How To Save A Life [A Robert Downey Jr. Fan-Fic]

Chapter 15: Shadow On The Sun

During my life, I've experienced some really strange situations. One of my top ten awful situations was probably meeting Robert's ex- girlfriend, Susan Levin, in London on the set of Sherlock Holmes. And although she was really nice, being around her and Robert felt simply strange and wrong. They had met while shooting Gothika back in 2003 and have been dating for about a year until they found out they didn't actually match each other.

But that was nothing compared to attending your own funeral.

Standing in between everyone you loved and who loved you, crying over your death while you're just standing there. And at that time, you know exactly that there's no exit, no turning back. Because you're dead. Gone. Leaving all your nearest and dearest behind. Leaving a loving husband back on his own.

Nine months. Nine months have passed since Robert was at the cemetery, visiting my grave. Nine months since he attended my funeral. But now he was back.

He had changed his clothes to a black suit with a white buttoned shirt and a black tie, holding a bouquet of red roses in his hands as he hesitantly walked along the trail right to my grave, his hands shivering.

Nervously, he played with his fingers as he stopped in front of my gravestone.

"Hey", he greeted quietly and forced himself to smile, anxiously looking around if someone was watching him.

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"Here", he said then and looked down at the bouquet of roses in his hands, "They're for you, Mrs. D. I know, you made nothing of flowers but I deemed them appropriate for you..."

He slowly kneed down and laid the bouquet on my grave.

"They're beautiful, Robbie", I whispered, smiling from one ear to another.

He scratched his head and looked around one more time.

"Well, I'm actually doing a therapy. You'd be proud of me", he mumbled and smirked slightly, "Her name's Liz, actually Elizabeth, but that doesn't matter. You'd like her. Yeah, I'm sure of that. She's tough and obviously likes to kick my butt."

Immediately, both of us started to laugh.

"Anyway", he continued and ran his fingers through his hair, "She told me to come here to talk to you, tell you about my feelings and... You know."

He rolled his eyes and faked a smile.

"Um, I actually don't quite know how to start...", he admitted and coughed slightly, "I just think that there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

My eyes filled with tears and I immediately reached out for his hand.

"That are actually not my own words but a wise man called Chuck Klosterman said those and well... It's the truth", he added quietly, faking another smile.

"Oh, Robbie", I whispered, softly stroking the back of his hand.

For a moment, we remained in silence. I recognized Robert's eyes filling with tears but he still forced himself to smile.

"Well, you're this person", he explained then, his voice was weak, "To me, you're this person. You were the only one I've ever truly loved. And you'll always be."