Kingdom of Loathing

Chapter 28: Abracadabra (Filler Arc Finale)

The Sorceress's lair is not very well protected at the front. However, once you manage to get in, you will have to face many dangers.

***

"You protect your friends a lot, too?" Allison gasped at Sonja. "We're so alike!"

"Well, I do consider myself pretty strong," Sonja blushed. "I like to help out."

"Then you should become a Seal Clubber like me!"

"...Really? Do you think that's a good idea for me?"

"Of course! Here, lemme train you!"

Allison pulled out her club from thin air handed it to Sonja.

"Hold onto this whole I find a target," she ordered. "Once I find something, just go and hit it with all your might!"

"That's... it?"

"Yeah! It's that simple!"

While that went on with Allison and Sonja, David was standing quietly in the middle of the party hall with a drink in his hand. He had tried to find Cassidy and the others quite unsuccessfully, so now he ended up just standing around with nothing to do. David prayed that nobody would approach him, and so far, nothing happened.

Suddenly, he heard a crack from the other side of the room and a gasp from the crowd. Worried, David pushed through the crowd to find Cassidy face to face with another woman. He shoved his way through the thick gathering, but no matter how hard he pushed, he was no match for  the density of the crowd.

"Cassidy!" David called out, but his efforts to reach her proved to be useless.

In the middle of the circle, Cassidy stood in a stance ready to battle. As for Tiffany, she pushed a button on her backpack and giant mechanical claws sprung out from the top. Then, the backpack itself began to transform into a machine with a set of legs and a seat at the top just for her.

"Parry this, you fucking casual!" Tiffany laughed maniacally as a snapper claw charged forward towards Cassidy.

Skillfully dodging the claw, Cassidy grabbed onto it and allowed herself to be pulled towards Tiffany. Then, as the claw retracted, she extended her leg and kicked Tiffany's chest with her high-heeled foot.

"Why don't YOU parry this, you fucking casual?" Cassidy returned as she landed gracefully on the floor.

Coughing a few times, Tiffany whined, "That's n-not fair! Fight me with your magic, you goddamn coward!"

"If you wish so..." Cassidy smirked as she snapped her fingers.

Entangling strands of noodles sprouted from the floor and ensnared the legs of Tiffany's machine. With a frustrated growl, Tiffany used a sharp saw to slash the noodles in half.

"That's IT!" she screeched, slamming a bright red button on the side of her control panel. "YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

Without warning, two massive machine guns formed on the sides of the machine and began firing. Shocked, Cassidy almost didn't have enough time to use her powers.

When the fire and smoke cleared, there were bullet casings littering the smoking ground and giant walls of ice barricading the crowd. Cassidy herself had a couple scrapes and a ripped dress, but nothing too damaging.

"Attacking the audience, eh?" Cassidy brushed off her clothing. "Not cool."

She formed a ball of flames in her palms and held it up.

"For that, you will-"

Before Cassidy could finish her sentence, however, they heard a "CHAAAAAARGE!" and a blonde girl leapt into the air with a club over her head. Once she was over Tiffany, the girl brought the club down HARD on the crazy inventor's head. A comical BONK! sounded through the crowd and Tiffany let out a scream.