Kingdom of Loathing

Chapter 8: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Hey, Kiwi here again! I just want to apologize in advance if anybody gets offended by Teresa in this chapter and all the future chapters. She's a character created for satire and she's meant to be slightly offensive at times.

Also, I know people barely read this but would you like it if I changed the title to "This is Our Kingdom?" I've been thinking of that title for some time. Answer yes or no here!

***

One year later in Seaside Town, five citizens came together and formed a council to act as a replacement for the missing king. The people only viewed them as leaders, but their true intentions were to find the king.

***

"I swear to Jesus, get away from me, Mike!" Tori snapped as her clingy ex-boyfriend held onto her leg. "It's over!"

"C'mon, baby!" Mike whined, not letting go of her leg. "I can change for you!"

"You can't change for shit," Tori glared, kicking him off. "Now get out of my face."

"Give me my fifty-third chance!" Mike begged. "Please!"

"Nuh uh, leave. I've already got myself another boyfriend."

"Baby, who?"

"Komaeda Nagito."

"He's not even real!"

"At least he's not as fake as your promises. Get the hell out of here."

Dejected, Mike slunk away from his ex.

"Yeah, that's right," Tori muttered as she trudged away. "Leave."

With her head down, she didn't notice that she was about to bump into a bulletin board. When she finally looked up, her face smacked into a flyer.

"Stupid wall," Tori said, annoyed. Rubbing her head from the impact, something on the flyer caught her eye.

Want to fight? Did your family abandon on you?

Well, no, Tori thought. But then she read the next line.

Does your annoying ex follow you nonstop? And do they look crustier than a day-old slice of moldy pizza?

Her eyes widened as if she was staring at a hot picture of Komaeda Nagito.

Well then, become a Seal Clubber or a Turtle Tamer! Beat up your enemies up with your awesome strength! Come over to The Brotherhood of the Smackdown for more info. (Located at the Wrong Side of the Tracks.)

"Well, hot diggety shit," Tori exclaimed. "Time to be one of these!"

She immediately marched off to the Wrong Side of the Tracks.

When she entered the Brotherhood of the Smackdown, the first thing she saw was a bunch of men beating the complete shit out of each other in a messy boxing match... right in the middle of the room. And she loved it.

Right after she entered, all the men and people in the room stopped fighting and turned to stare at her. Then, one of them untangled himself from the group and walked up to her.

"Are you here to learn 'bout being a Seal Clubber or a Turtle Tamer?" he asked, straightening his giant viking-like hat.

"Of course!" Tori answered with a smile. "How do I start?"

"You look pretty strong, so that's a start," a woman sitting at the side of a room feeding a turtle remarked. "Plus, we haven't had a newcomer ever since... the incident. So we're a bit rusty."

"Pshh, don't listen to her!" the man waved the woman off. "We've still got it down. To prove you're worthy of the Smackdown, you gotta prove your manliness! Well, seeing that you're a woman, I'm speaking metaphorically."