How To Save A Life [A Robert Downey Jr. Fan-Fic]

Chapter 1: Nightmares

It was dark. The full-moon shining brightly through the huge windows of our bedroom as I watched Robert sleep. He seemed to be peaceful as long as he was not awake. But I knew the truth. He tried to cover his fear and grief but he couldn't hide his true feelings from me. We were sort of connected. Everything he felt, I felt as well. And right now, he had one of these nightmares again.

I slowly walked through the room towards him and carefully laid down in bed next to him. I used to be quiet around him because I was afraid to wake him up again, though he already had enough struggles to fall asleep. He was afraid of sleeping, afraid of the night.

I turned to the right, watching his chest slowly move up and down. Up and down, up and down...

"Are you sure we're right?", I asked curiously, smiling from one ear to another as I watched Robert driving through the night, his caramel eyes focussing on the dark road.

"I am", he replied smirkingly.

I reached out for his hand on the gearbox, our fingers intertwined as I smiled at him.

"I love you, Mr. Downey", I whispered and gently kissed the back of his hand.

"I love you more than you could ever imagine, Mrs. Downey", he whispered back and I recognized him blushing.

I leaned back and looked out of the window. I could hardly see anything but...

"Robert!", I shouted before our car turned over.

"Kate!", Robert screamed and immediately sat up in bed, his heart beating rapidly as his eyes filled with tears.

I recognized the beads of perspiration on his forehead.

"It was just a dream", I mumbled, knowing he wasn't able to hear me, gently caressing his cheeks.

I felt him. I still felt him like I did when I was alive. I felt his three-day stubble as well as I felt the cold tears rushing down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry", he sobbed and closed his eyes.

"That's okay, Robert", I mumbled, still caressing his cheeks, "It was not your fault. Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't control."

I used to talk to him as if he could hear me. Although I knew, he couldn't. But it made me feel better and part of me believed he somehow recognized I was still here, caught in this world of desolation.

Suddenly, he got up and walked through our house.

"Don't, Robert", I tried to keep him from doing what he was going to do anyway, shaking my head slightly.

I followed him into the kitchen where he grabbed a glass and a bottle of scotch.

He started drinking again after the incident that night.

I blamed myself for that. He's been sober for so many years and then... If I would not have died...

Although everybody told him he could not have done anything to prevent what was supposed to happen anyway he couldn't accept his fate, my fate. He never stopped blaming himself for not recognizing the car that crashed into us that night. He blamed himself for my death. Moreover, he blamed himself for staying alive.

I knew he wanted to change places with me. He would have done everything to change the events of that night. But that was not the way life worked.

I always believed in god. Not necessarily god himself but a higher power that had planned every life on earth. That there was some sort of plan everyone had to follow involuntarily.

And this was my part of the plan.

I surely didn't like dying at the age of only thirty years, leaving a loving and caring husband behind, knowing my death would destroy his life.

But I got used to it. I accepted my life on the other side. And I wasn't going to leave him. I was just...

Waiting.