The Real Daddy Direction? ( 1D/Niall Horan fanfic)

Feelings

Harry's Pov

I looked around my room and got up.  I looked around the house to check if anyone else is up, but everyone was asleep.  I walked back to the room I was staying in and grabbed my jacket and shoes, and phone with head phones.

I walked down stairs and out of the house, I need to clear my head right now.  It feels like there is just too much going on right now, the baby, the tour is going to be put on hold, Scarlett's life is in danger, its just so much.  Niall and I have fought everyday since we got back, and I hate that.

Niall is a little brother to me, but when ever we fight it feels like I just don't know who I am anymore.  I turn into a monster, one that I hate even myself.  I put in one head phone and played 'A Drop In The Ocean; by Ron Pope and walked along the side walks.

Listening to it made me think of Scarlett, I always wanted to be with her but she picked Niall over me.    People usually do anyways, not new to me.  But something hurt me especially when she choose him, yet I still cant get myself to try and tear them apart.  I just stand and watch as the girl I love is swept away and in tears by my best friend.

I looked up from my feet and saw that I was at the mall which has the Nandos where Scarlett and I first met.  Tears fill my eyes and I remember when I first saw her.  Glancing at our table, then whispering to her friends, it was cute.  I let all my tears spill over and roll down my face.  Suddenly rain starts to pour down on my but I don't care.

 I look back down at my feet and walk more, I don't look where I am going.  I just want to be in her arms, or have her in mine.  Just to feel the soft touch of her lips on mine.  But, its wrong that I feel like this, isn't it?

Is it wrong that I am in love with my best friends pregnant girlfriend?  Of course it is, but what can I seriously do about it?  I just have to sit here and take the pain, but hide it with a smile.  

I looked up again to see I was at Liam's house, where Scarlett and I had first met properly.  Even more tears roll down my cheeks and I let out muffle whimpers and sniffles.  I sit down on the grass, leaning on a tree and cry.  For her, her pain, what she has been through, that I cant have her, that I'll never be able to do anything about it, for my heart ache.  Crying is my only escape, the only other option is cutting and I could never get by with that.

So, I cry more.  I bring my knees up to my chest and hold them there with my arms and bury my head in between my knees.  Rain falls on me like I am sitting under a water fall.  Lightning strikes light up the sky constantly and loud booms of thunder make me jump sometimes.  But, some how I feel like the rain and I both have something in common, we both let water fall freely from our selves, and don't care who sees.  But we also have one major difference, after rain comes a rainbow, my rainbow is with my best friend and is pregnant so I'll never get it.

But of course, I'll smile like I am a rainbow glowing with bright colors.  Even though I am an emotional wreck on the inside.  Sometimes I feel like even if just one thing happens I can break into tears but, I never do because I have to be stronger than I really am for the fans.

The fans.  I feel like we are disappointing them with Scarlett's pregnancy but I mean what else can we do?  She cant handle this alone, but I liked it better when it was just me her and Rach..

 I bite the inside of my lip to keep any more whimpers from escaping my lips.  I have to keep biting it harder as I continue to cry and it gets even harder to hold it in.  Eventually I feel a salty taste in my mouth, my lip had started bleeding.  I give up on holding it and just let it all come out, my pain, sorrow, regret, hate, love all my emotions come out and I sit there throwing rocks at trees, then crying into my knees.

 I always wished I was one of those guys who could just forget about a girl like THAT and feel nothing.  But, I don't get it, Niall almost never cries over her, but she always cries over him.  I cry over her every night, but she never cries about me, that's the terrible part about this.

I love her, but she loves him.  I should have stolen her heart when I had the chance, but I waited too long and now Niall has it, but he isn't nurturing it properly.  Its like he is just keeping it because he doesn't want me to have it.  That's what else hurts, I feel like he's turning his back on me, like he is willing to do anything to keep me from being happy.  But, that's not like Niall, it just isn't. 

Or at least it isn't like the old Niall, he's changed.  This whole thing changed him so much.  I can barely remember when he was the cute little leprechaun on the x-factor with me.  The one that skipped around like the cheeriest little boy on earth, and always smiled like he got a new toy or a piece of candy.  

I feel like I have lost everyone I love.  I haven't talked to my family in months, Niall isn't himself, Liam is so much angrier, Zayn and Perrie are even quieter and barely speak even to each other, Louis hasn't cracked a joke in months and El hasn't tried to calm everyone down, Scarlett spends most of her time alone or with El and Dani, Paul hasn't called to check on us, everyone has gone their separate ways it feels like.  I feel like we all separated so much, like I barely even know anyone any more.  

You know when the last time I smiled was, I mean a real smile?  Three months, maybe even longer ago.  Fans always ask me why I haven't been smiling the same and I always give the same excuse 'I'm just tired, love'  I feel terrible lying to fans, but if I told them the truth we would ALL be getting hate like no tomorrow.  And we all already have enough to deal with right now.

So, I have to lie.  No one really understands me, ever since I lost Scarlett to Niall all my guards have been up.  I don't talk much, I haven't laughing in I cant say how long.  I haven't answered any texts, tweets, calls nothing.

Just, no one understands.  They don't know how it feels to be broken and left alone.  They don't realize my pain behind my smile.  They don't know how it feels to have the one you love be swept away by your best friend and have him turn his back on you.  They just don't get it, never have, never will.

That's something I'll just have to put up with, and I cant do anything about it.  I cant do much about anything but smile and tell everyone 'its fine'.  Even if its a lie it makes them feel better, and that's what I have to do.  Hide my pain so others don't have to.

It kills me.  it kills me so much, but I do it anyways,  Why?  Because seeing Scarlett smile every morning is the only thing that keeps me going.  It is the only reason I wake up in the morning and the only thing keeping me from hurting myself.  The only thing keeping me hiding my pain.  Because, if she saw my pain she would be hurt too.

And that, I cant not live with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, that was sad!  :'(  please comment/vote!  I really need some feed back on this!  Also please check out my other fanfic 'It's A Singing Competition'  I will update THIS story once that has at least five comments AND votes on each chappie!  By that I mean five comments on each and five votes on each!  It all matters on how fast you guys can do that!  Anyways, thats all!  Well, I love you!  Ciao!  xx