Kingdom of Loathing

Chapter 10: A Prickly Encounter

Soon, adventurers began disappearing altogether.

***

The blazing hot sun beat down on Ava's back as she traversed through the endless desert. She adjusted her salmon pink mask over her eyes and kicked a stone out of the way.

Apparently, the council said she was supposed to meet up with someone named Cassidy but they never specified what she looked like. Together, they had to destroy some sort of enemy base. She hoped she could just get the quest over with and go home.

Actually, she just hoped they had food. Nighttime was approaching and she hadn't eaten since morning.

An eagle sitting on top of a cactus got her attention. Her eyes immediately widened.

"Oh my god, you're so cute!" she exclaimed, she bolted over to the bird at her top speed of fifty miles per hour. "Let me pet you!"

The eagle, who had already been traumatized by the sight of a person swallowing a snake earlier, wasn't in the mood for some girl with animal ears to pet him. It stumbled off the plant and began flapping away frantically.

Ava, however, was persistent. So persistent that she didn't notice that she didn't realize she was running straight into a giant cactus. She crashed into it and got a face full of spikes.

"Owwww!" Ava screeched as she kicked it with all her might (which wasn't a lot). "Stupid, stupid cactus!"

"Bi- you were the one who bumped into ME!" the cactus protested, because apparently, cacti could talk in the Kingdom.

Ava let out an unholy screech and whipped out her disco ball. The cactus made its last prayers before she started hitting it with the night of Zeus and despite the plant's sobs for help, nothing could stop Ava's fury.  Huffing and puffing, she finally crushed the cactus to the ground.

Behind her, Cassidy had watched the entire commotion.

"Okay, but seriously, what the actual fuck?" She spread her arms out in disbelief. "First there are talking cactuses and now anime cat-girls?!"

"Girl, first of all," Ava sassily stepped up to the sorceress. "it's CACTI. And second, I ain't no cat-girl!"

Both remained silent and realized how awkward the conversation had become.

"Are you Cassidy?" Ava asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. And I'm guessing you're Ava, then."

Realizing that this was her adventure partner, Ava quickly rushed back to the destroyed cactus, ripped a chunk off it, and bolted back to Cassidy.

"Um, want some?" she asked with an awkward grin.

***

"The Council told me the enemies were some desert goblin gang, or something,"  Ava remarked, taking a bite out of the cactus. The two had built a camp for the evening and were sitting in front of a blazing campfire. "Dunno why they asked us, though."

"Mhm," Cassidy agreed, draining the contents of her flask. "Maybe they just want us to gain experience."

"You sure you don't want any of this roasted cactus?"

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh, no. I'm good."

Cassidy proceeded to dump an entire box of cereal into her mouth.

"Whatever. Your loss."

While they were eating, the two decided to discuss the plans of their quest. From the information the Council told them, the goblins were weaker on the back of their territory due to the lazy guards. They would sneak in, set off a stink bomb, and immediately leave.