wheezed. "By yourself? That's unheard of!"

This was why Teresa loved Cassidy. She had a dumb sense of humor just like her, and the two understood each other.

"Yeah, why? Do you not believeee in me?" she pretended to pout, stretching out the "believe."

They both laughed. It was nice, being able to talk again after so many years. Neither of them had changed one bit.

"In all seriousness," Teresa remarked. "I wanted to get a job in the central Kingdom. Life got hella boring after you moved away, so there's really nothing left back there."

Nudging her, Cassidy suggested, "How about you join me in adventuring? With some badass moves, fighting stuff, and kicking some serious butt?"

"I heard the words butt. I'm joining."

The two laughed again as the train began to slow down.

"That's my stop," Cassidy glanced up at the train map. "Wanna chat sometime later?"

They exchanged numbers, and Cassidy waved goodbye as she stepped of the cart.

Adventuring... Teresa thought as her friend left. Sounds really cool. Maybe I'll ask her about it.

And with that, the train began to move again.

***

You: yo cass do you know where to be an adventurer

cassi-die: you gotta go to the distant mountains and find the smallest mountain there

cassi-die: there's gonna be a bird sitting on it

You: how small

cassi-die: as small as your tiny peen

You: i don't have one

cassi-die: you're a trap, admit it

You: i'm leaving

cassi-die: bye bye nugget

***

Teresa eventually found the "mountain" that Cassidy was talking about (though it was a pain, since she had to ride the train back to the Distant Mountains) and looked up to see a bird perched at the top.

The bird seemed almost surprised to see her.

"Two in one day?" it stroked its chin with a wing. "That hasn't happened in years."

Then, it jumped back up and announced, "I am the Toot Oriole, and I tell adventurers everything they need to know! What do you need, young one?"

Unfazed by the talking bird, Teresa replied, "Could you get me started on adventuring? I want to be cool and kick ass."

"Some spirit, I see!" Toot Oriole chirped. "I like that! To get started, you first have to decide which class you want to be!"

It motioned towards the plaque on the side of the mountain, so Teresa pushed up her glasses and directed her vision to the text and images on the board.

Seal Clubber? Sounded too brutal. Besides, she liked seals. Turtle Tamer... she was never too good with animals. Pastamancers raised undead pasta things. She didn't want that. Sauceror...

Immediately after reading the name, Teresa already chose this option. Sauceror- Sorcerer- that pun was amazing. Reading into the description, she saw:

"Long engaged in an uneasy truth with the Pastamancers, the guild of Saucerors protect the secrets of the ancient Brotherhood of Gravymakers. Their Mysticality is their most important attribute."

Interested, Teresa read the powers of the Sauceror:

"Sauceror cast devastating spells and conjure protective sauces around themselves and the other Adventurers with a second benefit of psychic-like powers."

Now that was something she wanted. Over-powered magical abilities? Gold.

"I want to be a Sauceror," Teresa smiled at Toot Oriole.

"What a coincidence!" Toot Oriole marveled. "The girl who came earlier today wanted to be a Pastamancer! Do you know each other?"

"Yeah, we're pretty good friends."

"Well then! Isn't that intriguing!" Toot Oriole chirped. "Now, child, let me tell you everything about being a good Sauceror!"