Kingdom of Loathing

Chapter 23: In a Manor of Spooking

This chapter's plot is heavily modified from the actual game. There will be no major spoilers.

***

As a Pastamancer, you will work with spells that will raise the dead. Well, only dead pasta, but your powers will help you achieve your goal.

***

After a night of rest and a good breakfast, the squad was as good as new and ready to continue on their quest for the Holy Macguffin.

"Man, those sausages were GOOD!" Allison burped as she patted her stomach.

"Allison, that's disgusting," Cassidy groaned.

"To change the topic, where shall we go next?" David asked, pulling out the map. "We can either go to the Spookyraven Manor or the Hidden Temple."

"Didn't your dad's diary tell us that we needed an item from the Spookyraven Manor to unlock the Hidden Temple?" Teresa reminded. "I think we should go there first."

"Spookyraven Manor it is!" David confirmed.

Cassidy shuddered, remembering her first guild quest.

"Years ago and I'm still traumatized," she said as she followed her group to the bus station.

***

The bus screeched to a stop in front of a run down, dark mansion. Somehow, it looked even scarier than Cassidy remembered it.

The manor had all black wood, with oversized windows and vines all growing on the side of the walls. The wood had begun to show its age, cracking and broken at certain parts.

"What exactly do we need to do here?" Tori asked.

"Well first, we gotta find a way to get in!" Ava grunted, pulling at the handles of the giant doors. "Guys, check this out. It's not opening."

Moving Ava aside, Cassidy gave the door a quick tug, and it creaked open.

"It's not the door's fault," Teresa smirked. "You're just weak."

"Bitch, you try eating white bread every day for three years!" Ava retorted.

"Now, let's not fight," David stepped between the two girls, breaking their tension. "Let's get this quest finished, okay?"

With that, they entered the room to a giant staircase and multiple other rooms beside them.

"Well, what's our objective here?" Cassidy asked. "Did the diary say anything?"

"Here, it says the key to the Macguffin is hidden inside the basement of the manor," David flipped through the pages. "But it doesn't tell us how to find it or even where the basement is."

"Looks like we're at a dead end, then." Cassidy scratched her head. "Got any ideas?"

"How about hitting things to find the basement?" Allison suggested, preparing to hit a vase.

"Allison, no!" Cassidy exclaimed. "I mean, yes. I mean, no, don't hit that vase, but that's a good idea."

"What, hitting stuff?"

"I think what Cass means is that we should interact with items to see if they can provide clues!" Ava elaborated. "Maybe one of these items is hiding a switch to the basement, or something."

"Or we could blow this place up," Teresa shrugged, forming a ball of flames at her hand.

"Dude, no!" Tori punched her arm. "Then we'll have to face the law, and that's worse than any basement!"

"Y'know what?" Cassidy whipped out her phone. "Let's ask the Council."

A few button presses later, Cassidy held the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?" Councilor Four picked up the phone. "What do you need, Queen?"

"We need to get to the basement of the Spookyraven Manor and we were just wondering if we could blow up a hole in the first floor."

"Oh yes, that. Let me check."

There was the sound of keys clacking and a couple mouse clicks.

"Ah yes, here it is. The Spookyraven Manor is no longer owned by anyone, as the owners are long gone. Blowing it up shouldn't be a legal concern, if that's what you're wondering."

Teresa smiled smugly at Tori, who in turn, flipped her off.

"However, the floorboards are protected by a magical barrier, preventing any sort of magical abilities from passing through or touching it."

"Damn it," Teresa whispered.

"From here, you have two solutions," Councilor Four continued. "You can either use a mortar-dissolving solution to break down the wood flooring, or use a bomb."

"Does dynamite work?" Tori spoke into the phone. "I've got some goblin dynamite."

More clicking of keys.

"No, it does not have enough force" Councilor Four responded. "It has to have an oddly specific strength. Too weak, and nothing will be damaged. Too strong, and the entire place will collapse."

"Then what do you suggest we do?" David asked.

"I believe there is a recipe for a bomb written inside of your father's diary," the councilor replied. "It should have just the right amount of force to blow up the floorboards."

"That's really useful, thanks!"

Then, they proceeded to hang up.

David skimmed through the pages, trying to find how to make the bomb.

"Here, I found it!" he exclaimed, pointing to a page. "It says here that we first have to obtain a bottle of Chateau de Vinegar from the wine cellar. Then, we have to get some blasting soda from the laundry room, and then cook them together to form an unstable fulminate."

He flipped to the next page and continued reading.

"Finally, we'll have to boil it inside of a boiler inside of the boiler room to create a wine bomb."

"That's a lot of boils in one sentence," Tori muttered.

"Sounds easy enough!" Allison rolled up her sleeves. "Should we split up again?

"I don't understand how all of our solutions are to slit up, but it works for me," Teresa agreed. "Who's going where?"

"I'm down with going to the cellar," Cassidy said. "Who's joining me?"

"Me!" Ava bounced to Cassidy's side. "Never seen a cellar before so I'm curious!"

"I'd like to come as well," Teresa joined the two.

"I wanna go to the laundry room!" Allison decided. "Tori, you're coming with me!"

"Wait-" Tori protested, but her words got cut off by David.

"Then it's settled! You three go to the cellar and we'll go to the laundry room!"

"Now let's get going!" Ava pointed towards a staircase leading down. "Onward!"